mikeey Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If you're interested in reading my Christmas text experience...http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t258563/ Following a week of NC after that, I received a text from my ex, Tanya, at 6pm on Saturday evening. Keep in mind, she is visiting her boyfriend in Chicago at this time...she lives in Vancouver. I kindly responded with "Happy New Years". As per usual, that wasn't enough. She wants to start a conversation. "How was your holidays" she asks. I respond with "Well...the real Tanya would know the answer to that question and to related questions." She asks me if I'm drunk, I respond in the negative. Moreover, I text, "If MY tanya still exists somewhere in this universe....even within the being who currently is sending me these texts, My little Tanya will seek me out one day....and when she does, our worlds will collectively smile, her hand in mine, we'll walk the miles...in the journey of life (sorry, if anyone tossed their cookies reading that!). She asks me if I hate her. I don't respond. She comes back with "I'm here! I'm just a little older and slightly different now". I reply "You are very different. To the point where I don't even know you anymore. But, if you do happen to run into MY tanya, say "hi" to her for me...she'd like to hear from me....it helps her sleep at night". She responds with "I'm not going to try to change your mind. Good night Mike". I write, "Good night to MY little Tanya. Good night to you as well...whomever you are that is sending me these texts". She replies with "Have a good night and a smiley face". OK. Couple of questions. 1. Sending me these texts WHILE SHE IS VISITING HER BOYFRIEND IN CHICAGO. Is she nuts, or am I? Seems like very abnormal behavior to me. 2. What does that say about her relationship with her boyfriend? 3. Did I maintain my position there...or did I lose it? The only reason that I ask is that prior to going NC 16 days ago...I was a human marshmallow/doormat for 4 months....while we were "friends". 4. Why end that conversation with a smiley face? I was being rather rude throughout? All well intentioned thoughts are welcome! Back to NC!
Author mikeey Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 Oh, and to the people who (in the prior, related thread) forecast her making contact...again....you are very wise indeed.
PegNosePete Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 1. Sending me these texts WHILE SHE IS VISITING HER BOYFRIEND IN CHICAGO. Is she nuts, or am I? Seems like very abnormal behavior to me. Who cares? 2. What does that say about her relationship with her boyfriend? Who cares? 3. Did I maintain my position there...or did I lose it? Who cares? 4. Why end that conversation with a smiley face? I was being rather rude throughout? Who cares? NC dude. It means no contact. Don't reply to her.
Author mikeey Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 I know, I know.....you're right....At least I never initiated the contact! Nevertheless, NC is or should be NC I guess. Oh well, Xmas/New Years are done....and my birthday isn't for a long time. No reason for her to contact me now!
LifeIsGreat Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 The whole- "the REAL Tanya...." thing smacks of bitterness and desperation. If you were trying to accomplish anything positive, I think you blew it.
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If a Dumper contacts you and all you get is crumbs... Do not break NC. Why? You in a sense become / feel like the Dumper and they become / feel like the dumpee. It helps with the healing process and forces the Dumper (now dumpee) to question, think about, wonder if breaking up with you was the right decision. If you want them back... It's the very best thing you could hope for. There is no need to ask them, beg them, plead with them to reconsider the break up from a position of weakness (Dumpee). They will now do it... in a normal and naturally way on their own, without you even having to say a word.
Chi townD Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Dude...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! You're taking texts from her while she's visiting a guy in Chicago. Texting with her and as soon as she's done texting with you, going to bed with this guy? You see the level of disrespect and the gall this girl has? She asks if you hate her....hate is a very strong word, appropriate, but strong! Stop being her doormat dude!
Author mikeey Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 If a Dumper contacts you and all you get is crumbs... Do not break NC. Why? You in a sense become / feel like the Dumper and they become / feel like the dumpee. It helps with the healing process and forces the Dumper (now dumpee) to question, think about, wonder if breaking up with you was the right decision. If you want them back... It's the very best thing you could hope for. There is no need to ask them, beg them, plead with them to reconsider the break up from a position of weakness (Dumpee). They will now do it... in a normal and naturally way on their own, without you even having to say a word. I like your logic here homebrew. I will maintain NC....get on with things....and we'll see what happens I guess.
Author mikeey Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Dude...WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! You're taking texts from her while she's visiting a guy in Chicago. Texting with her and as soon as she's done texting with you, going to bed with this guy? You see the level of disrespect and the gall this girl has? She asks if you hate her....hate is a very strong word, appropriate, but strong! Stop being her doormat dude! Thanks for pointing this stuff out. Yes, I can see how disrespectful her actions are. For what it's worth, it's probably disrespectful to the current boyfriend as well....I guess it doesn't say much about her as a person...or at least, it reveals a serious character flaw. What I was trying to figure out is ...WHY.....she would contact me on Christmas and New Years (unsolicited of course) after we...or I should say I ended out post break up "friendship" which I finally realized was going nowhere (she's been in this new relationship for a long time and never told her boyfriend that we were still "friends"). I was mean to her in our last actual conversation....I called her a liar multiple times, I told her that her relationship would fail multiple times....I called the new dude various unflattering names etc etc etc....and I honestly never thought I would hear from her again. I wouldn't talk to anyone again who talked to me in that fashion. Moreover, prior to that conversation, she sent me an email where she explained that her heart and mind were somewhere else and with someone else...and in her words, she "let me go". Given all of that, what is the point of contacting me again? Even if it's just for the holidays?
Chi townD Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 for an ego stroke. She asked the question. Do you hate me? She doesn't want to feel like the bad person in this. It's bugging her know that someone in this world is hurt, angry and disgusted by her actions. In her perfect world, she can screw you over and you and her would be really good friends.... screw that.
Author mikeey Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 Any female thoughts out there on this? Dela, are you around?
PegNosePete Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 You don't need female perspective, you just need to know where the "delete" button is on your phone. Seriously man stop wasting your time obsessing about why she acts like she does, and get on with your own life. You're never going to speak to her again, so what does it matter why she wastes her time contacting you, right? RIGHT??
bestrong Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Your answer was bitter, man. I could totally imagine my ex saying "Awwww he still loves me" (in her mind) and went ahead to hug her new bf. Don't break NC no matter how painful you are in the future. Learn from this and don't give her ego stroke anymore.
Author mikeey Posted January 7, 2011 Author Posted January 7, 2011 I guess I can see the ego stroking part....and YES, I've been NC since....as a matter of fact, save for the Christmas/New Years texts which she initiated, I've been NC for almost 3 weeks. I just don't get entirely why she would need her ego stroked? In the last 4 months I believe that she told me (unsolicited again) about 20 times that she was extremely happy with her new setup and that she saw a bright future there. If that was me in her shoes, I wouldn't give a flying f*** what my ex was doing/thought...nothing. Whether I was the dumper or the dumpee. And to boot, she does it from her boyfriend's apartment? Along the similar train of thought, she asks me "Do you hate me?". Again, I don't see the point....if I was living in her tranquil world of butterflies and white picket fences, I wouldn't be concerned at all what an ex partner thought of me. Anyone have any ideas?
Mrlonelyone Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I think it's because to some extent or the other all women are histrionic. Histrionic personality disorder is mostly diagnosed in women. The women who have it are usually somewhat attractive. Basically such a woman seeks attention all the time and acts very melodramatic. All a man is to them is a source of attention... they could give a flying flip about the guy. Your EX sounds like a classic case. Even if she's not up to having a full on PD she certainly wants as much attention as possible.
PegNosePete Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 I just don't get entirely why she would need her ego stroked? In the last 4 months I believe that she told me (unsolicited again) about 20 times that she was extremely happy with her new setup and that she saw a bright future there. If that was me in her shoes, I wouldn't give a flying f*** what my ex was doing/thought...nothing. Whether I was the dumper or the dumpee. And to boot, she does it from her boyfriend's apartment? Exactly. No need to tell your ex this, especially repeatedly. Sounds like a case of "fake it til you make it". But it's irrelevant really. Just stick to NC dude and let her worry about her. You worry about you.
Chi townD Posted January 7, 2011 Posted January 7, 2011 And take comfort knowing that there's a lot more woman on the planet than men.. Time to find a new one. Once she finds this out, THEN your phone will be burning. Why? Because the dog is off the leash. Just ignore her.
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