germanfastmaus Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 if everything else was fine between a couple, but one or both didnt want sex, is this enough cause to break up a relationship?
half_ofa_heart Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 if everything else was fine between a couple, but one or both didnt want sex, is this enough cause to break up a relationship? hell yes! Sex is the one thing that brings you together as one.
Author germanfastmaus Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 seriously, i thought this place would have encouraged ppl concerning dating and stuff like that, but instead... it has made me feel worse. i'm actually glad though , crazy to say, but ppl on here are very honest about things, and they seem to say it as it really is, versus telling you what you wanna hear. i wanna say how happy i am that i found this place, and also..even though i'm not gay, it makes me realize if i were ever to have a "normal" relationship, i would have to turn gay.
Eeyore79 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I once had a relationship which was great apart from the lack of sex and physical contact. Without that, all we had was a friendship, and that wasn't enough for me. I dumped him.
TaraMaiden Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 seriously, i thought this place would have encouraged ppl concerning dating and stuff like that, but instead... it has made me feel worse. i'm actually glad though , crazy to say, but ppl on here are very honest about things, and they seem to say it as it really is, versus telling you what you wanna hear. i wanna say how happy i am that i found this place, and also..even though i'm not gay, it makes me realize if i were ever to have a "normal" relationship, i would have to turn gay. I was in a relationship where sex was at best rare, and at worst, non-existent. This lasted 12+ years, possibly more, I forget, tbh. the lack of sex is not what caused our divorce. it depends what other emotions you have for the person, what the reasons for the abstinence are, how emotionally connected you are and whether there are other compensations.
Gfkr2 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 yes it is. Yup. This is especially true when one partner discovers great sex does indeed exist in this universe. Once this is discovered the relationship, marriage, whatever is OVER
MorningCoffee Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 if everything else was fine between a couple, but one or both didnt want sex, is this enough cause to break up a relationship? Assuming no other extenuating circumstances, then yes, it would be cause enough. OTOH, I know of situations where, after a sustained long term relationship or marriage, there were causes other than lack of interest (medical, particularly) that made sex no longer possible, and the healthy partner was fine to go without sex and stay because the relationship was deep enough in all other ways to meet their emotional needs without sex.
IzzyB Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Yup. This is especially true when one partner discovers great sex does indeed exist in this universe. Once this is discovered the relationship, marriage, whatever is OVER Ruh roh...thats where Im at right now. Trying to deal with the end of the affair and the lack of and poor quality of sex remaining in the M Im tired of just being buds and coparents. Sex and intimacy are KEY to a marriage. Oh, and one more thing, its very unusual for the rest of the relationship to be "fine" if the sex is lacking. There are almost always other factors either contributing to or resulting from the lack of sexual intimacy.
East7 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Sex can survive without Love, but Love can't survive without sex. I don't see how is it related with OW/OM board, but sounds like someone who has got the "no-sex-with-BS" old line
jj33 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Often at some point one spouse looks for sex elsewhere... as we all know all to well. But the lack of sex doesnt necessarily end hte marriage. Sex can be found outside the marriage and as someone else said there are other factors that keep people in a marriage finances etc etc etc.
blinded_27 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 if everything else was fine between a couple, but one or both didnt want sex, is this enough cause to break up a relationship? YEP. Broke up me and my bf of 6 years. We were just friends living together. The sex and closeness wasn't there to define us as a couple. Man it was hard to leave, but in the end, (and rediscovering myself and sex through my MM) I know I'm better off now instead of just settling with comfort
wheelwright Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Sex can survive without Love, but Love can't survive without sex. I don't see how is it related with OW/OM board, but sounds like someone who has got the "no-sex-with-BS" old line Yes because love can exist in a lesser form than the whole form where commitment, passion, intimacy and the spark are all present. Love can exist with just commitment. Or with intimacy too. Or with commitment intimacy and passion. Howz that!
East7 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Yes because love can exist in a lesser form than the whole form where commitment, passion, intimacy and the spark are all present. Love can exist with just commitment. Or with intimacy too. Or with commitment intimacy and passion. Howz that! That's a little confuse. Without tryng to philosophy about Love, - commitment is a will, not a feeling (you can control commitment not feelings) - Intimacy and passion are produced by Love feeling, if you love you'll have them both. Now to get straight your idea, yes there a many sexless marriages that survive on the basis of commitment but that doesn't mean there is Love is the sense of high feeling and attachment. BTW many of sexless marriages end in divorce, cheating, or room-mate-status.
carrie999 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I remember hearing once that is the sex is good, it's 5% of the relationship, and if it's not, it's 95% of the relationship. Having ended an otherwise decent relationship because the sex was practically non-existent (we weren't even engaged yet!), I believed it. Later, when I became involved with a MM, I further understood the complexity of that statement. Both of us were involved in a relationship in which sex still happened, but realized that it was practically obligatory. He wanted it from her, and she obliged, but there was no passion, even at the beginning. In my case, we both have very healthy libidos and really did love eachother, but it wasn't really satisfying me. We had sex, and physically it worked, but it was never...natural. Though it was frequent and physically satisfying, it wasn't enough. When I first made love to MM, it was awkward, probably because we were both feeling tremendously conflicted about ending up where we were. We cautiously avoided getting physical again, but when we did, it was pure magic, and every time after that it got better. Physically, it was transcendental, but that was infinitely compounded by the way we would stare into eachother's eyes, completely transfixed, and move together in a way that I cannot describe. It became more amazing than before even after the honeymoon period passed and we argued and doubted any future together, and suffered through the emotional rollercoaster... Sex is so much more than just sex. Even having sex every day or regularly with a partner does not necessarily mean that the passion is there. Sex is a good gauge of a relationship...it's not just about physical yearning or desire, it's about a deeper connection. So even if sex is there and "good," something may still be missing.
Heather1 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I ditto Carrie.... I really didn't realize how important it was for both people to have the same desire for each other getting M. I wouldn't say sex is the ONLY thing in a M, but it certainly wasn't fair to myself or my H for me to get married when I didn't have that much of a sexual desire for him. My desire in my 20's was to get married, have a family & a partner I could depend on & forfeit sexual desire. That backfired big time 15 yrs later when my body desired OM & even seeing his name turns me on. I didn't know I had that in me @ all! Do I think we're compatible being married?? Sadly, no. So complicated, but yeah, cutting out sex in a M is like cutting off someone's arm & then not allowing them to have a prosthesis. Marriage isn't a vow of celibacy.
Heather1 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 ps - my avatar is Rodin's "The Kiss" in Paris. I looked at this on my 10th anniversary & had tears in my eyes...I wanted that SOOOOO BAD!! That's when I realized I had hardly any passion for my H. It was originally sculpted to be part of "The gates of hell."
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