caligirl90 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Guys and girls I really need some advice. I'm very confused. I'm a 21yo girl and just met this guy, he's 25yo. I've know him for a little less than month and we are already a couple. Well long story short I really, really like him a lot. He's affecionate, sweet and caring. Loves to cuddle and the sex is good. Well here's the real issue. He just got out of a year and a half relationship with a 30yo man. They were living together for the last 8 months and he just left this guy, 5 days before x-mas. He just called him up and told him he wasn't gay and that he really, really loves women. I really didn't like the way he treated his ex, he was rather mean and rude to him and just bailed on him like it was nothing. We've spoken about his ex and he really doesn't like to talk about him. Almost like he wants to forget him. He says he loves him as a person but he's not gay and want a straight lifestyle. Well I don't know what to do. He already wants to move in with me, like I said he's super sweet and affecionate when we are together. I have so much fun with him. But I just don't know what to do. Am I a rebound, he met me when he was with this guy. How can someone just switch his sexuality like that. Is he straight, gay or bi? Like I said I really, really like this guy a lot, but I'm scared that one day he might go back to men. Also if he did this to his ex whats gonna prevent him from doing it to me. Confused here.
creighton0123 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) The fact that he said "he's not gay and want a straight lifestyle" could indicate a certain level of self-denial or self-hatred. When he was dating this man for a year and a half, was he open about it with other friends or his family? The other scenario is that he could legitimately be bisexual, in which case there's only one thing you need to clarify... Will he do to you what he did to his ex? Will he suddenly decide one day that he's not happy with you and move on to someone else without any closure whatsoever? To answer your last question, yes - while sexual orientation is innate, it can also be fluid in rare situations. A straight person can suddenly find themselves more and more attracted to the same gender and vice versa. It's rare, but it happens - even outside of "conversion therapy". DON'T let him move in with you until you're good and ready. His even suggesting it leans towards his being extremely and fundamentally confused to the point where he's willing to take advantage of you. Hell, I'm a gay man and I have a wonderful boyfriend who makes me so very happy. I'm occasionally shocked when I find a woman sexually attractive and have had sex with women in the past. I'm just lucky my attraction and love for him massively overwhelms the fact that I do find other people attractive, male and female. Monogamy and dedication is the way for me. You should make sure that it's the way for him before you take any major steps. Edited January 5, 2011 by creighton0123
Author caligirl90 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks. Yes, he was open that he had a boyfriend with his friends and family. His dad is gay and left his mom for another man when he was very young. His dad is now married to a man and lives close by, about 40 miles. He keeps on telling me that he's not gay, but I'm just really confused. I know sexuality can be fluid, some of my girlfriends have messed around with other girls but that was in high school and it was only one or two times. A few of my guy friends have messed around with guys but that was also in high school and one or two times, not on a regular basis. A year and a half relationship is a long time. I'm just really concerned as to how fast his sexuality switched. One day he's with a man and then less than 24 hours later he's with me. He says he would never do that to me, but I've learned to watch how others treat people.
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