robbyboy1225 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Edit: i posted this in another section yesterday, but i feel this is a more appropriate section. My names robby, and my best friends name is britney. We hangout/run errands with each other literally all day everyday. We have other friends but just dont like hanging out with them much. We would much rather sit in her apt all day (alone or with her parents home) and not do anything. We think of us as a team, doing everything together, always talking as a we and not i or you. She does a lot of little things, like does things she knows i love, or puts on songs she knows i wanted to hear. I always do the same for her. We exchange favors dozens of times an hour, without thinking about it. We'll do anything for eachother. We always sit close to eachother, usually touching. Absolultley everyone thinks that were dating. Our friends, her co-workers, her brother (who i fight with like a sibling) and even her parents (who are like my parents, they absolutly love me). We just dont get bored of sitting together and doing absolutly nothing. Were alone almost all day everyday, and some times go on little outtings just the two of us. Weve only known eachother for a year, but we practically share a brain and are lost without eachother. When im on vacation we are litterally on the phone for 4-5 hours a day, and texting from the minute i wake up, till the minute i go to sleep. She has no one else close, besides me. She kinda left all her friends to be with me all day. We literally are each others lives. If shes not working or sleeping, shes with me. We havnt known each other long (a little over a year), but it just seems like we've known each other forever. We often talk about how incomplete we are when were not together, for some reason our brains just 'click'. I often feel like we act like were married, only we NEVER fight (and if we do its always something little that blows over in a few min.) In the past when we would talk about people saying we were together she would shrug it off saying that i was a year younger or really close. Im not able to tell if im missing the signals, or if im imagining them. Is this normal bestfriend love, or is it something more? Edit: i posted this in another section yesterday, but i feel this is a more appropriate section.
Cracker Jack Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 he would shrug it off saying that i was a year younger or really close. If you can, could you expand on this a bit? Kinda confused reading it. How exactly did she say it? Based on everything else, it seems like you two are really close friends. Have you ever kissed her before? Or at least got a lil touchy feely with her? Love, in a romantic sense, doesn't seem to be apparent here to me. I could be way off, tho.
shayan Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 if you like her go for her man, the best relationships come out of tight nit friendships like yours.
Author robbyboy1225 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 If you can, could you expand on this a bit? Kinda confused reading it. How exactly did she say it? Well for example, if we were talking about how her parents are convinced were dating, shed say something like "But i dont know why the think that, like i mean your a year younger than me" and then we'd move on to the next subject. But thats pretty much the main reason she gives. This is not an often conversation though. What (if anything) could/should i look for to judge whether her feelings are simply platonic or not? anything i could jokingly bring up to see her reaction? I just dont want to screw things up and damage our friendship, but i dont want to just ignore any possibilities.
carhill Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Hi OP, welcome to LS How old are you? What you describe is not uncommon. Are either or both of you virgins? IME, the clearest and most succinct way of determining sexual attraction is to take her into a passionate embrace and kiss her. A woman who wants you sexually will respond positively to this action. Whatever the response, accept it. Move on from there. After a year of knowing each other, if it's negative, that's not going to change. Decide what is healthy for you and proceed. Good luck
Author robbyboy1225 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 Hi OP, welcome to LS How old are you? What you describe is not uncommon. Are either or both of you virgins? IME, the clearest and most succinct way of determining sexual attraction is to take her into a passionate embrace and kiss her. A woman who wants you sexually will respond positively to this action. Whatever the response, accept it. Move on from there. After a year of knowing each other, if it's negative, that's not going to change. Decide what is healthy for you and proceed. Good luck Well im 18, and shes 19. And yes, were both virgins, how does that fit in with this? And i think if i reacted that way itd be to much of a shock for her, i know she always likes to think things like that through.
carhill Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Having been a long time virgin, nearly twice your age, I see clearly the differences in how a sexually inexperienced and sexual experienced person express love and desire. What you recount here is pretty normal to me, for a virgin. Do you wish to remain a virgin until married? Does she? You won't lose your virginity by kissing her. Also, kissing is not something one 'thinks through'. It is an expression of feeling. Either she feels the same way or she doesn't. Accept either result. Don't be 'friends' with someone of your desired gender who doesn't match up with your feelings. BTDT. Ouchers.
Author robbyboy1225 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 Having been a long time virgin, nearly twice your age, I see clearly the differences in how a sexually inexperienced and sexual experienced person express love and desire. What you recount here is pretty normal to me, for a virgin. Do you wish to remain a virgin until married? Does she? You won't lose your virginity by kissing her. Also, kissing is not something one 'thinks through'. It is an expression of feeling. Either she feels the same way or she doesn't. Accept either result. Don't be 'friends' with someone of your desired gender who doesn't match up with your feelings. BTDT. Ouchers. When you say normal, what do you mean? A normal platonic relationship? if so, how does being a virgin come into play? And niether of us plan of being virgins till marriage, we just think that when the time feels right. We just havn't found people we'd be comfortable having sex with. And your right, it wouldnt be right to tease myself for the next however many years. Im just so confused if this is a normal friendship or not, i appreciate your help.
carhill Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If both of you are single and neither has feelings for anyone else, your respective actions mimic a relationship but without sexual and romantic affection. Since neither of you have had sex, it's easy for this to happen, since no progression to sex has ever taken place for either of you. You understand the path cognitively but haven't walked the path. I developed some very close platonic relationships with women during my extended period of virginity and a few of them mimic your posting. Once I became sexually active, my perspective changed. I saw women differently. I saw those friends differently. The dynamics changed. You can go on forever like this, absent outside influences. At some point, however, another man will be sexual with her and she'll be receptive and your friendship will be over as you now know it. You will become part of her past. With sexual women, meaning women who are sexually active, you would be in the 'friendzone', meaning she likes you but doesn't find you sexually attractive. For a virgin, this is a bit more nebulous, especially if she was socialized with conservative views on affection and sex. She may not clearly know if she is attracted to you sexually or not. IMO, and I've experienced this as well, if she ends the friendship over you expressing attraction and kissing her, then you really weren't much of a friend anyway, regardless of what you might *believe*. That's a great life lesson to learn about women. Good luck
Author robbyboy1225 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 you bring up some very good points. I appreciate the input. thanks!
spiderowl Posted January 9, 2011 Posted January 9, 2011 (edited) I agree with other posters that it sounds like you have a very close friendship. Romances do develop from such 'boy-next-door' friendships and they can last a lifetime. They are really special. She may not have seriously considered you in that way though, especially if you are a year younger. At your age, a year can seem like a big age gap but it becomes nothing when you are my age. If you really want this relationship to be romantic too, then you need to sound her out a bit. I wouldn't recommend grabbing her and kissing her, like another poster suggested. I think she would be taken by surprise and even if she did want it to become romantic, she might still be shocked by the suddenness and react defensively. This would not help your relationship at all. I think you could drop a few hints about how strong your relationship with her is and how you see her as an attractive woman not just a best mate. Complimenting a woman on her appearance in some way is a big indicator that a man has more than a friends interest in her. There are other things that would show her that your feelings are changing. Ask her about dating and if she's interested in anyone. Ask her if she's considered the two of you dating. There is a danger that if she's not interested in romance, she may feel pressured. If she isn't interested, she will realise that you are (if you do the above) and she will either tell you what the situation is or start to back off a bit. It's important that you are sensitive to her reaction and don't push her if she's not interested, otherwise you will lose her friendship (by losing her friendship, I mean it would become awkward for her and you NOT that she would just abandon her best friend). Ultimately, you need to decide whether you can continue just being friends or whether it's all or nothing for you. There are lots of postings about this whole area on here as it's very common to become attracted to friends. Good luck whatever you decide to do. Edited January 9, 2011 by spiderowl
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