mmiller5373 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Just a thought. My ex broke up with my via a text message. We dated for 2.5 years, though the last 4 months of our relationship were long distance. I tried calling, she wouldn't respond. Had to threaten her with a, I'm not going to stop calling until you pick up text. We talked, she said she wanted to remain friends, even said it could work in the future. Though, from that point on, I only received 3 TOTAL replies to texts, calls, e-mails, and any other form of contact. What do you think causes it? Guilt? Selfishness? Pain? All of the above?
PegNosePete Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 The more pertinent question is, why do you want it? She broke up with you via a text message. You need to NC her and move on.
bzoe Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I don't have much to offer seeing that I'm in the same boat. I was so bewildered with it happening that seeing that you and other people go through this is my eureka moment like "wait..so people REALLY do this to people they say they love?!" My best guess is the guilt that comes with listening to someone they hurt.. the discomfort.. not wanting to rain on their parade for whatever their doing I dont know.. this is my guess but .. no matter why I'm really sorry it happened to you bc seriously.. that sucks
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 The more pertinent question is, why do you want it? She broke up with you via a text message. You need to NC her and move on. I have already been NC and am trying to move on. This was just a question.
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) How come dumpers don't want to deal with it? What do you think causes it? Guilt? Selfishness? Pain? All of the above? Goodbye, says it all! There is nothing else that needs to be said... Edited January 4, 2011 by homebrew
AC06 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 In this situation, weakness. I got dumped in a text message, and after the reconciliation fell apart I got it again, and when I finally got to speak on the phone, I was made to feel worthless and like she honestly did not care at all about me in any way. Which, naturally, means one of two things. Either she's completely and utterly heartless and THE DEVIL, or she's too weak to address the situation. I'd go weakness.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 too weak to own up to their role in the failure of the relationship. Much easier to just move on and act like its all your fault.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 In this situation, weakness. I got dumped in a text message, and after the reconciliation fell apart I got it again, and when I finally got to speak on the phone, I was made to feel worthless and like she honestly did not care at all about me in any way. Which, naturally, means one of two things. Either she's completely and utterly heartless and THE DEVIL, or she's too weak to address the situation. I'd go weakness. I guess. I clearly remember a week after the breakup. I had called her a bunch of times with no response all week. Finally, I sent a load of texts telling her that if she didn't talk with me, I wouldn't stop. Her reply was: "I don't want to. Don't you understand? I wish you could understand what I'm going through."
soleharmony1123 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Aco6 is exactly right. Weakness is a factor, along with their selfishness & immaturity. I hope that answers your question, mmiller5373. I think you're simply looking for some type of explanation/answer so you can put all this in proper perspective and begin to move on. Well, Aco6's response should help. I think a text message breakup is really cruddy & tasteless - not to mention how cruel it is. Just remember what goes around always must come around. My ex was a coward as well - he called me on the phone to break up with me - but that's another entire twisted story. Sweet dream? or a beautiful nightmare? In this situation, weakness. I got dumped in a text message, and after the reconciliation fell apart I got it again, and when I finally got to speak on the phone, I was made to feel worthless and like she honestly did not care at all about me in any way. Which, naturally, means one of two things. Either she's completely and utterly heartless and THE DEVIL, or she's too weak to address the situation. I'd go weakness.
makelemonade1974 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I do think it's weakness. People who break up this way without explanation (and yes, there should be an explanation) are utter cowards. I think had you stayed with her, you would have found her spineless in most things. I think also, just from being the dumper in the past, the relationship has already died for them long before that moment, and the only thing they are thinking about is finally getting rid of you - as harsh as that sounds. What's mystifying to me is how dumpers can be romantic and loving up until the very end, and then kaboom - they drop the bomb and never want to talk to you again. It's hard for me to relate, because when I was the dumper, not only had the relationship become hateful and sexless, I knew we would talk again because we have children together. It's the deceit and this attempt to make the other person completely disappear from your existence that baffles me.
Jen1981 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 I do think it's weakness. People who break up this way without explanation (and yes, there should be an explanation) are utter cowards. I think had you stayed with her, you would have found her spineless in most things. I think also, just from being the dumper in the past, the relationship has already died for them long before that moment, and the only thing they are thinking about is finally getting rid of you - as harsh as that sounds. What's mystifying to me is how dumpers can be romantic and loving up until the very end, and then kaboom - they drop the bomb and never want to talk to you again. It's hard for me to relate, because when I was the dumper, not only had the relationship become hateful and sexless, I knew we would talk again because we have children together. It's the deceit and this attempt to make the other person completely disappear from your existence that baffles me. I agree! It's weakness.....My boyfriend of 10 years broke it off in a very cold e-mail and the disappeared for a long time. But then again this is how he handled a lot of things. When faced with a difficult situation at work he would simply let it fizzle out instead of telling the employer that he didn't want to continue working for him.
nineyearsgone79 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I agree too it is a flaw of weakness in their character. I was dumped via an extremely cold email as well after 9 years with no explanation. He then just disappeared. With jobs he'd get to the point where he couldn't stand them and then just one day today was the day to walk out. I guess it was just an echo of how he confronts lifes difficult challenges.. or doesn't confront them that is. I just wish he hadn't dragged me into it. It wasn't the breaking up that physically tore me apart for a long time...but how he did it so coldly. For a long time i blamed myself. Reading such similar stories on here reminds me that I am not alone.. and to avoid dating these personality types in the future!!
Jen1981 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I just wish he hadn't dragged me into it. It wasn't the breaking up that physically tore me apart for a long time...but how he did it so coldly. For a long time i blamed myself. Reading such similar stories on here reminds me that I am not alone.. and to avoid dating these personality types in the future!! It was the same for me. Breaking up was upsetting yes but it was the way he so coldly ran away that got me. I've been diagnosed with a post-traumatic depression and things are just very very bad. Still can't understand how this could happen.
bzoe Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Reading such similar stories on here reminds me that I am not alone.. and to avoid dating these personality types in the future!! in a way a part of me suspects I might miss out on some good people but it is no exaggeration caused by a temporary emotional moment when I say.. i see these signs..these types? I am. OUT. of there. I can't take it. I saw the behavior in other parts of his life and I foolishly thought nahhh he couldn't do it to me too. -_- .. yeah.. never again. Fleeing for my sanity. It was the same for me. Breaking up was upsetting yes but it was the way he so coldly ran away that got me. I've been diagnosed with a post-traumatic depression and things are just very very bad. Still can't understand how this could happen. Jen, I'm really sorry about that. I actually was diagnosed with this as well. It ties on some trauma from my past that was badly 'triggered' by this. And there is a resentment I feel that comes from having to go get help when I was .. ok. right now, my peace comes from what I said above. Running the hell away from romantic anything with these type of people. idc how that sounds either. I'm really sorry for your pain (( hugs ))
SimonSerenade Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 My ex dumped me over the phone, No rhyme or reason to it, All brought about over a stupid argument over nothing, I can only assume that was her tactic to finally rid herself of me once and for all, I tried desperately to get her back but seemed like she was long gone and the love we once cherished felt like it had never been there for her, That's the part that hurt me most, How 3 years and a child together came off like it meant nothing to her. I've been no contact for quite some time now but when I have had to talk to her about my son, she always came across to have fully moved on without a thought or a care, Almost like she's rubbing her happiness in my face, Surely if she wanted us to get along in the future she'd have handled this better and at least finished the relationship face to face with some words of meaning but in the end I got nothing and I doubt I'll ever get anything in the future. Can anybody shed any light on this? At the moment she gives the devil himself a run for his money.
Author mmiller5373 Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 My ex dumped me over the phone, No rhyme or reason to it, All brought about over a stupid argument over nothing, I can only assume that was her tactic to finally rid herself of me once and for all, I tried desperately to get her back but seemed like she was long gone and the love we once cherished felt like it had never been there for her, That's the part that hurt me most, How 3 years and a child together came off like it meant nothing to her. I've been no contact for quite some time now but when I have had to talk to her about my son, she always came across to have fully moved on without a thought or a care, Almost like she's rubbing her happiness in my face, Surely if she wanted us to get along in the future she'd have handled this better and at least finished the relationship face to face with some words of meaning but in the end I got nothing and I doubt I'll ever get anything in the future. Can anybody shed any light on this? At the moment she gives the devil himself a run for his money. I don't know what it is that makes them pull a 180 on us. I was unemployed, pennyless, friendless, and had just moved back in with my mom a few months before my ex sent the text. I was already down and she seemed to not give a rat's a** that I was going through a tough time. Maybe it's their friends. When women go through breakups, their support from their girlfriends usually pushes them away from us even more. "You deserve better than him anyways." As for us men, our friends tend to keep their mouths shut. My ex sent several text messages to me within the first few weeks of the breakup, basically saying, "I'm sad about all of this. I wish you understood what I'm going through. It's tough to end something that lasted so long. Just because I don't respond to your messages doesn't mean that I don't care. You'll always be a part of my heart and I could never hate you. Things just never got right between us and this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but someday you'll thank me for it." Maybe some dumper on this board can give us their thoughts on why they just don't seem to care.
SDA Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I don't know what it is that makes them pull a 180 on us. I was unemployed, pennyless, friendless, and had just moved back in with my mom a few months before my ex sent the text. I was already down and she seemed to not give a rat's a** that I was going through a tough time. Maybe it's their friends. When women go through breakups, their support from their girlfriends usually pushes them away from us even more. "You deserve better than him anyways." As for us men, our friends tend to keep their mouths shut. My ex sent several text messages to me within the first few weeks of the breakup, basically saying, "I'm sad about all of this. I wish you understood what I'm going through. It's tough to end something that lasted so long. Just because I don't respond to your messages doesn't mean that I don't care. You'll always be a part of my heart and I could never hate you. Things just never got right between us and this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make, but someday you'll thank me for it." Maybe some dumper on this board can give us their thoughts on why they just don't seem to care. my ex said those same things and I do believe her friends had something to do with it. Although she sent those texts saying that she "misses me so much" and wants to "be with me" I told her that needs to stop and she needs to come up with a decision or else I can't be a part of her life. I think it's just a way of saying, "hey, I don't love you anymore and probably won't ever will. Don't be mad at me and when you get over me you'll understand"
SimonSerenade Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Yeah I do truly believe her friends had a lot of say in her decision like they always have, I think its fair to say i dislike them with great intensity lol hate being such a strong word and all >.> They always got involved, She was at her mothers for the remaining year and 3 quaters of the relationship as she'd moved out on me after our child was born, Said she was in need of her mothers help and all that, Her mother was another one who couldn't bare to keep her nose out, Amazing how people can manipulate people's minds so easy, I think I at least deserved a nice goodbye. Maybe our ex's just need to grow up...
marqueemoon4 Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 alot of times they don't want to deal with it because they already are with someone else.
poorguy Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 Yess, girls friends are always highly involved in the decision to end things. I have always wondered why they can't think for themselves. My last exes one Gf that she was close to I hated and she hated me. It was largely to do with her influence on my GF as to why I ended it. So I guess her friend won the war. man, there's something I don't miss about that relationship lol!!! Someone should start a thread about how other people et themselves involved in other people's relationships and hijack it or what not for their own benefit.
melenkurion Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I think pretty much everyone wants to be the hero of their own lifestory. Dealing with the dumping maturely, I think it causes too much (short-term) cognitive dissonance, "I'm a great person, but I am causing pain. Does not compute.". They'd just rather not think about it at all, hope it goes away.
Jen1981 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 Jen, I'm really sorry about that. I actually was diagnosed with this as well. It ties on some trauma from my past that was badly 'triggered' by this. And there is a resentment I feel that comes from having to go get help when I was .. ok. right now, my peace comes from what I said above. Running the hell away from romantic anything with these type of people. idc how that sounds either. I'm really sorry for your pain (( hugs )) Yeah resenment is what I feel too! I'm just afraid I'll turn bitter and cold if I get through this! HUGS
Karma20 Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 My ex wouldn't even give me a phone call he did it through email. The way I see it is, he doesn't respect me and didn't take our relationship seriously. That's just the way I look at it.
Sugarkane Posted January 21, 2011 Posted January 21, 2011 I couldn't agree more. My ex dumped me out of the blue by phone. We were together 10 months. I was in total shock. There was no fighting, everything seemed fine. Of coarse he wouldn't give me a reason. I asked his friend about his behaviour since he wouldn't tell me anything. She said that he fickle and just wants to be single. That it wasn't my fault. The next day he texted me, he was angry. He said that I annoyed the hell out of him. That I had no self esteem and no social skills. BULL****. I had become close with his friends, which makes the breakup even worse. Then just to add salt into the wound he said that he "should've done this ages ago ". Callous much? I was devasted, its bad enough being dumped OUT OF THE BLUE, let alone insulted by text aswell. I was a good girlfriend and never cheated. I didn't deserve this at all. I blamed myself for a long time. I had to take medication because I was very depessed. He totally cut me off. Of coarse he thinks none of it is his fault. If he did it would mean that he'd have to actually admit that he was wrong about something. That would be a first. I haven't even heard from him even once since we brokeup. He wouldn't even talk to me at all. How can someone be so cruel?
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