greenteagal Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 At New Year's I kissed my boyfriends friend. In my right mind I would not have kissed anyone, but him, however, I let myself get way too drunk and to the point of not remembering half of the night. As if that was not enough disappointment, when he got mad at his friend and wanted to fight him, he was sent outside. I did go with him because I happened to see him, he then told me we needed to leave and to get my friend. I attempted to get my friend, but unfortunately, I went to go see where she was and then forgot to go back. My boyfriend is rightly upset with me and first of all because I kissed his friend and second because I forgot he was outside. I feel terrible and so sad that this happened, it makes me want to never pick up another shot in my life. I can only imagine how he feels right now, wondering if I would ever do that again and if he wants to continue to open up to me, feelings that I abandoned him. I feel like crap and I hate that he does not feel safe to share his affection with me right now. It has only been three days, but he still contacts me, but not like before, today he did tell me he thinks of me too. He told me all that bothered him and that he is considering that I am not the type of girl who would be like that and that I was so drunk that I did not remember a lot of things that night, including the making out as he said, that I thought was only a kiss. Be as it may, I cannot argue that, but I am so sad about the night and want to know if I can get a better understanding on what he may be going through, as he is not ready to open up. I want to make it right and not be pushy and be there as he needs me. I am not sure what to do, I am at a loss and reaching out to cyber world, I have not been in a situation like this before and I do not want to lose this man. I know he is a better person than me and now I am wondering why I ever gave him a hard time for only slapping a girl on her butt when he was drunk. I am open to comments and suggestions, please.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Was this a quick peck or a tongue kiss? What he might be thinking is that since youre inhibitions were down with alcohol, that you secretly lusted after his friend. So much so that you arent in love with your bf enough to not want to look at anyone else in any situation. he might forgive you, he might not, but I'd totally suspicious of you if i were him. or maybe he isnt meeting all of your emotional needs...if thats the case, you need to tell him what you need to keep you looking at him and not his friend.
LuLu65 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 First, don't say he is better person than you. You made a mistake, we are all human. And slapping another girl on the butt isn't appropriate either. We all do stupid things when we have had too much to drink. You obviously feel really bad about what happened and are taking responsibility for your actions. If you both honestly care for each other and want to make it work I would suggest that you keep your communication open and be honest with each other. Relationships are not only fun but hard work as well, but if you can keep talking things will hopefully work out okay. I hope it all works out okay for you.
Mad Max Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 First, don't say he is better person than you. You made a mistake, we are all human. And slapping another girl on the butt isn't appropriate either. We all do stupid things when we have had too much to drink. You obviously feel really bad about what happened and are taking responsibility for your actions. If you both honestly care for each other and want to make it work I would suggest that you keep your communication open and be honest with each other. Relationships are not only fun but hard work as well, but if you can keep talking things will hopefully work out okay. I hope it all works out okay for you. This is not a mistake. Being drunk is not an excuse.
LuLu65 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 This is not a mistake. Being drunk is not an excuse. I agree being drunk is never an excuse, but some people handle their drink better than others, dumb decisions are made all the time, I've witnessed many people making arses of themselves when drunk and I'm sure you have as well........and I bet he said the reason he slapped a girls butt was because he was drunk. I'm just saying she's seems genuinely sorry for her actions and that they should talk, I'm sure some trust has been lost but that doesn't mean it can't be rebuilt if that's what the both want and work at it.
Mad Max Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I agree being drunk is never an excuse, but some people handle their drink better than others, dumb decisions are made all the time, I've witnessed many people making arses of themselves when drunk and I'm sure you have as well........and I bet he said the reason he slapped a girls butt was because he was drunk. I'm just saying she's seems genuinely sorry for her actions and that they should talk, I'm sure some trust has been lost but that doesn't mean it can't be rebuilt if that's what the both want and work at it. If you know you're going to make an ass of yourself, then don't drink. I don't drink to begin with, but kissing someone else(drunk or otherwise) is not a mistake.
Author greenteagal Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 He says it was more than a peck, that we made out, I think he means long kiss. There is no deep meaning behind me kissing his friend, I am not even remotely attracted to him, I think it was because it was midnight and everyone was kissing someone and I saw a familiar face. Thanks for the reply and the insight that he may not be meeting my emotional needs. I could look further into that, we are dating of three months and what I know right now is that he is really amazing and someone that I want to continue to be with. We were actually dating only each other back in March, but his ex wife knew we were together and then started promising that she wanted him back, I then happened to see him on a girls night grabbing another girls butt and holding hands with another one. I broke it off and then not until I couldn't stop thinking about him that we started dating again. Recently he smacked another girls butt and that time I reacted and we talked it out that night. I just realized that he really really cares for me and he acts impulsively when having too much to drink. We are really good together and I love this man. I am missing him so much, I am missing him being open with me and us growing closer. I need to think more about other emotional needs once we get to the place where we can talk about that. Now I just want to understand him more and where he is coming from.
LuLu65 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If you know you're going to make an ass of yourself, then don't drink. I don't drink to begin with, but kissing someone else(drunk or otherwise) is not a mistake. Good that you don't drink. Mistake noun 1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc. I'm not saying what she did was right......
Mad Max Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Mistake noun 1. an error in action, calculation, opinion, or judgment caused by poor reasoning, carelessness, insufficient knowledge, etc. What she did was not an error. It was planned. Putting something in the wrong place, dropping something, knocking something over, etc. Those are mistakes. Kissing someone is a planned action.
Author greenteagal Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 If you know you're going to make an ass of yourself, then don't drink. I don't drink to begin with, but kissing someone else(drunk or otherwise) is not a mistake. The mistake was getting that drunk, I appreciate the comment that you shouldn't let yourself get so bad. This is true, I am just beside myself as well the way the alcohol affected me that night vs. another night that we drank together and I had more alcohol and yes I had a hard time focusing that night, but never would have guessed that having two less shots than the other time would have me so wiped out. I do not remember getting home, don't remember walking out of the bar into the house, my friend told me I was hiccuping uncontrollably. It was a mistake getting that bad, but once again I have not been this bad ever before. It was like I blacked out. This being said I don't care about me making a bad choice or being immature, or drinking too much. We set out that night to have fun bringing in the new year together. What I am concerned about is what may he be thinking, what is he giong to have to over come to feel safe again with me? What can I do to help him feel secure again with me?
Author greenteagal Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 If you know you're going to make an ass of yourself, then don't drink. I don't drink to begin with, but kissing someone else(drunk or otherwise) is not a mistake. The mistake started with getting that drunk, I appreciate the comment that you shouldn't drink if you are going to make an ass of yourself. This is true, I am just beside myself as well the way the alcohol affected me that night vs. another night that we drank together and I had more alcohol and yes I had a hard time focusing that night, but never would have guessed that having two less shots than the other time would have me so wiped out. I do not remember getting home, don't remember walking out of the bar into the house, my friend told me I was hiccuping uncontrollably. It was a mistake getting that bad, but once again I have not been this bad ever before. It was like I blacked out. I know the mistake, he has every right to feel the way he feels. What I am concerned about is what may he be thinking, what is he going to have to over come to feel safe again with me? What can I do to help him feel secure again with me?
LuLu65 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 The mistake was getting that drunk, I appreciate the comment that you shouldn't let yourself get so bad. This is true, I am just beside myself as well the way the alcohol affected me that night vs. another night that we drank together and I had more alcohol and yes I had a hard time focusing that night, but never would have guessed that having two less shots than the other time would have me so wiped out. I do not remember getting home, don't remember walking out of the bar into the house, my friend told me I was hiccuping uncontrollably. It was a mistake getting that bad, but once again I have not been this bad ever before. It was like I blacked out. This being said I don't care about me making a bad choice or being immature, or drinking too much. We set out that night to have fun bringing in the new year together. What I am concerned about is what may he be thinking, what is he giong to have to over come to feel safe again with me? What can I do to help him feel secure again with me? The only thing I think you can do is prove to him that it won't happen again. You have to earn his trust back and that won't be easy. Certainly watch the amount you drink and don't let yourself get to that state again...If he's not ready to open up to you about his feelings just now, just let him know you are there when he is ready. I do hope it works out for you.
Author greenteagal Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 The only thing I think you can do is prove to him that it won't happen again. You have to earn his trust back and that won't be easy. Certainly watch the amount you drink and don't let yourself get to that state again...If he's not ready to open up to you about his feelings just now, just let him know you are there when he is ready. I do hope it works out for you. I would love to prove to him that it won't happen again. This sucks so bad, I know trust is hard to build and I've just been thinking about ways to do that. When we first started talking he said that he would call me tomorrow. He did text the next day and started talking more about his feelings and that it just left him wondering how serious we were. Now I am wondering is this him telling me that he wants more confirmation that I am his and only his. I have told him how much I care for him, love him, think of him, and honestly every text I send I am wondering if it was too much or too little or if I was vulnerable enough. I am just taking it a text at a time.
JustJoe Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 GTG, the other posters are right. Being drunk is no excuse, so stop using it as one. I doubt very seriously if your ex-bf want' s to talk to you about it, he's probably too mad or hurt. How does he know he can trust you?
LuLu65 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I would love to prove to him that it won't happen again. This sucks so bad, I know trust is hard to build and I've just been thinking about ways to do that. When we first started talking he said that he would call me tomorrow. He did text the next day and started talking more about his feelings and that it just left him wondering how serious we were. Now I am wondering is this him telling me that he wants more confirmation that I am his and only his. I have told him how much I care for him, love him, think of him, and honestly every text I send I am wondering if it was too much or too little or if I was vulnerable enough. I am just taking it a text at a time. That's all you can really do, hopefully he will give you the chance to prove that it won't happen again.
Author greenteagal Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 That's all you can really do, hopefully he will give you the chance to prove that it won't happen again. Thanks I appreciate your thoughts.
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