StrongerNow Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Very recently I found out my husband has been cheating on me for sometime. I was angry when I first found out to the point of physical violence, which is not me. He has told me that he wants to stay with me and find love in our marriage. Since we have been trying to "work things out" I have bottled a lot of my true feelings which seems to be frustrating him. I was always the "no holds barred" type. How do I find the strength and courage to give him all my feelings like anger, sadness and, believe it or not...love full barrel? I am open to any and all suggestions. Edited January 4, 2011 by StrongerNow
Distant78 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) Very recently I found out my husband has been cheating on me for sometime. I was angry when I first found out to the point of physical violence, which is not me. He has told me that he wants to stay with me and find love in our marriage. Since we have been trying to "work things out" I have bottled a lot of my true feelings which seems to be frustrating him. I was always the "no holds barred" type. How do I find the strength and courage to give him all my feelings like anger, sadness and, believe it or not...love full barrel? I am open to any and all suggestions. Just calmly sit down with him and tell him you're still very resentful of him cheating on you and that you feel he's doing nothing to help with the pain. Personally I'd just divorce the guy and find someone who will never do that but just talk to him calmly for now and see how it goes. You won't get over the anger in such a small amount of time. Edited January 4, 2011 by Distant78
Author StrongerNow Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 (edited) He knows I am upset and resentful. I am just unable to fully show it. I tip toe around him and myself all the time and I hate it. I am trying to find the strength to be open when I am angry rather than shutting down. He is trying to help as best he can considering. He wants the passionate woman who would have kicked ass before rather than hiding. I hope I am making sense. Edited January 4, 2011 by StrongerNow
Spark1111 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Very recently I found out my husband has been cheating on me for sometime. I was angry when I first found out to the point of physical violence, which is not me. He has told me that he wants to stay with me and find love in our marriage. Since we have been trying to "work things out" I have bottled a lot of my true feelings which seems to be frustrating him. I was always the "no holds barred" type. How do I find the strength and courage to give him all my feelings like anger, sadness and, believe it or not...love full barrel? I am open to any and all suggestions. When you discover a spouse's infidelity, the pain is so devastating that at first, you may feel numb, unconfident, sad and no self-esteem following the initial violent reaction. That's normal. You also may feel frightened to lose the spouse you love and may initially blame yourself as if you did something wrong. This is called SHOCK, and it is the first phase of the grief recovery cycle. Are you two in counseling? Because the other phases are coming and it would be good to prepare yourselves for it. Please start reading all sorts of infidelity material. Together would be preferable. Remember, while there may have been issues in the marriage, the decision to cheat was his alone and had nothing to do with you. There were so many other, better, healthier ways to resolve those issues than to go outside the marriage to find another person to be with. Do not bottle anything up. Try to express it in the healthiest way possible. A good counselor can help you with this. Good luck to you.
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