eggy Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Anyone who ever gotten back together with their ex feels that it was the same as before? Worst? Can it be better? I would like to hear some stories. thx
ShatteredReality Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Things aren't typically "the same". Some things may be the same, some things may feel the same...but if you get a deep cut, that spot doesn't look the same anymore right? You will have a scar. So will your relationship. I cannot count how many times my H and I broke up before settling in for the long haul. We were young, of course, and that's the excuse...he was confused....yadda yadda....each time he wanted me back I came back on happy feet - I must have been a total glutton for punishment. Either way - we're together now and it's been more than 10 yrs. We've hit icebergs and speed bumps and every pothole in town....each one changes our relationship in it's own way and some of them we've both wondered if we could ever move forward, but here we are. We've taken turns being the offender....We love eachother very much and in some ways we're stronger for the trials we've seen...in others we are weaker. Just depends on which trials you have already gone through and will in the future. Some we aren't willing to repeat...others we will repeat if we have to...If you want things to be Just as they were in the first place, that may not be possible. So you really need to ask yourself if you're willing to learn this new relationship that you'll be building and are you both strong enough to go at it again?
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Things aren't typically "the same". Some things may be the same, some things may feel the same...but if you get a deep cut, that spot doesn't look the same anymore right? You will have a scar. So will your relationship. I cannot count how many times my H and I broke up before settling in for the long haul. We were young, of course, and that's the excuse...he was confused....yadda yadda....each time he wanted me back I came back on happy feet - I must have been a total glutton for punishment. Either way - we're together now and it's been more than 10 yrs. We've hit icebergs and speed bumps and every pothole in town....each one changes our relationship in it's own way and some of them we've both wondered if we could ever move forward, but here we are. We've taken turns being the offender....We love eachother very much and in some ways we're stronger for the trials we've seen...in others we are weaker. Just depends on which trials you have already gone through and will in the future. Some we aren't willing to repeat...others we will repeat if we have to...If you want things to be Just as they were in the first place, that may not be possible. So you really need to ask yourself if you're willing to learn this new relationship that you'll be building and are you both strong enough to go at it again? Very, Very good description of what it is like and what to expect! If you both are really committed, really want it to work and really fight for it... then you will make it! Most of the time... one or both parties gives up and throws in the towel.
LifeIsGreat Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Also, the dumpee can start to feel resentment. May be waiting to be dumped again, and this affects their ability to truly invest themselves in the relationship. A lot of this has to do with the emotional maturity of the individuals involved.
cerridwen Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Anyone who ever gotten back together with their ex feels that it was the same as before? Worst? Can it be better? I would like to hear some stories. thx If not enough time has passed before going back, it's the same/worse. That's been my experience. After reuniting, it's fun and you feel like "Ah...we are meant to be, see? This feels sooo right." Then, the problems resurface and you break up again, sometimes with more venom and you're even more confused, hurt, and bitter. When 2nd chances have been better it's been when 1) the reasons we broke up were minor 2) over a year had passed 3) some serious maturing had happened. A girlfriend of mine broke up with her boyfriend when she was 18. They reunited three years later and just got engaged after another 6 years together. They did a lot of changing from ages 18-27. Also, their original problems were not characterological, they were circumstantial. Edited January 4, 2011 by cerridwen
angie08 Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 I think it's probably a bad thing if things are the same and it is important to have had a long, honest discussion about where things went wrong and those should be the changes you notice as well as an increase in communication because to have split up in the first place, there was probably a lack of this. I disagree with some comments though because I know three couples who are now engaged and very happy who all split up and got back together within 2-4 months. Can't tell you whether they'll all last forever but who knows what the future holds anyway...
Kansas Posted January 19, 2011 Posted January 19, 2011 My ex-EX boyfriend and I had a crazy break up/make up story. We broke up amicably and then tried to stay friends (really bad idea because we still cared for each other and it was hard for both of us to watch each other date other people). I was dating (not seeing anyone exclusively) and we went out one night and ended up going home with a girl and that was really had to watch. In the end we did end up getting back together, but frankly, we did more damage in the period when we were not dating and trying to be friends that when we did get back together it wasn't the same. My feelings were hurt and frankly we both realized that we loved each other very much but because of all of the damage done, we were no longer in love with each other so again we split amicably. When he and I broke up the first time I was crushed and heart broken. After all the drama (and nearly a year later) we moved into the zone of being REAL friends and gradually a genuine friendship developed between us. We are still very good friends, and frankly I could not imagine not having him in my life - he contributes to my life in a much better way as a friend then we every did to each other in a relationship. He's married and happy now. We don't live in the same city but keep in touch on the phone. There are no feelings left between us and I'm so grateful for the friendship we have.
Mr Nice Guy Posted March 1, 2011 Posted March 1, 2011 If not enough time has passed before going back, it's the same/worse. That's been my experience. After reuniting, it's fun and you feel like "Ah...we are meant to be, see? This feels sooo right." Then, the problems resurface and you break up again, sometimes with more venom and you're even more confused, hurt, and bitter. When 2nd chances have been better it's been when 1) the reasons we broke up were minor 2) over a year had passed 3) some serious maturing had happened. A girlfriend of mine broke up with her boyfriend when she was 18. They reunited three years later and just got engaged after another 6 years together. They did a lot of changing from ages 18-27. Also, their original problems were not characterological, they were circumstantial. I like what you've said here cerridwen because for me its so true. There have been times when I've gotten back together with an ex and its been so great that we don't know why we broke up in the first place. And then eventually the problems come back and we wonder why we didn't stay apart. At the moment, my ex and I have been broken up for about a month, in which she ended it. When it ended the reasons for the breakup itself were minor- when people asked why and I told them, they thought that it didn't warrant a breakup because I was willing to support her and I know what she is going through. The overriding reason why she didn't want me there was a little bigger though. We even never really fought about anything right up to the night it ended (we had small disagreements but we could talk about them). So it was really confusing and still is. I have no idea if she's going to come back, but I do really want her back. She has though been dropping "crumbs" (really huge crumbs I might add) over msn and text messages (like being affectionate and telling me that she loves me still). I don't think the reasons are character based but they might be...it's a little hard to tell. I wonder sometimes if I met her a couple of years ago, maybe it might've been different. But of course I know that it would take some work for her and us in general if she were to come back.
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