AbsoluteSucker Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Anybody ever stayed strong with NC and didn't respond to phone calls, email or text and had the ex finally just want to know that you were okay or still alive? Did they ask you directly or finally someone close to you? How did you respond? Did you ever talk to them again after they found out you were doing good?
NeNinja Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Right after out breakup my ex got into a habit of emailing me and when I didn't respond within the hour texting me and when I didn't respond within five or ten minutes calling me just to ask if I was ok. She did it three times in the first week (before NC). I answered. Said I was fine just busy, made small talk for a few minutes, and then hung up. We weren't in no contact then and I'm sure she was just trying to get used to not talking to me. Who knows? Who cares?
Author AbsoluteSucker Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Who knows? Who cares? I appreciate you replying your experience, but I don't know what other people have experienced and if I didn't care about replies I wouldn't have asked.
homebrew Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 I have experience with this... You do not want to cave on NC. I am 38 and I have had several EXes contact my parents to get in touch with me because they did not know how to reach me. They didn't have my phone number or email address. We are not talking about teenagers here... When they want you... They will come after you! If an EX that dumped you wants a second chance... It's not YOUR JOB to get them to want YOU. It's THEIR JOB to get YOU to want them.
Keep no foolin alive Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Read this which was posted ages ago by the legendary NO FOOLIN Take it from me the absolute worst thing you can do is attempt to get in to contact with your ex (regardless of the reason). From a guys perspective, men have a far more difficult time getting over their ex. I think women have a far stronger support structure and tend to listen to the advice of family and friends; thus, when they hear enough times "that he's a jerk" and have their feelings validated by those outside the relationship, they tend to run with it. If you have spent considerable time away from your ex, 4+ months, your gonna need a 100 yard touchdown pass to get him/her back into your life. I've been through this several times. All contacting your ex is going to do is really screw you up, like spiking yourself in the nuts with a snow shovel (know what I'm saying). You don't want to know how they are doing (its really more than you can handle). Nothing that you are doing is going to impress or endear them to you, regardless who dumped who. I have noticed that those of us here, tend to be the ones that are plauged by the memory of loves lost. Our ex is not pimping this site. They do not sit and pine after you. They have moved on. Take this example: past behavior is the best indication of future behavior. Think back to a time when you ex discussed ex-boyfriend/girlfriend with you. Remember how they talked about them? Remember how they got over them? They are doing the same thing to you (we are very slowly accepting this and we are very, very pissed off). In my opinion and after many conversations with guys and girls, you don't quite get over those you have been close to. If you have ever had a death in your family you will understand where I'm coming from. Regardless of time you will always have a small ache when their memory surfaces, fact. However, the agony of loss will eventually go away. I am a firm adhearer to the concept of modeling the sucess of others to become sucessful. What I'm saying is mimic what others are doing to get yourself free. This is what I have learned. 1) Treat yourself as if you are your girlfriend/boyfriend when you first met them. how did you speak to them? Speak to yourself in the same way. Did you dress to the 9 to be more attractive for your love? Do the same for yourself now. Were you physically attentive to them? Get massages, change up your flat, put yourself in luxury. Did you workout to impress them? Exercise and get rocked up for yourself now. 2)You must treat your ex like he/she is a serial killing stalker. Avoid all (once again ALL) contact with them. Do not call, e-mail, PM, morse code, smoke signal your ex. You will go back to day one of your break up when you do this. Subconciously I think they want to hurt you, so you can hurt like they did. 3)Break your patterns. Do not drive by your ex's place, work, hangouts. You will not accomplish anything but hurting yourself. How would you feel if you see him/her with another (back to break up day 1)? Find other hangouts, other routes to work, other places to workout May cost you some extra money to change locale but it saves on the pain. 4) Become obsessed with a project (this is essential) do some thing you always wanted to do, I don't care what it is. Make sure it involves other people (makes it social). Give yourself little free time. Its when were alone that the demons come. 5) know your mind, find out when you think about your ex, and plan accordingly. I know when I'm tired or really hungry or have nothing to do, her memory surfaces (and she's a scrub). WATCH HOW YOU TALK TO YOURSELF. Congnitive Behavioral Therapy adhears to: What you think is what you feel. This for me is very true. When I feel bad, I do it to myself, not her, not you, ME. 6) Lay off serious relationships for awhile...REALLY! When you do have down time from your now hectic life, that is when you go out with friends and get your drink/party on. 7) Hook up......Yes I said hook up! People, really much of the time all we miss is the physical closeness we had with our ex (for guys this is normally 90% true). My ex was a walking version of the Blair Witch Project (that was me standing in the corner LOL). The physical was all that kept me, even when s**t was really bad. I have found now adays many people are into no strings realtionships or "booty calls" if you will (many people just don't want the hassle of being emotional, or have time for a relationship). My advice is enter into negotiations with a perspective girl/guy. Negotiations should consist of the nature of the realtionship (physical+no drama). Both parties must agree or someone is going to get hurt. I believe that once the physical is taken care of and no relationship is assumed you can be free to work on yourself. The power of the ex will be greatly diminished. 8)Emergency measures: If you run into your ex. If you can roll out before they see you, bail. YOU CANNOT HANDLE what they have to say to you. If you can't bail, wave, smile, roll out (somethings are better left unsaid). If you are trapped and you have to talk, follow these rules A) do not give any info out about you B) do not request info about them C)You are busy, state this nicely, with smile, roll out. You have just saved yourself a ton of pain and you are also mysterious, they think that they're not worth your time (they're not). 8.5) After action: After you see you ex, your going to be a tad screwed up. Refer rule 1) talk to yourself like you are your significant other. Flood yourself with realistic positive comments and walk it off and GET BUSY DOING SOMETHING. 9) Alone emergency measures: A) Get busy doing something (make a card castle, exercise, whatever) B) instill this thought: My situation is not bad, there are people on this planet dying from killer waves, sleeping on the street, being abused by those who should be taking care of them or wasting away from disease, all I got is heart ache, I'm being a little B**ch. If your really hurting just roll into a cancer ward and try to explain your problem to people who are about to take a dirt nap, walk it off To close, I am well on my way to walking this off. Big part of it was lurking here. This is all that I have learned. You people rock. I'm gonna stick around because unknowingly you did the same for me. Point of interest, I have two dates lined up for the rest of FEB. I'm back!!! I would not change one single thing. What dosen't kill us make us stronger.
Hades Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Anybody ever stayed strong with NC and didn't respond to phone calls, email or text and had the ex finally just want to know that you were okay or still alive? Did they ask you directly or finally someone close to you? How did you respond? Did you ever talk to them again after they found out you were doing good? Yes, I haven't responded to any communication from my ex for the last two weeks. So, he called my good friend to check on me and I have remained NC.
radiodarcy Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 he's contacted me directly four times since he told me to move on. three of the contacts were holiday texts (thanksgiving, xmas and new years) and the other attempt was a phone call to see if i was ok. i'd like to say i remained strong but i responded . i was cordial but brief with the text responses ("yes i had a good holiday, thx. i hope you did too"). i did return his call but i waited until i knew he'd be too busy to answer and left a voice msg. i just said "thanks for calling. i'm good. i hope your doing well. take care. bye". keeping those responses so brief wasnt easy. but not responding would have been even harder
D78 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 9) Alone emergency measures: A) Get busy doing something (make a card castle, exercise, whatever) B) instill this thought: My situation is not bad, there are people on this planet dying from killer waves, sleeping on the street, being abused by those who should be taking care of them or wasting away from disease, all I got is heart ache, I'm being a little B**ch. If your really hurting just roll into a cancer ward and try to explain your problem to people who are about to take a dirt nap, walk it off This whole thing is great, but #9 is priceless. Thanks!
Trovador Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I have been strong with NC, that is I have not contacted her first... I have always answered when she's contacted me (she does it, invariably)... in her words: "not talking to me is childish and stupid enough to not respond when I contact you"... Despite everything, she doesn't deserve being rude with her... it all depends on the particular circumstances of each relationship, but if you have your mind on not responding when contacted, that means the break up was clean and there isn't much to do really but to move on... Some wise guys on this forum say that being contacted doesn't mean you are breaking NC, if that is your concern?
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