bzoe Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) - removed - Edited January 4, 2011 by bzoe
D78 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 bzoe, My heart goes out to you. You know (even though you can't see it through your heartbreak) that you didn't deserve to be treated the way your ex treated you. No one will ever understand why a loved one committed suicide. I have had one friend and one relative commit suicide. All I've learned from the experience is that unless you are also suicidal you will never understand. The fact that your ex used this as a tool to hurt you is so low. Maybe you're sitting there wondering why he didn't talk to you about the supposed problems in your relationship. All the sudden, out of the blue, these problems are all put on your shoulders. If you objectively analyze the "problems," I bet you will find that the problems were his. If they weren't his problems, they were probably problems that he didn't talk to you about. If he had talked to you, maybe the two of you could have worked on solving the problems. The fact that he didn't talk to you means it's his fault that your relationship ended. He can't possibly deal with that fact (immaturity, other issues, who knows), so he puts all of the blame on you. At first, his attempt to blame you is so absurd that you almost want to laugh. But, in the days without him, you start to question yourself and wonder why he didn't talk to you... are you really that bad? You might have even tried several times to find out what's bothering him, and he said nothing was wrong...? If there were problems, they should have been addressed during the relationship. The fact that they were not shows that your ex was not willing to put any work into the relationship. I can't really elaborate beyond that point, because I'm still dealing with some of the same questions myself (minus the fights and the suicide blame accusations) and I don't have the knowledge you need. The blaming your husband's suicide on you thing is way beyond the pale. I hope you know how stupid his words are. If you don't, please trust me that they are completely stupid. I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm sorry if my words sound unnecessarily harsh, but your ex has made me angry. I'm sure the wiser LS folks will add the important stuff to this thread. I just had to express my disgust about the words he said to you and the way he treated you. Deep down you know it wasn't your fault (the end of this relationship, or your marriage). I wish you luck.
Author bzoe Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 I started over by writing a whole new - shorter post .. but I'm so glad you saw this and replied. I know in my heart everything you wrote here was true. And its funny how I know that logically but my heart overrides my head ..a lot. Its just such a hurtful thing that it causes me to stop sometimes to catch my breath. For some reason I'm having a lot of difficulty understanding how someone Ive grown to trust and who I loved and cared for became this..person And yes.. along with everything else you said (truth squared) he didn't want to work on it. I asked, I guessed and tried to be gentle with my approach so that he would be encouraged to talk to me. Nothing i did seemed to work at the end. And now he treatment has gotten so bad..he left from being my blessing to someone I wish I simply never met your words mean a lot and your clarity helps me so thank you..
Recommended Posts