bzoe Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Hey everyone.. I'm 24, hes 25.. after a year of a heavy duty relationship where my ex lived with me,everything seemed wonderful, he vanishes. I haven't seen him since august, he's been with another girl since..turns out he cheated with her and now their together. I found out on fb the one time i logged on in a year early Dec. I haven't seen him, heard his voice. Before I got sporadic texts one or two every few days. some asking me to wait. some blaming me for random things that he *never* talked about, that I've even asked about bc I worked so hard at being a treasure and treat him well in every way imaginable. It was always a guessing game bc he refused to communicate needs or opinions, could never focus on a topic when an argument came up frequently overiding it with some secret issue out of left field from months back. And of course, I'd have to deal if I ever hoped to get a solution for whatever issue I brought up was. I worked on being patient, not critical.. anyway that eventually changed to some extremely cruel comments. I mean - never in my life have i been spoken to like that. he blamed me for his cheating. his reason was he called me once since he left and i didnt pick up. I never got that call..but anyway thats why he was with another girl who looks like me..pursuin the same career I am. He always acted like he was so happy and over the moon in love so when a fb comment along the lines of "why would you do this to me" ends up in him finally getting back to me just to threaten my life (twice!!!) and he wont tolerate me hurting someone he cares about (???) or him calling me a threat, saying stop hoping.. that im a stalker - when I don't even know where he lives, who hes with, what he's doing.. I literally am in another world an 1.5 hrs away. its just so frustrating bc i know for a fact that I did nothing to deserve this. I went above and beyond to be a loving thoughtful girlfriend. Still physically attractive.. still me .. still fun. I give plenty of space, pursuing my own career.. giving all the affection he asked/wanted and then some. Walking on eggshells I even feel I "blew it" (at a chance for finally getting some kind of apology and explanation) bc I sent a goodbye letter new years eve worst of all, over the past few months he'd allude to being wrong ie one IM saying "I shouldnt have left you like that like a dog" or "youre a good woman" but he's the type to be wrong and quiet and suffer in silence rather come say I'm sorry out of fear of rejection. But why be so cruel and heartless when I'm literally saying "you are hurting me SO badly- I don't understand what happened??" etc etc. Every variation of that in frustration since on any given day I might get a reply. I stopped contacting him mostly..broke that during the holidays. But he's made no effort. And he was the one who was so big on us being in love, moving in together..and wanting to be the man to marry me- we were so very close. making promises I never asked him to make, working so hard to get my trust even when he broke it a few times and I wanted out..and he'd make me feel horrible for thinking it was a red flag ;how if i loved him i'd trust him with a chance to grow and do whats right just to destroy it all and callously tell me "you'll know better next time". does that mean he just .. never loved me? how does anyone treat someone they ever loved that way? this has truly been the random, hurtful..craziest thing I've ever had happened to me. and I *promise* you, I've been through some stuff that has aged me way before my time. Hanging in there the whole way through has cost be so dearly..and its humiliating and degrading. I gave you guys just the bullet points -the details are way too ugly. Just. Why does it need to be so messed up if its truly "not me"? Edited January 4, 2011 by bzoe
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Your EX is fustrated... and becoming increasing mean because you are pestering him. You can not / do not want to accept that you were cheated on and dumped. The relationship and friendship is over. He is either going to ignore you altogether or continue to get meaner and meaner as long as you continue to contact him asking for him to restate what he already has made perfectly clear. Which is, he cheated on you, he does not want to date you, be in a relationship with you or be your friend. Goodbye / Him Cheating, says it all! There is nothing else that needs to be said... Before you say or do anything else... I suggest you spend a lot of time reading through the forums (breaking up, second chances and coping). If you have any self-respect and dignity... you will stop what you are doing at once. Edited January 4, 2011 by homebrew
Author bzoe Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 I see what you're saying but I have stopped contacting him that fb comment was the 1st thing I said to him in over a month the month before that we exchanged a few texts the month before that I tried to contact a whole lot more and he'd string along replies asking me to wait or how he was sick or whatever every few days either way "goodbye says it all" doesnt seem fair this person worked hard to get me to let him into my life he moved into my home, used my car whenever he wanted didn't contribute to those expenses..demanded so much of my attention and time my career as a person whose business depends on output and reputation suffered for this even my friendships suffered greatly bc of this great need for all my time attention for his every need emotional physical and otherwise for him, this was how i was to prove that I wouldnt let him down, that i loved him etc i just don't see how thats normal to do that for a year, suddenly vanish, and become some kind of monster when dealing with other peoples lives and hearts - especially something that intense.. how is wanting an explanation wrong?
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I understand you are upset, confused and have a lot of questions that you would like answered. For whatever reason, he does not want to "explain" anything to you. The fact that he cheated and left you for the other women... To me, says everything. He does not want to date you, be in a relationship with you or want to be your friend. He has moved on and you should too. All you are going to do is upset him further at this point. He is either going to ignore you or continue to hurt you... only he will get meaner and meaner.
Author bzoe Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 alright thx homebrew- ill continue NC
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 alright thx homebrew- ill continue NC You are welcome... Do yourself a favor... Click on my name, click statistics and click threads created by me. I suggest you read through them. It will provide you with some answers and help you move on.
Author bzoe Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 and just when I swallow the fact that he'll stay away for those reasons, I come to a computer with kind IMs from him. Like nothing happened but since my reaction is my hands literally trembling.. and after reading all these posts, including yours homebrew (thank you for the links) Im gunna go do my P90X workout. the magnitude of mindf*** is too much for me right now UGH!
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I am very sorry about your break up! I promise, in time... you will get better!
Recommended Posts