RocketSkates Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I hope I have put this in the right place, apologises if I haven't! My ex and I dated for a few months. We really liked each other but he went through a hard time with his ex and wasn't exactly ready for another relationship. Still, we decided to take it slowly and see how it went. Long story short, he felt like I was pushing it too quickly and he bailed. I had honestly tried my best not to. When it came to the break up conversation, I just accepted it for what it was and didn't ask many questions. He wanted to stay friends but I was still too hurt (liked him for over a year before we dated so I had plenty of time to develop strong feelings for him) and said I'd contact him when I felt better. He gave me my space and after a month I felt a lot better and just before Christmas I sent him a message to see how he was. We chatted casually and I felt confident about being able to stay friends. However soon enough, arguments about the smallest things started to creep up and before it got too out of hand he asked me to call him and we'd talk properly, rather than over email. I called and we just realised we hadn't properly talked things through to gain any sort of closure. I still have a lot of things to ask. We went over some stuff briefly and his answers seem to leave things...open? I'm not sure how to explain it. I told him I wasn't trying to push the relationship forward and he acknowledged it and apologised for thinking that I had- which was the thing that lend to him breaking up with me. He then asked if I wanted to meet up for a coffee and chat face to face because he'd rather do it that way and I said it was fine, arranged a time and place (this coming Saturday). He then asked me how my Christmas and New Years was, what I'd been up to etc. Just a nice conversation. He mentioned how he misses how well we used to get along and hopes a good proper talk will sort it all out. To end the conversation I said I'd text him through the week to make sure Saturday was still okay and he said no problem, but you can call me if you want, any time. The next day he sent me a message just to say hi and mentioned again how he really wants to sort things out and be friends and how he doesn't want us to end up hating each other. I just replied saying pretty much that I wanted the same thing, and he replied to say more or less the same thing. Then his internet cut out during our conversation and he text me to say so, and again mentioned about how he really wants to say friends. Again I said I wanted the same and said "Sure Ill text you later in the week and see Saturday is still on"...he still texted back some idle chit chat. I told a friend about how insistant he seems to be about being friends and as a guy he thinks I should be sort of wary and keep my guard up. He thinks he's trying too hard to keep things okay between us and being just friends might not be his intention. Personally I think he's just trying to reinforce it so I don't get the wrong impression about why he wants to meet me. I've been okay about meeting with him all along but I'm starting to feel nervous about it now. I'm not going to meet him expecting to get back with him, hes made it pretty clear he doesn't want a relationship for now. Being his friend is something I definitely hope will work out because he's a great guy. I just don't know now if I'm as ready to meet him as I thought, but at the same time I just want to get it out of the way. He's like me and would rather have the first time we bump into each other be away from other people and not in a bar etc because he doesn't want it to end in an arugment. What do you think his intentions are? I was so sure it'd be a friends only thing but my friends don't think so.
this_is_mpr Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Hi Rocket. I can relate with how you're feeling because I recently went through a similar thing. A girl I was seeing ended things off because they were moving to fast. After about a month, during which I did not contact her at all, I received a message saying she wanted to meet and catch up. I didn't know what she meant, but I wanted to make sure that we didn't just end up as friends. When we met up, I dropped hints about re-establishing a romantic relationship and she was receptive. Now we're back together. So it can possibly work. What's good is that you're ok being friends. For me, it would've been torture. If you're curious about his intentions, perhaps initiate flirtatious touching or joking and gauge his response. It won't mess up your friendship and I bet he expects you to test the waters. Maybe it's something he's waiting for. Good Luck!
2sunny Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 if you hang on to him - and hope of being with him - you won't be emotionally available to find someone else... he knows that - it's best to shut the whole thing down and become available to a man that finds you as his priority.
applestar Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 oh wow. this sounds extremely similar to what ive been going through. my ex did the same too, except he didnt outright say that it was because we were moving too fast - i kind of just figured that that was a reason bc he said he didn't know to what extent and how he liked me, hence why we are on this "break" or break up. my ex said the same thing too - we were best friends before we dated, so we both want our relationship to be a good one so as not to lose that. he wanted to still meet up and hang out and talk, and if one day his feelings came back and developed again, we could give it another go. so right now we're just doing just what he and i wanted. hanging out taking things slow. i honestly dont know what the future outcomew ill be to these types of things, as i am going through it myself, but all i can say is that it can probably and most likely be a 'lets jsut be friends' thing, but if things go well over time.. maybe he might want to give it another try just like my ex theorized. but i dont know how you'll feel by then, and so thats probably when you have to answer the question yourself. i can't say i think everything i wrote is right, since i dont have prior experience to this type of thing and am going through one myself, but this is just how i feel and just my opinion.
Author RocketSkates Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Thanks for your reply guys. The closer and closer it gets to meeting him, the more nervous I'm getting. I don't know if I'm ready to face him, but I've pulled out of meeting him before. If we want to stay friends, I can't mess him about and pull out again. Argh, I don't know what to do...
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