Blue.Streak Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Well, yes. Yesterday I received a text from my girlfriend saying that she didn't have feelings for me anymore, and that she only wants us to be friends. Ouch, I thought. To begin with, I though she may have just been joking... she wasn't. Then I realized this may just be a bad dream and that I would soon wake up... it wasn't a dream. Eventually, it sank in and my heart just stopped. Nice way to start the New Year, eh? We'd only been going out for a month, and she was my first girlfriend in 29 years (bare in mind, I'm 29 years old) so in actual fact, she has been my only girlfriend. And, although I love her to death, I believe it was my fault this happened. Whenever we were out (usually with a bunch of our friends) I would often look so gloomy and miserable, with my head in my hands, even though I wasn't miserable and I have a feeling this just rubbed off on to her as well. I would never go up with her and the others to dance (I have a problem with getting up in front of large crowds) so she'd end up dancing with someone else. She even asked me to go up and dance, and I just said 'You can if you want to'. Who says that? I may as well have just No. I think that was the end of it all right there, I must have made her feel so bad and rejected, it's no wonder she felt uncomfortable around me. So she went up alone, and I just stayed behind again. Sometimes I'd barely say two words to her all night. Saying that, I'd barely say two words to ANYONE all night. But we'd text each other nearly all-day every-day. Everything seemed like is was going so well till I received that last text. It felt like the worst thing in the world. I felt so depressed and so lonely. My stomach started to hurt and I lost my appetite, I didn't sleep as all I could think about was her, and how I could've (and should've) done things right. I wanted to cry, but I was so unhappy, I just couldn't. I can't even remember the last time I complimented her. On several occasions, she would dress up real nice, usually for me, and I never really said anything to her; about how sexy she looks, how beautiful she is. Not once. Although this is my first breakup, I never thought that it would feel like this. We even started talking about moving together and having kids. I though this would last forever, but was I wrong. I asked her if there was a small chance of us being together again, and she said we'll have to wait and see. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not even sure if I can bare to see her again as just friends. I don't know how she'd feel, but it would just eat me up inside. As I've said, I've only myself to blame for this, but it looks like it may be over. I don't suppose anyone has any ideas how to win her back? Edited January 4, 2011 by Blue.Streak
january2010 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I'm sorry for your pain. As you may have read elsewhere in the forum, the breakup of first relationships are particularly difficult to come to terms with. You've only been going out a month but it seems that you've fallen very deeply already and have invested heavily into this relationship. Since the breakup happened just yesterday, you're bound to be feeling very raw and in shock. Right now, she's made it clear that she doesn't want to be with you. If you chase her, it's going to push her further away. The best strategy to get your head and heart clear is to go NC. Then you will be in a better position to handle things whether she comes back or not. Focus on those things that you know you can work on that you've mentioned in your post.
Chi townD Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Okay, lessons learned. At least you're man enough to notice what you did wrong in the relationship. You need to take this information and turn it into a positive. It sounds like you have some self esteem issues. I would recommend seeking IC to work through those issues.
Good Arms Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 I haven't got time to post much right now, but I really feel for you. You're not alone feeling like this. I recently went through my own first breakup at a similar age (31). See my sig for the thread. I know I have self-esteem issues which ultimately led to the break-up and our incompatibility I think. I think we were just too different, she's confident, outgoing and impulsive, and I'm quiet and tend to overthink everything... I think sometimes my shyness/lack of confidence in taking the lead came across as disinterest or laziness. Hang in there.
Author Blue.Streak Posted January 14, 2011 Author Posted January 14, 2011 Thanks for the replies, guys. Although I do still think about her every day, I think I'm slowly getting over it. And to you Good Arms. I know what you mean. I appear to be the same as you. My girlfriend was always the more outgoing, more social and confident where ever we went. I was always shy and quiet, and tend to just sort of hide in the corner away from everybody else. I'm always amazed how people can do things so easily without thinking about it, when people like us... well, can't. And don't worry, I'm hanging in there. I'll try not to fall.
Author Blue.Streak Posted January 15, 2011 Author Posted January 15, 2011 Hi peoples. Just adding an update. After about 2 weeks of NC, I decided to see her once more just to talk. I had started to get over everything when she dropped a few bombshells on me. First being that, since we started going out, she never had any feelings for me, or cared about me in anyway. This was quite hurtful. Then she said that she also already had a crush on someone, which started years ago. I thought I would be OK with this, until I heard who she had a crush on - my best friend. Yes, whenever we were together, she had always wanted it to be my friend instead. Now this hurt more than anything I've ever felt before. My heart just stopped and my stomach sank, and I just felt sick. I wouldn't have minded if it was with someone I didn't know, but it was my best mate, the person who introduced us to each other! I just wish she had mentioned this before we met, so we could have avoided this whole thing. I just feel so lost and depressed more than before. He's now gone off to the club with her, saying she can't wait and how she wants it to be just him and her on the dance floor, as if I'm now completely out of her memory and couldn't give a toss. I just don't know what to or say or anything.
damian Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 She's a ****ing bitch, all the more easier to forget.
Hhhh Posted January 15, 2011 Posted January 15, 2011 She's a ****ing bitch, all the more easier to forget. lolll she a bitch for starting the relationship and getting you hooked, you should warn your friend or ex friend that she is a heartless bitch
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