Avaa Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) Hello everyone. Some background: He's a co-worker and he has been working with me in the same store for about 7 1/2 months. And he's also liked me for about 7 1/2 months. I've never really made the guy feel comfortable or given off a good vibe but we had small talk(this would explain why he didn't ask for my number or me out. Later on it was revealed because I always said or done something to screw it up) Mainly, because I've been doing the whole "play-hard-to-get"(learned my lesson that it can get irritating), and often said certain things to see how much I can get away with ; not nice things. (IK, not mature but I've changed my bad habits). He usually tries to establish SOMETHING and shows a lot of interest but I usually push him away or avoid him. After the second or third month, I turned completely cold when he told me he thought I was cocky/arrogant. I stopped liking him since. He thought it didn't offend me but it did. Since then I've been keeping my distance and I noticed he started doing the same but when he caught me on my "good days", he would try to pursuit me even more and even said some pretty bold statements "we make a good match."etc., A few weeks ago we had a talk where I told him his comments got to me and he explained cocky/arrogant=confidence, not an insult. By then my feelings started to grow for him again. But he screwed it up and later on called me a bit stuck-up which made me angry. He repeatedly asks me if I like him or not but I usually dodge the question so he assumes yes, and that he is still gonna pursue. Last month he decided one more time to attempt and said,"I think you have a big crush on me." I bluntly said that I didn't and that his comments about me being stuck-up offended me. Now, this month, he's acting completely VULGAR: he made two remarks like "so-and-so and you look cute together." And then he asked me why don't I go out with him(the guy I would look cute with? He then made some pretty racy remarks that made me annoyed. sexual remarks; like who can he go to to get laid, and even made a sex joke about me and him etc., He's NEVER spoken to me in a sexual way ever. Why is he acting like this and saying this? In the past he was always so respectful and modest and he's like this to most people in the store. And yes, IK, partly for me to blame because I let it linger on for so long...and because in a way, I led him on Edited January 5, 2011 by Avaa
TaraMaiden Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 You've just answered your own lengthy post in your last line. If you didn't act so arrogantly and play hard to get, maybe he'd be acting differently too. I don't think you need to analyse too much about why he's like this. I think you need to address and repair your own personal issues. They are what get you the responses you're getting. So what's with you? Not him.....
Author Avaa Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 You've just answered your own lengthy post in your last line. If you didn't act so arrogantly and play hard to get, maybe he'd be acting differently too. I don't think you need to analyse too much about why he's like this. I think you need to address and repair your own personal issues. They are what get you the responses you're getting. So what's with you? Not him..... Yes I agree, I know I am def. at fault and learned from my mistakes. But one thing that you didn't address...is why is he acting so VULGAR all of a suddenly? that's what REALLY threw me off.
TaraMaiden Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I told you. Trying to discern why somebody else is acting the way they are acting is futile. If you can't do it, and you see him every working day, then we sure as hell can't do it based on one descriptive post. The only thing I can theorise is attention-seeking. 'Hell, every single other method has failed, let's try this approach'..... But I'm only guessing. I'm also only guessing that once you change how you interact with him, his behaviour will change too. But your attitude and approach is yours to work out....
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 You're mostly on the right wave length here. But more clearly, there are three types of ways that humans connect. A. With "warm fuzzies" (compliments, pleasantries, etc.) B. With "cold pricklies" (mean, vulgar, etc.) C. With no interaction at all (as if you're in a dungeon, with meals shoved under the door - and no contact at all) The best of the trio is obvious, but the worst of the trio is the latter and not the second one. SO, when wanting to interact with you, he's nearer to you when being so mean, than when you are fully ignoring him. (NOT that his is a great investment for the long run, but it makes him feel nearer to you now) (and with each passing moment, he gives up more and more on the long run)
385 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Hard to get is the worst. IMO, if she's hard to get, she's probably not worth the time - even if you do get her in the end. I mean come one, I like you, and you like me, let's get it on. Stop running away. I'm already attracted to you.
SilverLining Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 First of all, this is NOT playing hard to get. Playing hard to get is, when done correctly, merely doing things like not being consistently available (have a life of your own, and if you don't have a life of your own get one because being at someone's beck and call is unattractive), dating around (no need to focus on just one man at first, best to date a few and then become exclusive with one you like best), and not giving too much up emotionally at first (DON'T say your i love yous immediately, give some space, don't be too emotionally needy). I don't know who taught you how to play hard to get. But when a guy tells you he likes you and is consistently pursuing you, you aren't playing 'hard to get' by never being honest with him about your feelings. You are being a jerk and playing games. It's hard enough for a guy to show a woman he cares, and you keep emotionally slapping him in the face every time. It's not fair. I actually wonder at this guy for putting up with it so long. I'm a girl, but if I was a guy I would have said sayonara a LOONNG time ago. It's behavior like this that make men very bitter towards women. That being said, sounds like you know you were in the wrong. He's only being vulgar to get a rise out of you. Being kind to you did nothing, he's checking to see if you would get jealous or upset if he suggests dating someone else. Why don't you put a stop to this nonsense once and for all? Pull him aside and tell him that you DO like him and that you were trying to play hard to get, but that you realized you pushed him away which was not your intention. APOLOGIZE, and ask him out. End of story.
Author Avaa Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 I'll def. talk to him about it..however, no matter what, I don't think anything can justify the reasons behind a guy talking to a girl in such a disrespectful manner be it out of attention, anger, etc.,
fishtaco Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I'll def. talk to him about it..however, no matter what, I don't think anything can justify the reasons behind a guy talking to a girl in such a disrespectful manner be it out of attention, anger, etc., Same thing can be said of how you behaved. At least he had a reason... you threw the first punch. You didn't even have a reason for acting that way. But yes, a more mature person would have just bailed on you. I would have cut you off and ignored you a LONG time ago. So I don't condone his behavior either. But you started it, so you are in no position to point your finger. So I suggest you shake hands, call it even, and start from zero, like SilverLining said. If you ARE interested in him, promise you'll behave, and make him promise he'll behave, and ask him out. If you're not interested in him, let him know that, and start from zero platonically.
Seamless74 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I'll def. talk to him about it..however, no matter what, I don't think anything can justify the reasons behind a guy talking to a girl in such a disrespectful manner be it out of attention, anger, etc., Wow you really sound like a nightmare!!! man look here fellas take a good long look... See what could happen when you mess with girls in the workplace. You let yourself get infatuated with someone your probably not that interested with in the first place its just that you see them everyday so you decide to say screw it and give it a try.. and what do you know you do everything right the girl actually likes you and for some ridiculous reason (maybe you just thought your the one person whos gonna live forever or something) the girl decides to lead you on.... on purpose no less then you get a little pissed (mostly at yourself) and let your emotions get the better of you and next thing you know your risking some chick putting you up for sexual harrassment and interfering with her work... See how it can go prime example right here... wow...
Author Avaa Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Wow you really sound like a nightmare!!! man look here fellas take a good long look... See what could happen when you mess with girls in the workplace. You let yourself get infatuated with someone your probably not that interested with in the first place its just that you see them everyday so you decide to say screw it and give it a try.. and what do you know you do everything right the girl actually likes you and for some ridiculous reason (maybe you just thought your the one person whos gonna live forever or something) the girl decides to lead you on.... on purpose no less then you get a little pissed (mostly at yourself) and let your emotions get the better of you and next thing you know your risking some chick putting you up for sexual harrassment and interfering with her work... See how it can go prime example right here... wow... You're being over-dramatic.
Author Avaa Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Same thing can be said of how you behaved. At least he had a reason... you threw the first punch. You didn't even have a reason for acting that way. But yes, a more mature person would have just bailed on you. I would have cut you off and ignored you a LONG time ago. So I don't condone his behavior either. But you started it, so you are in no position to point your finger. So I suggest you shake hands, call it even, and start from zero, like SilverLining said. If you ARE interested in him, promise you'll behave, and make him promise he'll behave, and ask him out. If you're not interested in him, let him know that, and start from zero platonically. Yes, I do take the blame, and if things weren't this way I am sure he wouldn't be talking to me like that. But I am starting to think the vulgarity was shown because he might be losing respect for me?
Seamless74 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 But I am starting to think the vulgarity was shown because he might be losing respect for me? Lol.. thats a very nice albeit clueless way to describe it.. uh... no im not... Question.. what do you intend on doing if his behavior continues or gets worse?? And no honey i just recently saw a situation just like the one your talking about at work up front and personal... not overly dramatic at all.. Perhaps you not having and consideration for someone elses and feelers and your own behavior and its effects on others might have been the major contributing factor to the situation your currently in.. The girl in my training class im referencing didnt understand her actions had consequences as well..
Author Avaa Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Lol.. thats a very nice albeit clueless way to describe it.. uh... no im not... Question.. what do you intend on doing if his behavior continues or gets worse?? And no honey i just recently saw a situation just like the one your talking about at work up front and personal... not overly dramatic at all.. Perhaps you not having and consideration for someone elses and feelers and your own behavior and its effects on others might have been the major contributing factor to the situation your currently in.. The girl in my training class im referencing didnt understand her actions had consequences as well.. What I am going to do about it is to set him straight if it continues but I doubt he'll keep talking like that. He was vulgar for a good 15 minutes before I left. I see him back on Friday so we'll see how it goes.
fishtaco Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Yes, I do take the blame, and if things weren't this way I am sure he wouldn't be talking to me like that. But I am starting to think the vulgarity was shown because he might be losing respect for me? Yes, he did lose respect for you. But I also lost respect for him because that's not how you're supposed to handle this situation. So I don't want you to think you're wrong and he's right; you both did the wrong thing. So in the future, know that if you do things that are less than respectable, people will lose respect for you. You CAN earn it back, but it'll take extra work. So you be the bigger person right now, and try to right the wrongs, without pointing finger at him. I'm guessing if he's an alright guy, he will react positively... again as long as you don't take the accusatory stance, because that would just start drama. If he continues to be a douche after you come clean, then you should lose respect fro him and cut him off and ignore him.
Author Avaa Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Yes, he did lose respect for you. But I also lost respect for him because that's not how you're supposed to handle this situation. So I don't want you to think you're wrong and he's right; you both did the wrong thing. So in the future, know that if you do things that are less than respectable, people will lose respect for you. You CAN earn it back, but it'll take extra work. So you be the bigger person right now, and try to right the wrongs, without pointing finger at him. I'm guessing if he's an alright guy, he will react positively... again as long as you don't take the accusatory stance, because that would just start drama. If he continues to be a douche after you come clean, then you should lose respect fro him and cut him off and ignore him. thanks. Def. need a convo with him.
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