littlemoma Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Well where to begin my ex and I were together for 7 years we lived together and just like with any relationship had our ups and downs but we both knew that we loved each other and didn't want to be away from each other until one day after he had ran my cell phone bill up we got into a arguement because I had been pulling almost all the load as far as bills were concerned. Meanwhile his sister had been trying to get him to move with her she promised him the moon so he just thought if he moved with her that everything was gonna be great for him. Let me add some things here though I have a son that adored him and we were a mixed relationship which in turn his siter did not care for. Now I fought my whole family to be with this man because I love him so much. So after our big fight he calls me from the airport his sister had sent him a plane ticket which we were both crying he said he needed to go get hisself together that me taking care of him made him feel like less of a man and he wanted to be able to take care of me and to give him a couple of months. So time went on and I hurt so bad some days it was hard to even get up and go to work because I was so sad till one day I thought I have to pull myself together and get out of the house well after about 4 months i decided to date now still having contact with him the whole time with him promising to come back and still no show yet. I dated 2 different guys in that year but neither of them could get my mind off of him and his promises. So after a year he comes back and proceeds to ask me about the guys I dated I was honest because I knew he had dated a girl where he was also. He gets very upset with me saying that he can't believe I dated one of the guys because he was a player blah blah which might I add he doesn't even know this other guy. Many more months go by with us fussing over what he did and what I did and we would meet up on several occasions and would get along fine as long as we were in person because even when he moved back he was still 2 hours away. Sometime around Halloween he calls and wants to hang out and I was mad because he was so shaddy the days before so I was like na he kept saying he really needed to talk to me so I would say talk and he would have nothing to say. Well one day I am looking at facebook and he had sent me a message telling me that he loved me and from there I seen that he had changed his profile picture of a couple so I click on the picture and since I am not his friend on there but we do have a mutual friend it let me look at his pictures. I seen a baby and prayed that maybe he had lied and was just seeing a girl with an child but no it was his son about 2 months old. I call him from this point and start crying sayin how could you not tell me about this we were just together the weekend before he tells me that he had been trying to tell me and that it was a mistake that while he was in chicago he had gotten this girl pregnant and that he didn't believe it was his at first. So after several more days of crying I come to realize that I couldn't really be mad he and I were not together and although I didn't put myself in a position for that to happen he did. Well they get into a fight he runs to my house telling me how sorry he is and how he is gonna be there for his son which I do not blame him but the problem is that I told him I understand that you have all this going on but we are going to spend new years together or I am done with all of this I just started feeling like the other women and it hurt worse than ever. Well the last conversation we had was last monday and it was fine he was coming to see me she had went to visit her family and left the baby with him and she was gone for 2 weeks for the holidays well his son got sick and he had to go get him from daycare he called a couple of other times that night wanting me to meet him which I said no if you want to see me come here and I have heard nothing else from him. Which is out of character for him because we have never went a week without contact and he is always calling or texting like crazy. Now I will add that he has wanted a baby for a long time now I was pregnant by him twice which one time was after we had been together for only a couple of months and I had a miscarriage and the other was after several years and I had a tubal pregnancy so before he left we were trying to have another one and were having test run at the doctor. I feel like he knows how bad I want another child and I fell that it is being rub in my face that he has the family I wanted with him and when I say that to him he says I do not feel anything for her we both know it was a mistake I just don't want her to take my son 700 miles away so I am trying to help her get on her feet here so she will stay with him we are not staying together or anything like that. He and his Mom are close and she didn't even know about the baby until about a week before I did. I know I am rambling but I am just so hurt and don't understand the no contact he could have atleast said something and his phone has been shut off for over a week now. The last text he sent me was we are soul mates and will be getting married soon. Edited January 4, 2011 by littlemoma misspelled words
creighton0123 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 You have every reason to feel lost and confused. After reading this word for word, I will tell you this: The man you love, while attempting to "go away to find himself", lost himself completely. He reads as though he is very selfish, emotionally immature, and lacking in all forms of sophistication. Still, he has a son and is trying to do right by him as a father - that's worthy of respect. In the end, you have to ask yourself two questions: 1. As a mother, if he was just a friend of yours would you be comfortable with him playing a major role in your child's life? 2. As a woman, do you feel he is capable of an emotional relationship where the two of you are equals? He is providing you with soooo many red flags. Given how hard you work, it seems like it's not fair to you to be with a man who has spent so much time thinking about himself and so little time thinking about you. I mean... he practically told you that you two would be married. Did he ever ask you how you feel? Has he ever asked you how you feel? If it means anything, I believe you would be better off without him. You deserve someone much more stable for both you and your child.
Author littlemoma Posted January 19, 2011 Author Posted January 19, 2011 Thank you so much for you advice it was very good advice I just have to pull myself together and focus on me I know buit I find it so hard sometimes I do love this man more than words could say but I just can't cry over this situation anymore nor can I be at his beck and call and thus far I have been I actually went and met him over a week ago and we had a good time joking and laughing but when it came time to talk he didn't want to he said he is taking it day by day which I understand. I think he got hiself in a situation and now I am just stuck in the triangle he keeps telling me that he never ment for any of this to happen that he and I are supposed to be married blah blah but then after I left I didn't hear from him for a week so it really hurt my feelings and the toll that all this has taken on me and my stress level is crazy I have put on weight and which is driving me crazy so yes I am working out to get that off I just feel like my self esteem has dropped like crazy. I am currently in Nursing school so I am just trying to stay focussed. Thank you again for your advice it was very helpful, one thing I can't help but wonder is does he treat her better than me? and I guess I will never know the answer to that I know it is terrible to not wish nothing but the best for him and his situation but I find it so hard to do.You have every reason to feel lost and confused. After reading this word for word, I will tell you this: The man you love, while attempting to "go away to find himself", lost himself completely. He reads as though he is very selfish, emotionally immature, and lacking in all forms of sophistication. Still, he has a son and is trying to do right by him as a father - that's worthy of respect. In the end, you have to ask yourself two questions: 1. As a mother, if he was just a friend of yours would you be comfortable with him playing a major role in your child's life? 2. As a woman, do you feel he is capable of an emotional relationship where the two of you are equals? He is providing you with soooo many red flags. Given how hard you work, it seems like it's not fair to you to be with a man who has spent so much time thinking about himself and so little time thinking about you. I mean... he practically told you that you two would be married. Did he ever ask you how you feel? Has he ever asked you how you feel? If it means anything, I believe you would be better off without him. You deserve someone much more stable for both you and your child.
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