nineyearsgone79 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Hey Guys.. Just kind of venting tonight. So i've been seeing this guy since June and he's a nice guy. The thing is though he's very quiet .. doesn't really open up easy. I usually have to ask him questions and follow up with more questions to really pull anything out of him. I know he doesn't really have many friends aside from his parents and brother. However, tonight we were chatting online.. he seemed distracted so I asked what he was up to. He said he was researching job stuff. So i was like coo.. and then he said he was going to go to bed so i said yah me too. I actually was on the phone at the time with my best guy friend who i talk to more than my boyfriend. Me and my best guy friend chat daily and have far more in common than me and my boyfriend. Anyway, when i came back online around an hour later my bf was still online so i asked him if he was online. He said he had been accosted by an aim person. So i was like oh who and he said some girl from a city near us. I was like oh who's that and he said she's just an online person he met online years ago and met in person a while back. I was like oh hehe you meet lots of folks from the internet .. that's actually how he got into contact with me. We had gone to high school and never new each other but he found me on myspace. So i asked him how many folks he has met in real life from the net and he said he didn't know that he was sleepy and basically was chat-less. Anyway.. i duno what is up with this guy.. is this just his personality. I just feel like he is such an introverted person and it kinda makes my mind wander about what he really is doing online. : P.. I wouldn't care if he was chatting with female friends at all.. I just want to know who they are that's all. He's just so evasive.. it's kinda frustrating. Any thoughts? sorry for the long post :/.
january2010 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 He may be the kind of guy that uses evasion to avoid conflict. That is, he's already decided that you won't be happy with the answer and therefore he'd rather be vague and hope that that's enough to fob you off. Trouble is, this kind of dyamic can easily escalate. You become more frustrated by him and get more suspicious about who he is talking to. Your confidence and trust in him is undermined. You then start questioning him more and he feels interrogated, which results in him retreating even more into his shell. You've been seeing each other for a while now. I suggest that it's time to have a frank talk about your concerns and whether or not you can both agree and remain committed to a plan of action where both your needs are met. Otherwise, it may be the case that you need to be with someone who is a lot more open than this guy, which means that there's a fundamental incompatibility issue.
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