lostanddazed Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Ok, so here we go. My ex and I were in a relationship for 6 years and living together. She one day got up and left and went to live with her mom, basically saying she hates my cats and dog. I live with my brother and his girlfriend and im sure that had a lot to do with it. Anyway I knew her going back to her moms was going to cause problems because her parents hate me. So a couple months later I go on a business trip. I come back and tell her lets hang out, she says she cant because she already made plans with friends. We got into a fight, and I told her we should take a break. The break was for a week, and when the week was up she decided to break up with me, saying she needs to be single, and she's confused about life right now. Basically, it's was the it's you it's me speech. She changed her phone number, and started calling me every 3-4 days private, telling me she loves me and misses me. Then on my birthday decides to have sex with me all night. So here I am thinking awesome, we got a chance. Then it starts all over again, calling me private, telling me she loves me and misses me. Few days later I see her facebook, and she has a pic posted up with one of her friends both dressed real nice, hugging, and smiling. With comments attached to it like... "I told you that you were destined" and "those were the innocent days, if you could believe that" I know the guy, he is the biggest nerd I ever met, and never liked him. I always thought he was a closet homosexual. So she calls me agian.. yadda yadda i love you, i miss you. So I confronted her. She tells me that picture was from a wedding she went to last year, and those comments were just jokes. I let it slide.. and couple days go by, and I said screw this. I told her I met someone else, and It was only fair to let you know. She calls me from her real number, saying she's crushed.. she hates me.. and she wanted to come see me after work and talk face to face. She comes over.. this was the day before new years eve, and starts talking to me.. making out with me, saying she loves me. Then gets on the topic of the girl. I said look its not important. She said.. well my friend has been asking me out on dates alot.. Referring to the facebook guy. I keep telling him no. So I asked her if she liked him. She said no, he is to skinny, and girlie for me. So I ask her what she is doing for new years, she tells me she is going out of town. Day after new years arrives, I look at her facebook, and look at her "friends" facebook. He has a picture of him and her, dressed in a suit, and dress with a drinks in their hands. I said **** this, changed my number and was done with it. She starts emailing me.. I wish you diddnt change your number.. another email saying please call me.. then she calls my job. I said what do you want. She asked me why I was mad, I explained to her about the photo's. She tried telling me that his photo was from a party a long time ago. I responded with im not stupid.. couple a days ago you got a photo of you and him, now he has one with you and him. She said I cant help it he has a crush on me. So I said so you were out of town for new years huh? she said ya. I responded are you sure? She said ya. I took a shot in the dark and said, Cause I happen to know you were at a hilton with that guy on new years. She was shocked and started asking me how I knew. She finally fesses up, and tells me she was there with him, but that photo was still from a while ago.. and she was there with him and a bunch of friends. I hung up.. and emailed her to never contact me again, i could never in a million years be with a liar like you. She starts emailing me back saying I wish I was with him so you would have a reason to be so stupid. Saying she hates me.. this and that. She calls me back saying, "i want you back." I said no, and she repeats it. I tell ok... what are you doing tonight? she said im going to the movies. I said is that guy going to be there. She said ya, but it's with a group of friends. I said ok... If you want me back.. cancel your plans and ill pick you up tonight. She said no, I said Ok bye.. She kept talking to me saying please don't hang up. I told you got till 8pm to call me, if you don't cancel your plans, never in your life even think about me again. She never called me back. My question is now.. besides, what the hell is going on. Is do I contact this guy, and let him know everything? Is there a chance she isnt lying?? should I just drop this bitch. I so confused cause I still love her so much. I really want to email this guy, and let him know that I don't know whats going on between you two.. but this is whats going on with me. Any advice guys.. please.. im in a moment of desperation.
Author lostanddazed Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 well this how our last emails went.. this one from me.. Why are you so bi-polar lol? You said you want me back, and now you don't even e-mail me? I thought we were friends!!! lol. I was going to let you come to vegas with me next thursday.. but not with that kind of attitude! Sincerely though, you were a great gal. It sucks all this happened but it did. I really hope you find a way out of DnB. That place really sucks you in.. its horrible, you will be 25 this year man..seriously..you are at that point where I was..Just leave.. you got your mom till July..you can find something much better. The good thing about when we were together is we always had the ability to push each other. We challenged each other everyday, that was really unique, we wanted better for each other more then ourselves. I also really hope dave is just a rebound for ya. No offence to him, im sure he is a great guy, but if you thought I was a loser at one point... well.. you kinda went a little lower lol. Ya our relationship had some problems, but you should know better then anyone if you want something to be great, you gotta work at it. I was willing to work at it everyday for the rest of my life, because thats what I wanted. I know your at a point in your life where you don't know what you want. Maybe dave makes you laugh, and forget about me at times, but dammit... in the back of your mind you know..it eats at you..you love me, and you don't know why. It's a scary thing, I felt that way when you left. I was able to regroup, and gain myself back. No, I don't plan on entering any relationships anytime soon because it's not best to do that until you have fully healed. As much better as I feel, I know I still miss and love you, so it's not fair for me or whoever im with to have to deal with that baggage. As much as you want to dwell on the bad times, it's good to think of all the good times. We really had a lot of them. I know your so focused on the negative, and thats a shame. Thats why im actually going to Vegas, lots of good memories there, plus a job interview on Friday. Things are going pretty good for me, besides last weekend lol, just picturing you with dave..was brutal.. but then I pictured dave with his shirt off.. and it made me laugh lol. Im just kidding, MMA gym going really well, really gives me my confidence back. I strayed away from that cool calm collective mentality for awhile. Im back on track now. Getting my car in a couple weeks, Im really excited about that, and who knows.. if I do well in this interview im off to Vegas. Keep yo fingers crossed. I passed the phone interview they really liked me, now I got this one, If i do good they give me a drug test and background check, and Ill be up there in April. Anyways.. Hope all is good, Im confident you will realise alot of things shortly. Your a smart girl, you just got a lot on your plate right now. So.. take it ez, relax.. and try not to do things you will regret. Hope you don't mind that I email you from time to time, you were the best friend I ever had, I still like to share things with you. Atleast you werent a future ex wife lol. laters, and hers.. to me hope all works out for you in Vegas. Once again, I'm not with Dave... You insist, but again, it's cool. Ive actually been dying to go back there for a while. Trust me, I will be leaving DnB very soon... Just a few more weeks. I don't mind that you email me. Maybe this is the only way we can be civilized and actually talk about things other than our past. I do need time to regroup myself, and I've started quite the routine for myself. I didn't contact you because I no longer want to lead you on. Lol I've been expecting an email tho!!! Haha well, Lemme know how your trip to Vegas goes!! So what you think guys.. is there hope here.. or should i just all contact.. and cut my losses?
0hpenelope Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 There's too much push and pull dynamics here, bro. She broke up with you first and didn't observe the boundaries of a proper ex, led you on, strung you along, and you kept giving her chances. Cut your losses. She contacts you when she wants anyway. If she makes up her mind about you, she knows how to find you - and I hope you'll insist that she has to earn a relationship with you back with no spite or mean-spiritedness on your part. And uh... I have to emphasize this: don't show her if you're affected when you see her new guy. Keep your dignity intact.
suddendumpee Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I didn't contact you because I no longer want to lead you on. Lol I've been expecting an email tho!!! Dude, I don't know what you're reading, but this doesn't sound good to me at all. She doesn't want to lead you on = she's not interested in dating you anymore I've been expecting an e-mail tho!!! = I knew I still had you wrapped around my finger, and that you would cave in and contact me first thereby donating your ballsack to my safety-deposit box, never to be touched or sucked on again by these lips.
Author lostanddazed Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 So basically... this crap is over huh.. sucks man she says stuff like that all the time.. then calls or emails me in 3-4 days saying she misses me and loves me. So I guess I got to completly ignore her. I keep telling myself that.. but then She writes or calls.. and I feel so such a strong urge to contact her back.. and I can't control myself..
jenifer1972 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 This girl is drama with a capital D. Why do you keep getting sucked back like a moth to a flame? Is your mom like this?
Author lostanddazed Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) my mom died when I was young. So, I wouldnt know. I keep getting sucked back in because i've lived with this girl for almost 6 years. I did everything with her. Worst part is.. I know its bad news, I know I gotta move on, I just cant. Im scared of losing her forever. Even though im pretty sure I have. She still has all the pictures of us on her facebook, I know she still loves me, I just don't know why all this crap is happening. I met her when she was 19 now she about to be 25, Maybe we met to young, I don't know. If NC will work, I will try it.. even though it will be hard, I had no idea about NC before I started reading this board, So the past 2 months i been making all the classic mistakes. Im just confused. Ohh and about that don't show her if you're affected when you see her new guy. I already messed that up pretty bad, I told her if she diddnt take that picture down that I was going to break his neck. Then I messaged him on facebook saying if he diddnt take that picture down I was going to wait for him after work and beat the living **** outta him. Good thing is both pictures came down.. but now im scarred I messed that up lol. Edited January 6, 2011 by lostanddazed
0hpenelope Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I sympathize with you regarding the loss of your mom at a young age. All of your pictures being on her Facebook don't matter. There are some people who are okay with having their past relationships remain posted on there and having those photos doesn't mean she hasn't moved on. Everyone's got different reasons for keeping those photos posted, including the "were so cute babe <3 u!" comments from years ago. Personally, I've no idea how they're able to do that. I usually throw all physical reminders of my ex, donate what I can't throw away, and delete all photos immediately. No use in holding on to something that doesn't mean anything anymore. Ohh and about that don't show her if you're affected when you see her new guy. I already messed that up pretty bad, I told her if she diddnt take that picture down that I was going to break his neck. Then I messaged him on facebook saying if he diddnt take that picture down I was going to wait for him after work and beat the living **** outta him. Good thing is both pictures came down.. but now im scarred I messed that up lol. Yeah, it's bad what you did but it's still not too late to save face. Emotions do get the better of us sometimes and threatening them over pictures that, while you're uncomfortable with them, were their business to post is not cool. You already know this because it's clear you're regretting it. Your anger's normal, but what you do and say about your angry feelings are what really matters. So even though you messed up this once, the beauty of NC is, you're out of sight, you're working on yourself, and you won't fly off the handle so easily about it. Well, hopefully you won't.
Author lostanddazed Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 Ok she emailed me this last night.. I havnt responded or anything.. This was her email.. I had an okay day at work today. Made decent money... Lol I scammed like crazy!! Bad Aly. I guess, in a way, I'm hoping they catch me and fire me!! I want you to know that I constantly think of you. I'm starting to question more the reasons I didn't want to be with you... This whole situation seems to have really changed you. For the better. Im dying for a change... It seems you got it before I did but I'm happy for you. I don't know if I've ever felt this lost before in my life. You're right, I have been focusing on the negative of our relationship... But it's because I feel I pushed so hard to make it work and it just didn't. I know, to make things perfect, you gotta work at them. But I did... Whatever, I will no longer dwell on the past. No use in crying over spilt milk.. Love you forever. Hope to hear from you soon. So what do I Do???? Ignore it?? contact her back?? **** this is hard
Colorless Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 (edited) This girl knows exactly how to manipulate you to a T. You are going to be stuck in a black hole for a few years before you are free of this girl. Trust me. And no light escapes from a black hole... Unless you listen closely and put someone else's advice before the voice in your own head: Most people feel that the ones giving them advice don't truly understand, because they don't know you or your ex like you do. Simple fact is, though, that your ONLY chance is to cut her off 100% after you tell her one last time that you want to be with her, but it's too hard talking to each other when you aren't together - so you have to cut off all ties until she's ready to be together again. Tell her not to contact you unless she is ready to give it one last and best shot. Then go NC. Psychology is the chains that bind. Edited January 6, 2011 by Colorless
0hpenelope Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Psychology is the chains that bind. :lmao: Ain't that the truth!
Author lostanddazed Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 you want to be with her, but it's too hard talking to each other when you aren't together - so you have to cut off all ties until she's ready to be together again. Tell her not to contact you unless she is ready to give it one last and best shot. Then go NC. Isnt that contradicting towards my first email to her? I told her I would want to email her from time to time. Plus ive said that dont contact me again line like 100 times during our break up. Am I better off just going NC right now, or still email her that?
Author lostanddazed Posted January 6, 2011 Author Posted January 6, 2011 ok so here is what im thinking of emailing her.. let me know Hey my little scam artist, Glad I was able to teach you the tricks of the trade lol. Anyway, I want you back. Im willing to forget the past and focus on the future. It would be best if you don't contact me until you are ready to give it our last, and best shot. So is that a bad idea? or should I just cut all contact asap?
AbsoluteSucker Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 It's a bad idea dude, it gives her all the power and basically says that whenever she wants, she can just contact you and say let's get back together and you'll drop everything to be with her. You have to make her think about the situation and give her a sense of loss, you can't just always be there. Start with the NC right now, and see where it goes from there, but based on what she just emailed you, focus on the future and if you get the urge to contact her again, post your thoughts here for some feedback.
Author lostanddazed Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 Ok so here is my dilema.. I felt through her last email... scroll up to see... That she is telling me she messed up, and she's looking for me to give her a reason that all this will work out. I still have not responded, but I feel there may be a window of time here. Am I just being paranoid? Or would I just be playing into her game by responding. Should I maintain my NC? its been a day and this crap is hard lol. Anyway Im looking forward to the feedback. Thanks to everyone who has put in their 2 cents.
JM_in_CA Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 (edited) I'm sorry to say it but it's true. She's got some issues and a lot of growing up to do. In your first post you wrote: We got into a fight, and I told her we should take a break. The break was for a week, and when the week was up she decided to break up with me, saying she needs to be single, and she's confused about life right now. Basically, it's was the it's you it's me speech. She changed her phone number, and started calling me every 3-4 days private, telling me she loves me and misses me. WTH? She breaks up with you, changes her phone number but hides the new number's caller id and then calls you every few days to tell you how much she loves you and misses you? And worse still, when you tell her that you've started seeing someone else, she gets mad and says she hates you, etc? You need to bite the bullet and stay away from her. If she keeps bugging you at work- tell her that you're going to seek a restraining order if she doesn't stop. Do NOT cave in and contact her because you're missing her. I know the good times were great and that you want to hold on to the ideal that you can someday have that again with her but it WON'T happen (at least not until she grows up and figures out what she wants and develops the skills to handle her emotions better). I predict nothing but a continued back and forth 'I love you' "I hate you" nightmare if you continue to let her play you the way that she has been. Don't give her the power to keep messing with you like this. She needs to work on HERSELF and become emotionally healthy and secure before you two can ever have a relationship that isn't filled with so much drama and bs. You cannot do this for her. Take care~ J Edited January 8, 2011 by JM_in_CA
Author lostanddazed Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 Ok, I took the advice of colorless and wrote her an email.. this was it Well, My DM came in today. Sat me down in the office, I was ****ting bricks thought I was getting fired lol. He told me he needs me in another store, and I will be compensated with a raise. So damn, now my new boss is Omar lol, and I got a raise. My life just got that much easier. I start over there on Tuesday, the number to that store is . Then press 3 to connect to the store. OOOO and they cancled my interview in vegas, they hired someone from within!!! freaking *******s!! lol. I still think im going to go down there for some R&R tho. Anyway my little scam artist. Im glad to hear you leaving DnB soon. After reading your last email, I went to the gym, and thought about things for a little bit. Sat in the sauna and relaxed.. by myself.. for some me time. Something you said in your last email really made me want to evaluate things. "I want you to know that I constantly think of you. I'm starting to question more the reasons I didn't want to be with you... This whole situation seems to have really changed you. For the better. Im dying for a change" "I don't know if I've ever felt this lost before in my life." "You're right, I have been focusing on the negative of our relationship... But it's because I feel I pushed so hard to make it work and it just didn't. I know, to make things perfect, you gotta work at them. But I did... Whatever, I will no longer dwell on the past. No use in crying over spilt milk.." So I asked myself a couple of questions.. such as... Picture your life 30 years down the road.. can you picture it without you? The answer was I can't. I started thinking, maybe all that happened was a good thing, because if we could overcome something as hard as this.. we can make it through anything. Then I started thinking of how stupid the last 2 months have been, it's amazing how out of hand all this got, it's amazing what can happen when emotion takes over.Then I remembered you saying "Whatever, I will no longer dwell on the past. No use in crying over spilt milk.." and you are exactly right. Then I started thinking of all the dumb things I did when you asked for space lol. I diddnt respect your wishes.. and the more you chase a horse.. the farther it will run..(not that your a horse lol) Whatever happened with us on our break is exactly that.. things that happened when we were not together. No rhyme or reason to worry, think, or even talk about those things. So , I figured this.. There is only one way I want you in my life... So.. I am willing to forgive and forget the past..to give us what we really both deserve.. one last, and best shot. I do suggest however this is something you should think about yourself. Take a "you day" no outside influence.. just sit and think.. what does "you" want. If it's not me, then thats cool, I lost you before and I pretty sure I can do it again. Remember in the end.. it's just you..and feelings you deal with.. their yours.. no one elses. The things you desire.. are your desires..and the success you want to acheive.. is your success. no one elses. You have to do things that will make YOU happy, because at the end of the night, your thoughts are your own, and no one but you can control it. Like I said.. your a smart girl..im confident that you will do the right thing, and make the right decision.. even if it's not to be with me. I would like you to let me know either way, lol. Or at least let me know you got and read this. So I sent that early this morning... and I still havnt heard anything from her..not sure if thats a good sign or bad.. I hope I made the right decision.. I feel like blowing her phone up so badly right now lol...**** I wish there was a magic pill that just made you forget things. So any input guys? think i made the right move? and I should be in NC from here on out correct?
suddendumpee Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Sorry, but I have to be brutally honest. I think you messed up majorly. The email wreaks of insecurity. Asking her to tell you either way, and to tell you that she received it. Like you would go insane not knowing if she read it. It's too wordy, too much quoting, like you're trying to corner her with her own words. Too much pressure. I would be surprised if you get a positive response. If she wanted you back, she would have made it clear vs. beating around the bush. You just caved in to her test to see if she still had you on the leash. You should have just said "Thanks for the e-mail. Let's meet up sometime for coffee. Would love to see you and catch up in person!" Then when you met, NO mention of the past. I think for second chances to work, it has to be like the past never existed. Like its the first date. I hope you prove me wrong. Good luck.
Author lostanddazed Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 So I just gotten off the phone with a mutual friend... she told me my ex and thisguy have been dating since a week before new years.. I'm in shock but not really, she was still having relations with me the whole time telling me she missed me and loved me. Why the **** do women do this... Naturally I sent her an email like this.. mainly because i know i would nevwr want this girl back Dating someone else.. I understand..the way you handled it... f ck you. Did u think you could keep me as a backup plan? Lol... I'm dead to you.. i would have had so much more respect for you if i heard it from your lips instead of another woman's.. please delete all my photos off Facebook i don't want anyone to know i was ever with a piece of scum like you.. i ****ing hate you.. drop dead And now i will be in complete NC lol.
suddendumpee Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 Wow. Since you've already sacrificed 99% of your dignity, have you considered forwarding her texts to her new man? You don't really need that last 1% at this point. lol.
Author lostanddazed Posted January 9, 2011 Author Posted January 9, 2011 I thought about it.. but she would deny everything and say I wrote it myself and he would believe her cause us men are idiots and ignorant. Besides that would be the easy way out. He will find out soon enough what kind of girl he is with. No reason to give him a heads up.
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