OrangeSnack Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) So what I thought to be a date turned out to be a conversation mainly about her and her exs. Seems like shes telling me A LOT of information in the past, being fired from her previous work (given that it was not her fault), how most guys she meets just wants to get into her pants, and how her current casual/open relationship with this guy is turning sour. Shes extremely ambitious, beautiful, and smart. I really liked her when I first saw her. But its a little irritating when she talks about her past experiences with her exs and how she has difficulties finding Mr. Right. As a nice guy, all I can do is listen and just sit there. Pretend I'm interested in the conversation and trying to advice her to stop going after these scum bags. My overall vibe after our "hangout" was sub par. I was thrilled to find someone that enjoys hockey, however, it didn't go as planned. What are your takes. When you are on a first date, is it good that your partner is TALKING WAAAAAY too much? Maybe I am just a good listener Perhaps, she's telling me all of these things because she feels "comfortable" with me? Friend zone here I come! For the future, what is the right thing to do on a date when your partner is talking about the past experiences? Edited January 5, 2011 by OrangeSnack
paleblue Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 i would be put off too by it. i can picture meeting a good looking girl, the excitment! and then... bummer.. she's talking about garbage no one really cares about. how boring/depressing. oh well. see ya. i guess if there's a next time it happens you can try to change the subject tactfully to something a little more upbeat.
carhill Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 For the future, what is the right thing to do on a date when your partner is talking about the past experiences? If all they're doing is talking and not showing interest in you, just walk out. They won't miss you. Some other d!ck will show up and humor them.
dispatch3d Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I probably wouldn't date her. I don't feel a need to talk a ton ever (despite being extroverted). However, if she's talking A LOT about all those kinds of things then yeah that would be a problem for me. In my case I'd start trying to turn the subjects of talk into something that didn't suck - just cause she'd be stomping on my positive experience and I wouldn't approve of it.
refurb Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 That would have been a big turn-off for me too. It's important to me that my date is socially aware enough to know what is good 1st date conversation and what isn't. Tips: 1. Ask questions of your date. 2. Keep your responses to questions positive. 3. No need for your whole life story! RF
810 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 What are your takes. When you are on a first date, is it good that your partner is TALKING WAAAAAY too much? Maybe I am just a good listener Perhaps, she's telling me all of these things because she feels "comfortable" with me? Friend zone here I come! For the future, what is the right thing to do on a date when your partner is talking about the past experiences? I don't see anything bad when a girl talks about her past or way talking too much on the first date. S/he might be nervous or talkative. I found out some people have the tendency talking about themselves when they like someone--it's a form of self-expression. It's not necessary a one-way street to the friend-zone playground. Like you said, she might feels comfortable to share how she was, what she likes/dislikes in relationship using her ex as an example. I usually read between the lines to find common interests and learn about their personalities/characters that way. I like to give people a chance when I can or find fit. However, if they talk about their exes non-stop on second or third date, then I'd let that person go because they are clearly not over the past.
Author OrangeSnack Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 I don't see anything bad when a girl talks about her past or way talking too much on the first date. S/he might be nervous or talkative. I found out some people have the tendency talking about themselves when they like someone--it's a form of self-expression. It's not necessary a one-way street to the friend-zone playground. Like you said, she might feels comfortable to share how she was, what she likes/dislikes in relationship using her ex as an example. I usually read between the lines to find common interests and learn about their personalities/characters that way. I like to give people a chance when I can or find fit. However, if they talk about their exes non-stop on second or third date, then I'd let that person go because they are clearly not over the past. Thanks for the tip. I do agree with you. People deserve another chance. Perhaps its a way of her showing her interest. She didn't talk about it all the time, but it would pop in occasionally and she would ask me for my input. We did have a good talk about who I think she should date. I would say 90% of the time during our date, i was trying to get to know her so I was asking her a TON of questions.
carhill Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 What generally happens is, with sufficient enabling behaviors, the date becomes a therapy session and the man becomes a valued receptacle for the issues of the day, whether that be the other guys the lady wants to bang, the guys she's banged in the past, or why her urine smells funny. If she's exceedingly crude, she might even refer to the man as 'oh dear, I feel like you're almost a girlfriend'. Then, she'll fall asleep in your arms, oblivious to the raging hard-on in your pants. Does it sound like I speak from some experience? If you try to kiss such a woman, they take great offense, as they are attracted to *men*, not girlfriends. You are then banished to phone consultations. Like I said, you can walk out, or, if you've a stomach for public confrontations, call them on their behavior directly. 'I want to date you, not be your therapist' Watch what happens next....ohh boy...
deebeechrisyo Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I either change the subject whenever past ex discussion comes up, or if my mind is coming up blank I react with a general disinterest. If she doesn't get the point then I figure she is either waaayy too tied up with her ex or she lacks social skills. It doesn't matter if she is "wrong" or not by bringing up exes, what does matter is that you will be friend-zoned if you let it go on too much and respond with "oh yeah, what a jerk!".
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