Ex gf from 3.5 years ago who is now married contacts me. How do I proceed

[MissingMyHubby]

So my ex of 2005 thru 2007 contacted me out of the blue after 3.5 years of no contact. I am now 28 and she is

27. So we dated fresh out of college. Anyways, the split ended pretty rough, she broke up with me over FB while I was

on vacation with my best friends. Immediately started dating her now current husband.

 

Got a text from her Mar of 2009, apologizing. Didnt respond. Now in January of 2011, get another attempt from her.

 

And here it reads:

 

I want to first off say I in no way want to get you into trouble by talking to me. I dont want to mess up your relationship, and I certainly dont want to mess up my own.

I have felt quite a bit of guilt for the past few years, and really feel like I should just apologize for my immature way of handling so many things.

Obviously the way I ended things was not loving nor appropriate, and I apologize for that.

I feel the need to say sorry more so for all of the fun things I ruined by being so easily upset/freaking out.

I know this short note doesnt even scrape the surface of making right anything let alone all I did wrong, but I hope it can help.

 

Everyone who still has had some contact with you says you are well, and seeming to enjoy life as always. I hope they are right.

 

Maybe ill see you another 200m into a race. haha!

 

Godspeed this year,

[her name]

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

3 options I was thinking:

 

1. Continue no contact, delete message and dont respond

2. Respond with apology accepted type

3. Respond with non apology type, calling her 2 faced and only trying to relieve guilt.

 

Thoughts???

[coltsfan1]

with her being married and having tried many times to apologize. I might actually think that it is honest. Even if its not be the better person and send her option #2. Just my .2

[marqueemoon4]

I would just respond back accepting her apology, and go back to NC.

[homebrew]

I would just respond back accepting her apology, and go back to NC.

 

I second that... Or at least I would.

 

If you think there is a chance you will get "sucked" in with someone who is married... Then stay NC. Otherwise, I would accept her apology and set her free of her guilt!

[bl22]

I think its great you got an apology, shows your relationship meant something. I myself am stil waiting for that apology and wonder If I'll ever get one...as im sure many others are too.

 

Getting an apology like this would mean alot to me, it would show that everything I did for her and the relationship meant something and it will restore a little faith back into life which can be cruel sometimes.

[LifeIsGreat]

I too think you should respond with a simple- 'thank you, I really appreciate that. yes life is great. hope you are doing well also. take care'.

 

HB is right that you shouldn't get 'sucked it', so I wouldn't contact her in person.

 

She has obviously grown and matured. Not many ex's wind up apologizing like yours did. Good for her, and good for you!!

[Mrlonelyone]

Take option two. Say " I accept your apology" and then move on. That is assuming you really accept the apology. If not then take option 1.

[Graceful]

I've been on an advice blog (on another website) for quite a while, and I've seen this question come up a few times. Believe it or not, it's not uncommon.

 

I've also seen people who have said that they have had an ex come back out of the blue to apologize 10, or even 20 years later!! (yes, this really surprised me, too, but it's true)

 

The majority of the advice is to take Option 2, and move on. Time has passed. People can change for the better.

 

The people who have been asked to forgive and do so, feel much better afterward. They even admit it sets them free to a certain extent. It takes time to feel this way, and in your case 3.5 years has passed.

 

She is doing this more for herself than for you, but so what? I would have done anything if my ex had apologized in some way, even if it was kind of superficial. Maybe some day ... (yeah, right, I said I am cynical).

 

Option 2. Keep it VERY short. Just say thank you. You don't even need to say "apology accepted" if you don't want to. Just say thank you, and sign your name. Nice going.

[WTRanger]

I'll be the echo to the other posters and advise you to go with option 2. Her message, for all accounts, is sincere. If you don't respond, or respond with anger, you'd look like a bitter d-bag who has harbored resentment for many years.

 

She has started to each her second emotional puberty, most people hit this around 27-29 years old. She is started to realize certain things from her past that she may have done wrong, or at least immaturely.

 

As others have said, keep it short and on point.

[MissingMyHubby]

I really do appreciate all the opinions right now. It seems everyone is against something negative coming from me to her, so I have either NC or an apology accepted type. Im kinda leaning towards a response. A calculated one. Something that hits her well and has good timing. (This alone prob suggests Im not quite over the whole thing and wish her NOT the best just yet. It really was the worst time of my life for about a year. But then again, just last week I was thinking about her and felt no ill feelings.) Anyways, my buddys' response he thinks I should respond with:

 

don't give her the satisfaction of an immediate or in-depth response that even hints at the fact that you care anymore. Just reply this weekend by saying something like 'Thanks for your email *****, it was nice to hear from you. I hope all is well with you and **** and that you had a nice Christmas. ******.'

 

That says your are past caring and manages to be cold but not too obviously to the extent that you are showing an intention to be deliberately unkind because she still gets to you. The nice Christmas part speaks of that.

 

Don't be tempted to go beyond that and make sure you tell your gf in passing (now!) that she emailed you to avoid any future confusion.

 

Thoughts???

 

Thanks again in advance everyone

[carhill]

'I accept your kind apology and wish you a happy and successful marriage and life'.

 

Not that my exW would ever apologize for anything but I'd have no problems sending her such a response should she, without even pondering it or starting a thread on LS about it.

 

That's what 'being over it' brings. Good luck

[homebrew]

Just say thank you, and sign your name.

 

Is perfect and has my vote!

 

Let's her know you forgive her... and accomplishes your mission of seeming like you didn't care / need it.