tfs182 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Here's my story: My ex girlfriend broke up with me back in October. We were together for 2 years, and near the end of it, things seemed different. We got stuck in a rut, and weren't making eachother happy anymore. We loved eachother, but both had issues we needed to deal with. I was insecure, needy, and it felt I had to be around her 24/7. She had some problems her self, but we were both willing to work on them to make our relationship a healthy one. One day, she ended it, saying she wasn't happy, and nothing was changing. Of course I took it hard, and wanted her back. A few days later we met up in person, and hashed thru everything. She said she still loves me, but we both need to work on ourselves, and survive on our own, and take a break. I was ok with that, because I knew it was the best thing. Well this is where I messed up. As the days went by, she would send me the odd text, saying this is hard, and I would agree. We still kept talking to eachother everyday, until one day I called too many times, and she had enough. She said, do not call me anymore, I'm pushing her away. Well I went a week of leaving her alone, and hated how things ended so I called her, and still emotions were high and she wouldn't talk to me. Well I kept making the same mistakes of calling her, and texting her, and it got so bad she felt like she needed to change her number so we just didn't talk at all. Well, I didn't listen to anyone, and felt so embarassed I still wanted to talk to her, and applogize, but of course she didn't wanted to hear it. I then got an email a week later saying she had let go of the hope of a future relationship. Well the unhealthy person I was, I kept chasing her, and doing all the horrible mistakes. Finally I got some help, and really started to work on myself, and why I did all thoughs horrible things. I felt good, I started to work out, dress better, go out and have a life again. Then one day she saw me at where she was working, and her mom, who I am really close with, told me she had to leave work because she was crying so bad because she still has feelings for me. Well once I heard that, I got happy again, and started to chase her again. I fell back in to the same pattern, and back to square one I was. I chased for a total of 2 months. I am very embarassed by what I did, because I know if I didn't do that, things would be different. I have now gone 1 month of NC since I sent her a email, appologzing for all I did, and told her I will no longer be contacting her. She understands why I did these things, and she does not hate me. She even agreed to have coffee when the time is right. Over the 1 month of NC, I have ran into her twice, and both times we said hi, smiled, and went on our way. I have cut contact with her family now, as being in contact with them all the time wasn't helping. I now feel more grounded, and have realized what I have done. Like I said, I am embarassed for what I did, and it is very hard to forgive myself. I am not sure if she will actually ever talk to me again...but I feel like I just want to show her I have been working on the problems I had. I understand its hard for her to trust that...but I am not sure what to do now. The last I heard, was she said she can't be with me right now, and that is different the not being with me at all. I don't want to give myself false hope, and I know she is a forgiving person, but I don't know if she will give me that second chance...
Hules Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Hey welcome tsf182 thanks for sharing your story just one suggestion if you could use paragraphs it makes reading oh so much easier . Now onto your situation. Well yes you made a lot of mistakes, use this as a growing experience so next time you wont make the same mistakes. Try not to beat yourself up about it just accept the past is the past and move on. As for the second chance well i would say at this point from what you have described most likely not. She wanted space and you suffocated her, you might not like what im about to say but if you are to have any hope of reconciling with her in the future you need to let her go. The other thing you need to do is love yourself and put yourself first i get the impression from this I am not sure if she will actually ever talk to me again...but I feel like I just want to show her I have been working on the problems I had. I understand its hard for her to trust that...but I am not sure what to do now. that you are only "working" on your problems to try and keep a hold of her. This is the wrong mentality you should be doing it for yourself and no one else. I know its hard but you just need to stick at NC she will come around if thats what she wants. If not then it wasn't ment to be.
Author tfs182 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 Thanks Hules. Yeah, since the break up, everyone told me to just 'Let Her Go', and if it is meant to be, she will come back(obviously it took me awhile to listen). At first, I was trying to change just for her, but since I have gone NC for the past month, and finally realized that my life doesn't need to revolve around her...the changes I am making are for me, and it feels good! I know I have not done the unforgivable sin, and she understands why I suffocated her...I mean she still tells her family she still cares about me, and all of her friends have told me that she has not said one bad word about me. But I guess I need to let go of all of that, and just continue to focus on me, and improve myself. That way, if I ever do get to meet with her, I will be in a better state ...and trust me, I have broken NC a lot. It got me no where. I am not gonna go down that road again
Recommended Posts