colliejoanie Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Geez, I've read about it a million times......don't call first, don't text first....and there I was....DOING it!!! GAH! Blind date, it went amazing, by the end of the date he had his arm on the back of my chair, touching my shoulder from time to time. He was leaning in to me so that our knees touched and he would touch my knee when he was trying to make a point. Again, we had a blast. He walked me to my car. And kissed me. And kept on kissing me. Little pecks. And they were amazing. He's a wonderful kisser. Then he went on to tell me that my sister was right....he DID like me. I'm so cute, pretty, tall, etc. etc. etc. "We WILL go out again, PLEASE?" were his parting words...... And then I screwed it up...right??? I texted him when I got home (his drive is an hour, mine 20 min). I said "hey, just got home. thanks so much for dinner and great conversation. Hope to hear from you soon". TOO MUCH????? He responded 30 min later with "I had a great time also!" I'm friggin kicking myself for texting first, and then for the "Hope to hear from you soon" comment........HAVE I LEARNED NOTHING?? Did I screw it up? Am I being paranoid?
ivalm Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I don't think you screwed up, but only time will tell. I think most of the "rules" have been just made up as excuses for people who fail at dates.. they can always say: "I failed not because of my own qualities, but because I broke rule #497"... Seriously, don't smother the guy, but telling him you had a good time is always good.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 I don't think you screwed up, but only time will tell. I think most of the "rules" have been just made up as excuses for people who fail at dates.. they can always say: "I failed not because of my own qualities, but because I broke rule #497"... Seriously, don't smother the guy, but telling him you had a good time is always good. Roger that. Thanks!
GooseChaser Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Sounds fine to me. Actually, I think it sounds like things are getting off to a good start! His tone sounds positive. It's okay to send a text saying that you enjoyed a date. Don't overanalyze, just relax and see where things go!
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I always hold out on texting them first after a date. I might feel giddy and anxious- but I have learned to curb my enthusiasm and wait for the green light from the guy before showing my cards. You didn't screw up, not in the least bit. He answered right away, which is a good sign. Essentially, what you did was give him the green light that you are interested- nothing wrong with that. If you're worried about making yourself a little too vulnerable too soon- don't be! You've left the ball in his court to ask you out again- so just use a little restraint and let him do that. If you came home, texted him that you really liked him and suggested going out again tomorrow night...That might be considered a screw up. What you did was not crazy, so don't worry about it. You said you had a good time- now all you need to do is keep exchanging pleasant messages until he suggests meeting up again. No harm done. Just play it cool until he asks you out again.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks ladies......I hope so.....I've promised myself to Check Myself.. haha! It really did go well, and if nothing else, I see that it's not just crazy Aholes that are attracted to me....things are turning around, my friends!!! slowly but surely!! Thanks again!! Btw.....there will be no more contact initiated by me!
D-Lish Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks ladies......I hope so.....I've promised myself to Check Myself.. haha! It really did go well, and if nothing else, I see that it's not just crazy Aholes that are attracted to me....things are turning around, my friends!!! slowly but surely!! Thanks again!! Btw.....there will be no more contact initiated by me! Collie, when I met the guy I am seeing now, I was pretty head over heels for him right away. I got home from our first date and already had a text that was pretty vulnerable from his end. He sent it immediately upon getting home, but I was already thinking the same things he said. I practiced restraint for the first couple weeks (and it was hard)- but he asked me out again the next day after our first date. I think it's about finding that balance between being showing them your vulnerability and showing your interest. You didn't go overboard with what you said, so don't worry about it. but- DO let him ask you out for your next date;). He will.
FryFish Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Why? It sounds like he is interested. What if he loses your number before he calls you again? Dating "rules" are retarded... Go with what feels good and you will end up in a good place.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks D-lish....I have particularily been following your posts and knew that you had recently found a little happiness!. So, I appreciate your advice!!!
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 This guy hasn't called. Dating is CRAZY! He was the picture of smitten on our date..... Could it really be that he was offended when I contacted him first after our date??? I'm not heart broken by any means. I have, however drawn a line in the sand in regards to initiating contact........NEVER AGAIN. It hasn't worked out well!
KraftDinner Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Your text was totally just polite. Not clingy or weird. Who knows why he hasn't called. It could be a million reasons... but the fact is this: if THAT TEXT is the reason he hasn't called (which I consider VERY unlikely), then he has real issues (if the text was enough to put him off). You don't want to be with a guy who'd scare so easily anyway. But I doubt the text is what did it. You didn't screw up.
paddington bear Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 An unsurprising update. I don't get it. You have a great date. The guy seems to like you too. You are by contacting him: a) polite and b) showing interest. Bam! Guy is not interested any more. Seems like if a girl shows a man she likes him, he doesn't want her any more. Why do men do this? Why must we be forced to act cool? Why must we pretend that we are not intrigued? Why must we pretend that we don't want to see the guy again. Drives me nuts. You know what though (and you'll never know this). Perhaps if you hadn't got in touch with him, you still would not have heard from him, so don't beat yourself up over it either.
welikeincrowds Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 One polite text is never the reason. Although, one time in recent memory I was ambivalent about a 2nd date, and a same-night text just like the one you sent pushed me toward asking her out again. Who ****ing knows? Men are enigmas.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Nothing to worry about. I've never heard this rule but it sounds silly. You did what you did and he responded very favorably. So what's to worry about? No one is keeping score on you. Congratulations on a happy new connection btw.
TheWatcher Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 I think it's about finding that balance between being showing them your vulnerability and showing your interest. You didn't go overboard with what you said, so don't worry about it. but- DO let him ask you out for your next date;). He will. To the OP...I don't think that you did too much.It might have been a problem ...if the genders were reversed.Most men aren't turned off by signs of interest/eagerness as women generally appear to be. I understand why you might feel worried though...As a woman,you're taught to not do anything that will feed into a man's ego or that will lead to him feeling validated. By sending the text did you feel that you betrayed a core dating principle ?
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 betrayed[/i] a core dating principle ? I truly have never subscribed to "core dating principles". But I've been a bit burned lately by being "me". (and I'm relatively newly single, so being back in the dating scene has been a mind ####). Just trying to figure it all out!
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Although, I don't think all this confusion is because i'm relatively newly acquired to dating.......I think dating really is just THAT CONFUSING!
Questionis Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Maybe you did screw up but i he really likes you he will forgive you. If if was just dating you for the thrill of the chase then he would have dropped you but further down the line. That would hurt more because you would be losing a source of companionship and affection on top of feeling hurt/silly/rejected.
br0ken_w0lf Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 "Forgive" her?? She sent him a text saying she enjoyed the date, she didn't run over his dog! Anyway, personally I'd love to get a text like the one you sent after a date (at least then I wouldn't be wondering whether or not you enjoyed yourself) and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. As for why he hasn't called, like someone else said, there could be any number of reasons. I doubt he would have said those parting words if he wasn't interested...
paddington bear Posted January 16, 2011 Posted January 16, 2011 Women are indeed very curious creatures. They can go nuts over something so little as saying, "Thank you". Its unbelievable. How the female gender could survive up to now is beyond me. Because...that thank you can screw up a lot of things. The thank you means: "Now I know she likes me...huh...that's a bit boring, it was a bit exciting when I wasn't sure if she wanted me or not. I can have her any time I want. It's a bit needy and clingy. I don't like needy and clingy. Her liking me scares me a bit, she might want commitment, big commitment like a second date. I'm not sure that I can commit to that. This is all going too fast for me. Now I'm scared. Her sending me a message means she's interested, but am I? "I guess since I know for sure that she likes me, there is no point putting any more effort into pursuing her. Instead, I'll just put her on the back burner for now and pursue someone else more intriguing and mysterious because I love the thrill of the chase and she just took that away from me by daring to show some interest." And then you never hear from them again. We are not insane, just sick of the above scenario.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 16, 2011 Author Posted January 16, 2011 Okay, so if she didnt text him, "Thank you" and he still didnt call, what happens then? I bet you guys would still be arguing over some other hypothesis of why he didnt call. It seems to me that you ladies simply take joy in this making something out of nothing activity. Yes, if I hadn't texted him, and he never contacted me, I would be baffled, given the way the date ended. I don't think it's a woman thing......it's human to want to know why.
OceanGirl Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 For what it's worth, I think he wouldn't have called with or without the text. I texted my current new bf less than 30 minutes after we parted at the end of first date. I didn't even get home. This is what I texted word for word: "I really enjoyed meeting you today and think that you are very cute I look forward to getting to know you better!" He responded with simple "Me too :)" He texted me again later that evening and called me the next day and it took off from there.. He already asked me out at end of the first date for a specific day/activity so I felt pretty confident that he liked me when sending him that text.
ConflictedGuy27 Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 (edited) dumb (& irrelevant) rule aside, you should consider slowing down... you're damn near ready to give it up to a guy you met once, telling you everything you want to hear and touching you like he owns a kino textbook... okay ms. naive... just watch it, okay. I don't even need women's intuition to see how much you'll regret sleeping wity this cat next week (you will none the less). another easy breezy notch. Edited January 17, 2011 by ConflictedGuy27
Questionis Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 "Forgive" her?? She sent him a text saying she enjoyed the date, she didn't run over his dog! Anyway, personally I'd love to get a text like the one you sent after a date (at least then I wouldn't be wondering whether or not you enjoyed yourself) and there was absolutely nothing wrong with it. As for why he hasn't called, like someone else said, there could be any number of reasons. I doubt he would have said those parting words if he wasn't interested... Well I know this but guys are very strange creatures, I personally would be blissed out to receive such a text!
Mme. Chaucer Posted January 17, 2011 Posted January 17, 2011 I agree that the text you sent did not have anything to do with him calling you or not. Who knows. Maybe he has a girlfriend. He is a stranger to you, really. Dating is, indeed, weird. I think you are just going to have to learn to take everything with the proverbial "grain of salt" until you have good reasons not to, while in the dating world. For the record, I am sure that you did NOT do anything wrong by sending that text, and if that is your personal style you should feel free to do the exact same thing again if you feel like it after a future date that goes well. If a guy is going to think you are too eager, or whatever, for telling him honestly that you had a good time, then he probably is not for you anyway. A mature guy who is interested in you should be able to accept such a communication gracefully, IMO. And also for the record, I DO believe that there is "over the top" post-dating behavior (including adding a person to your fb after one or 2 dates and actually over-eager texts that could be a red flag about neediness) that would be counterproductive and maybe hurtful to yourself. Your text did not fall into that category.
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