LifeIsGreat Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 ...... there are always 2 sides to a relaionship story. I've been on here for less than a month, and have seen some great posts. At the same time, I'm reminded of a couple situations in my past where forums like this have been/could have been a problem. My ex wife of several years ago used to frequent sites like this all the time. As we were splitting up I actually had an chance to see some of her posts on my computer. She was a woman with emotional issues (diagnosed medically and medicated, although she had stopped taking her meds) who could be irrational. Some of the things she said about me were simply untrue. She was getting advice all over the place to dump me (including her workmates). Yes, we had issues but I know for a fact they could have been worked out. At first I was upset, but as I healed from our b/u I realized I didn't want a woman who could be so easily swayed by others who didn't even know our situation. Me ex gf isn't into these types of forums, and doesn't really talk to others about r/l issues (and doens't have many friends anyway), but I want to give an example of how this would have gone down if she were here asking for advice.... She would have said her bf of 2 years wants to see other women. Now, we all know what kind of advice she would have gotten here But here are the facts. In March something happened where I was out of communication for about 36 hours. No phone, internet, nothing (it was beyond my control and completely unexpected). The minute I was available, I called my gf to check in. When I got home there was an email waiting for me that she had sent several hours before I spoke to her. She was very angry and accused me of being with another woman (no basis for the accusation, and she had made them before when she couldn't reach me). I was very upset by her accusation and her lack of concern of my well being considering what I had just gone through for the last 36 hours. I woldn't say we fought, but I made my displeasure known. She never apologized for the misunderstanding. Instead, she shows up at my house one evening after she had been drinking. I'm still upset over her stupid accusation. She blurts out 'do you want to see other women'? I respond, 'well, I hadn't really thought about it and definitely don't have anyone in mind, but now that you mention it maybe that's a good idea'. Now, don't get me wrong. That probably wasn't the proper repsonse and I take full responsibility for that:sick:. I was very upset. But, that upset her very much and she wound up breaking up with me over it (we did get back together, but bu again in Aug). We got back together because (once again) I apologized, but she NEVER took responsibility for her actions that led up to the whole thing. So you see. Not everything is cut and dried. If she simply posed 'my LTR bf wants to see other women'-- it would not be the whole story. What say you?
AC06 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I'm sure there's ALOT of that going on around here. I know alot of people who will look for advice from their friends or whoever who will not give the story the way it is, but how they want to. The fact of the matter is that people like that are going to get advice based off what they say, and whether true or not, that's the advice they're looking for, because they've skewed it for that purpose. I've just been in a moderately long-distance relationship where I'm sure the fact that I wasn't there most of the time was portrayed as "he's weird" OR "doesn't want to be", when in actual fact neither are anywhere near the truth. It sucks, probably played a big part in the advice my ex got and probably was a big part that lead to the breakup, but there was nothing I could do. Alot of people just skew things to get the answers they want.
Author LifeIsGreat Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 It seems the first piece of advice should be to communicate with the s.o. (barring any extreme issues such as abuse).
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