Seven year old wearing pullups

[fooled once]

Thoughts on a 7 year old wearing pullups...

 

There is no medical issue. Just laziness of the parents. Parents have demanded/taught kid that kid is never to leave the bedroom in the morning before 8 am. This has been ongoing for 5 years. Little girl, H, has been taught to just pee in her diaper/pull-up. Father of child told me it was easier than having to change sheets or deal with a wet bed.

 

 

Anyone else ever experience this?

[dest]

With all that teaching ability they have, they need to just teach her to walk to the bathroom and pee regardless of time of morning. Those parents sound extremely selfish to an abusive degree.

[donnamaybe]

Yeah, this business of not allowing a child out of their room until 8:00 a.m. is ludicrous! My kids, when they were young, were nearly always up about 7:00. THAT is when mom and/or dad need to get their lazy arses out of bed and tend to their children.

[sally4sara]

That is awful! Its undermines her development. I was enough older to remember my brother going through potty training, my own son, a handful of kids I babysat for......they don't WANT to have soiled items on! Somewhere between the ages of 2 - 4, all these kids I've known showed signs of wanting to be free of soiling themselves. Being upset over feeling wet, taking the diaper off, climbing on top of the toilet. All of these things let parents know its time to begin potty training.

 

This girl's parents were simply too lazy to see it done. They've actually taught her to do the opposite of her developmental impulses for her to still be in pull ups and soiling herself.

And to confine her to her room till 8am? That's the equivalent of keeping a dog in their kennel box just so you don't have to watch them or take them outside.

[Kasan]

Curious here..........is this child home-schooled?

 

How does wearing pull-ups work for her when I am guessing she is in the 1st grade?

 

How has this escaped her teacher's notice?

 

Kids can be brutal at that age, so wonder how she is faring psychologically?

 

Also curious as how long it will be before CPS is called in.

[Linda9999]

I would need a LOT more info before passing any kind of judgment. Both my boys wore pull ups at night till they were about 8 years old. I assume this little girl only wears it at night? And that she IS toilet trained? How do you know the child is not allowed out of her room till 8 am? Having a child wear pull ups overnight IS a lot easier than dealing with wet sheets and mattresses.

 

If the parents are forcing a toilet trained 7yo child to wear a pull up and pee in it because they won't allow her out of her room until 8 am, then I would call child protective services. You need a lot more info, though.

[dest]

 

Kids can be brutal at that age, so wonder how she is faring psychologically?

 

Also curious as how long it will be before CPS is called in.

Good question.

[tinktronik]

I would need a LOT more info before passing any kind of judgment. Both my boys wore pull ups at night till they were about 8 years old. I assume this little girl only wears it at night? And that she IS toilet trained? How do you know the child is not allowed out of her room till 8 am? Having a child wear pull ups overnight IS a lot easier than dealing with wet sheets and mattresses.

 

If the parents are forcing a toilet trained 7yo child to wear a pull up and pee in it because they won't allow her out of her room until 8 am, then I would call child protective services. You need a lot more info, though.

 

I agree strongly with your statement. I have a no 10 y/o son who soiled (not wet) his pants until he was 8. For years we were told there was no medical issue. That is until we found a really good doctor who found the problem, got us in the right treatment path and was able to solve the physical issue and put in place the right methods to overcome the phycological issues that had been created from having the issue in the first place. But it literally took 4+ years of doctors visits.

 

There was plenty of tsk tsking from teachers and parents who should have minded their business and kept their assumptions and judgements to themselves. It would have left my son with a much easier time overcoming his issues once the medical issue was solved.

 

There may be reasons why this girl cannot roam the house freely before 8AM. But not living in the home you may not be privy those the reasons.

 

Also if this child is bedwetting at night she may need a pull-up. I know that many children who bed wet are embarrassed and may not seek help from a parent at night, choosing instead to sleep in their wet bed or hide it from their parents. Putting a pull-up on a child who does this very reasonable.

 

I also wanted to add that this is much more widespread of an lifestyle than most realize. I found something that really helped was having a doctor educate my family that 1 in 4 boys up to age 9 still soils their pants with some regularity and almost all hide the evidence in embarrassment.

Edited January 4, 2011 by tinktronik
addition

[donnamaybe]

Sorry, but forcing a child to remain in their bedroom in the a.m. is most likely going to CAUSE them to wet their pants.

[Feelin Frisky]

I don't know what's what with those diaper things as I've never had kids. I was the oldest of 8 kids however as a youth and there was no restrictions on when to go t o the bathroom. We were all trained by 3 or 4 I guess.

 

The other day I saw couple of women walking down my block. One of their kids was about 7 and was sucking on a passy. I thought that was weird.

[sally4sara]

My brother, who was otherwise potty trained, did wet the bed in the night till he was 10. This was down to a medical issue. His bladder muscles were not as strong as they should have been. He had to take medication and we had to wake him in the middle of the night.

 

I feel that had my mother just put him in pull ups rather than setting an alarm, making the effort to get herself up and see to it my brother used the bathroom in the middle of the night, he would have dealt with the issue even longer.

 

My own son didn't deal with this; I was lucky. We don't get to choose what issues, medical or mental, our children end up exhibiting. We can and should put in the effort to help them overcome whatever they are dealing with. Not figure out some way to make it less of a hassle to US.

And I can't imagine the girl having some issue that slapping a pull up on and confining her to her room till 8am is going to properly alleviate. Even if making her wait till 8am is done with the intention of training her bladder muscles to become stronger and the pull up is used to prevent a mess if she can't hold off - it seems negligent of them. My mother's efforts in getting up in the middle of the night let my brother know he had someone looking out for him. Had she confined him alone to his room at a time when when he knew one or both of us were awake and moving about the house, he would have felt abandoned and shamed for what he was dealing with.

[fooled once]

To answer a few questions and at the same time, not give to much personal private info...

 

Do you know for sure that she is not a bed wetter?

 

*Yes, I know for sure.

 

They make the goodnights fo rolder children that have wetting problems in bed or because of incontinence. Not allowing her to leave the bedroom before 8 is strange and sounds abusive. She should be able to leave the room if she needs to pee, at anytime.

 

If she really doesn't need to be in diapers it can cause psycological problems like with myself.

 

I hope her parents stop this or try to see if she has a medical problem

 

good luck

 

With all that teaching ability they have, they need to just teach her to walk to the bathroom and pee regardless of time of morning. Those parents sound extremely selfish to an abusive degree.

 

They are incredibly selfish parents. Incredibly

 

That is awful! Its undermines her development. I was enough older to remember my brother going through potty training, my own son, a handful of kids I babysat for......they don't WANT to have soiled items on! Somewhere between the ages of 2 - 4, all these kids I've known showed signs of wanting to be free of soiling themselves. Being upset over feeling wet, taking the diaper off, climbing on top of the toilet. All of these things let parents know its time to begin potty training.

 

This girl's parents were simply too lazy to see it done. They've actually taught her to do the opposite of her developmental impulses for her to still be in pull ups and soiling herself.

And to confine her to her room till 8am? That's the equivalent of keeping a dog in their kennel box just so you don't have to watch them or take them outside.

 

They are lazy and irresponsible. Mother prefers sleep to parenting - even awake - she prefers to take them someplace to have them amused or buy them crap so she doesn't have to interact. Very sad...

 

Curious here..........is this child home-schooled?

 

*No, she is not homeschooled.

 

How does wearing pull-ups work for her when I am guessing she is in the 1st grade?

 

*Pullups fit under her clothes, plus in school, they have "breaks" for bathroom. She also spends a lot of time in daycare - again - where there are caring adults who tell kids it is bathroom time.

 

How has this escaped her teacher's notice?

 

*She wears panties during the day - unless she is going to be in the car for longer than a couple hours. When going on trips, she is put in pull-ups, as is her 5 year old brother, and told to just pee in them if they have to go.

 

Kids can be brutal at that age, so wonder how she is faring psychologically?

 

*sadly, there is a lot going on psychologically. She has a problem stealing too - from per parents things, her grandparents things, store things, friends things, etc. I was told that they are going to look into counseling -- FINALLY. This has been ongoing for 3 years (the stealing). She is also starting to hoard food

 

Also curious as how long it will be before CPS is called in.

 

CPS will not do anything. CPS doesn't consider this 'abusive'. CPS has been called. Unfortunately, many people think CPS will investigate claims, but that isn't how it works (at least not in their state). A call may go to CPS, but then someone determines if it is worthy of being looked into. That determination is made within 5-7 business days. For a situation to be looked into, there has to basically be visible signs of physical abuse and/or documented drugs in the home (as in pictures and details). CPS is overworked and underpaid, which is very sad as the kids are the future of this country.

 

I would need a LOT more info before passing any kind of judgment. Both my boys wore pull ups at night till they were about 8 years old. I assume this little girl only wears it at night? And that she IS toilet trained? How do you know the child is not allowed out of her room till 8 am? Having a child wear pull ups overnight IS a lot easier than dealing with wet sheets and mattresses.

* I know - you will just have to trust me that I know for a FACT that she is not allowed out of her room before 8 am and this started several years ago. Yes, she does go on the potty, but only during the day and ONLY if she isn't traveling.

 

At 7 years old, it is, IMHO, the utter laziness of the parents to have a child pee their pants vs getting up and going to the bathroom. There are also things called plastic sheet protectors you can put under sheets to protect the mattress. Accidents are ONE thing, every day occurrence is another. This isn't an issue of an accident once in a while nor are we talking about a 4 year old. This 7 year old will tell you that her mommy and daddy told her to just pee in her pants at night and her parents back that up stating that is exactly what she is told to do so that she doesn't leave her room.

If the parents are forcing a toilet trained 7yo child to wear a pull up and pee in it because they won't allow her out of her room until 8 am, then I would call child protective services. You need a lot more info, though.

 

As I stated above, CPS will not investigate. And again, I know all of the above that I have written is TRUE and not perception. It is fact. Seen and heard fact, not only by me but by 3 others on several occasions.

[fooled once]

My own son didn't deal with this; I was lucky. We don't get to choose what issues, medical or mental, our children end up exhibiting. We can and should put in the effort to help them overcome whatever they are dealing with. Not figure out some way to make it less of a hassle to US.

 

And I can't imagine the girl having some issue that slapping a pull up on and confining her to her room till 8am is going to properly alleviate. Even if making her wait till 8am is done with the intention of training her bladder muscles to become stronger and the pull up is used to prevent a mess if she can't hold off - it seems negligent of them. My mother's efforts in getting up in the middle of the night let my brother know he had someone looking out for him. Had she confined him alone to his room at a time when when he knew one or both of us were awake and moving about the house, he would have felt abandoned and shamed for what he was dealing with.

 

Thank you for what you wrote. You said so well what I have felt. I too was very lucky in that my son basically potty trained overnight and there were no "pull ups" when he was young, which I am glad about because I find pull ups to be diapers shaped as underwear. I know some kids have bladder / medical issues - my brother did when he was younger. He was never made to feel ashamed. He had accidents on occasions. Once he hit about 10 or 11, he seemed to outgrow it. I actually never really knew about it (and I am older) because it was never made to be a big deal. I only heard about it later in life.

[Trimmer]

Based on the OP's latest post, and assuming that information to be accurate, the pullup issue is just one element of a developmental environment that has problems all over the place.

 

This isn't just about giving a thumbs-up or thumbs-down to the idea of "a 7 year old wearing pullups". As others have pointed out, there are individual situations where that may be a viable option, in an otherwise supportive and considerate developmental environment.

 

The issue here is that it's an important developmental transition for kids to gradually take full responsibility for their bodily functions, and more broadly, their bodies. As a kid is ready and capable to take on more and more of those responsibilities, parents should assist and support where needed, and get out of the way otherwise. In the situation described though, the parents are actively exerting control over the children's bodily functions in situations where the kids are becoming capable of handling things themselves, impeding (or maybe even reversing?) normal developmental progress toward independent control and ownership of, and responsibility for, their bodies.

 

I don't like to think of where that path leads, developmentally, when you press the Fast Forward button and see how things turn out later in life.

 

Sadly, I'm going to bet that this is not just one isolated weirdness in an otherwise normal home - that this isn't the only developmental issue these kids and parents will stumble over...

[donnamaybe]

I feel that had my mother just put him in pull ups rather than setting an alarm, making the effort to get herself up and see to it my brother used the bathroom in the middle of the night, he would have dealt with the issue even longer.

And there ya go. Proper parenting for a specific problem. That is EXACTLY the way I did it for my youngest when he had this problem. I figured it would help condition him to the feeling of having to go and waking up to do so. Yeah, it was troublesome to have my alarm go off at 1:30 a.m. and then AGAIN at 5:30 a.m. for work, but that's what you do when you love your children.

[fooled once]

Based on the OP's latest post, and assuming that information to be accurate, the pullup issue is just one element of a developmental environment that has problems all over the place.

 

This isn't just about giving a thumbs-up or thumbs-down to the idea of "a 7 year old wearing pullups". As others have pointed out, there are individual situations where that may be a viable option, in an otherwise supportive and considerate developmental environment.

 

The issue here is that it's an important developmental transition for kids to gradually take full responsibility for their bodily functions, and more broadly, their bodies. As a kid is ready and capable to take on more and more of those responsibilities, parents should assist and support where needed, and get out of the way otherwise. In the situation described though, the parents are actively exerting control over the children's bodily functions in situations where the kids are becoming capable of handling things themselves, impeding (or maybe even reversing?) normal developmental progress toward independent control and ownership of, and responsibility for, their bodies.

 

I don't like to think of where that path leads, developmentally, when you press the Fast Forward button and see how things turn out later in life.

 

Sadly, I'm going to bet that this is not just one isolated weirdness in an otherwise normal home - that this isn't the only developmental issue these kids and parents will stumble over...

 

"assuming the information to be accurate"?

 

What does that mean? Why would I post this if I wasn't going to be accurate?

 

No, this isn't the ONLY sad thing happening in this child's life. The parents are too busy hating each other and cheating on each other to worry about their child. The parents are too busy with their "careers" to care that their child spends more time with caregivers on a weekly basis (including weekends) than with her parents.

 

I fully support parents working - both parents. I don't support parents choosing jobs where they are out of the house from 10 am - 12 am (one of them) and 2:00 pm until 3:00 (am) the other one. When the parents are at home, they are asleep, because they are tired These two people never should have adopted this child since neither was willing to sacrifice for the child and even one of the parents stated "My child will learn to conform to my schedule and will not interfere with my life". How pathetic is that

 

Thanks for the posts and for the advice.

[Trimmer]

"assuming the information to be accurate"?

 

What does that mean? Why would I post this if I wasn't going to be accurate?

Hey, I'm sorry - I didn't mean anything by it. I'm just conditioned here on LS to be careful that when someone is talking second-hand about a situation, that we be careful about our assumptions, and I just "blurted" that out. No need to take offense. Basically what I was saying out loud, was what I always say in my head when I am investing time into an answer: "I assume this information is accurate, so I'll give my opinion." It added nothing to my post, and I should have self-edited. I wasn't trying to make a point, be sarcastic, or anything like that. I hope you will judge my post on the content and substance of the rest of it and forgive me for that awkward comment.

 

And in the end, it gives me no pleasure at all (but it was not unexpected) to hear that my guess, reading between the lines of your posts, was right - that this is but one of a number of issues in this family. Sad.

Edited January 8, 2011 by Trimmer
Tried to turn a "non-apology-apology" back into an "apology"

[whichwayisup]

Parents have demanded/taught kid that kid is never to leave the bedroom in the morning before 8 am.

 

This is alarming. And not right.

 

I feel for this youngster, poor little one.

[bentnotbroken]

These are some sorry excuses for parents.

[spiderowl]

There is nothing wrong with a 7-year-old wearing pulls ups in itself if she has an enuresis problem. My son had one for about 11 years and then sporadically after that until the age of 14. It seems to be hereditory in his father's side of the family. Thankfully, now, he's fine and no problem. It was stressful at the time though and pull-ups were a godsend.

 

It sounds like this is a different situation where the parents won't let the child go to the toilet. Is it dangerous for her to go to the bathroom at night for some reason? If not, why isn't she allowed to just go when she needs to? It could be that you are reading this situation wrong, that the child does have an enuresis problem and you are assuming the parents are forcing it on her somehow whereas they are just fed up with it and have realised that attending to her at night is not making any difference - they still end up with wet sheets and clothes. I have every sympathy with them if this is the case, but what baffles me more is that they won't let her take herself to the bathroom.

 

As I found, if your child has a genuine enuresis problem (and my son did which may be related to his autistic spectrum disorder), then the whole world feels they know better and that your training is at fault or you are a selfish parent for wanting to get a whole night's sleep. It's worth listening to what the parents are actually saying if they think the problem lies with the child. If you are not convinced or know different, then you may consider involving social services or a health visitor. Think carefully before doing this as you may be bringing even more pressure down on long-suffering parents.

Edited January 22, 2011 by spiderowl

[cmh2002]

I aggree there is nothing wrong with a 7yr old wearing pull ups if its because they can't physically stay dry. My son will be 9 in May and in just the past 4-5months has started staying dry most of the time at night, up until this point he had never had a dry night in his life no matter how hard he or I tried to help him. My oldest daughter will be 7 at the end of March and she still wakes up wet almost every night. She also wets herself during the day sometimes but we finally got a diagnosis of overactive bladder for her and we are working on finding the right medicine for her. She wears pull ups at night and knows its not because she is lazy or doesn't want to be dry because she very much so does, but her bladder isn't ready.. it runs on their dad's side of the family so I am not to worried about it. My youngest will be 3 at the end of April and she wears diapers at night and will do so until she can stay dry. I would much rather my kids wear pull ups than have to change the sheets all the time and have their self esteem suffer. All of my kids have great self esteems and aren't ashamed to wear pull ups at night. That being said if my child was able to stay dry at night I would not keep them in pull ups. My son had to go 1 week staying dry every night before we let him buy some boxers he wanted and let him wear them to bed.

I don't think its fair to make the child stay in their room until 8am. If i did that to my kids they would definately not be able to stay dry that whole time as my kids are up for the day almost always by 7:20am.

[Clep]

I am not at all surprised at this. I see lazy parents all the time that cause serious issues for their children.

 

I care for children for a living and have for many years. I currently have a five year old child who still has his bm's in his pants. They used to feel he has a behavior disorder, a medical disorder for his bm issues and he has free government aids and therapists that come to his home daily to work with him.

 

After a month with me, he is very well behaved and a lovely child. He does not go in his pants at my house, and is not misbehaved at all, but is still the same with the aids as well as his parents. It is so very sad to see this child being crippled like this. If he had these disorders they would not be disappearing in my care and not in the care of others. It is a parenting issue and an issue of everyone trying to find out what is "wrong" with him. Now that his parents see how he is with me, they expect he same from him when he is with them. Too bad they don't expect change from themselves to aid him in this unrealistic quest they expect of him.

 

All he needed was gentle direction, consistency, and someone to set firm boundaries for him that actually have a reasonable consequence the FIRST time, not the tenth.

 

I find it very common for lazy parenting to affect children in such a poor way. How sad this child can't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom. :(

[Tayla]

Trimmer- in reading your commentary I too was sitting on the fence so to speak. I think its wise sometimes to gather information (facts, data, different points of view) before summerizing and concluding what may be the way of choice. I think that was what you were saying with the phrase "more accurate information." I didnt see it as you challenging the truth of the OP so much as wishing to gather more data.

 

ANyways...because of that...I cannot in good faith make or form a clear opinion of the matter and feel only sorry that a child is being hindered in some ways from being independent with there own body.

[Puffys52]

If the child is experiencing bedwetting which can't be cured overnight, i think its good she remains in diapers/pullups. But if this is lazy parenting and not taking her to the toilet when needed, they are affecting her growth and she may ultimately in the future be needing pullups when she is older too. I do hope you inform someone like social services or at least talk to the parents about the situation.

[sb129]

I am not at all surprised at this. I see lazy parents all the time that cause serious issues for their children.

 

I care for children for a living and have for many years. I currently have a five year old child who still has his bm's in his pants. They used to feel he has a behavior disorder, a medical disorder for his bm issues and he has free government aids and therapists that come to his home daily to work with him.

 

After a month with me, he is very well behaved and a lovely child. He does not go in his pants at my house, and is not misbehaved at all, but is still the same with the aids as well as his parents. It is so very sad to see this child being crippled like this. If he had these disorders they would not be disappearing in my care and not in the care of others. It is a parenting issue and an issue of everyone trying to find out what is "wrong" with him. Now that his parents see how he is with me, they expect he same from him when he is with them. Too bad they don't expect change from themselves to aid him in this unrealistic quest they expect of him.

 

All he needed was gentle direction, consistency, and someone to set firm boundaries for him that actually have a reasonable consequence the FIRST time, not the tenth.

 

I find it very common for lazy parenting to affect children in such a poor way. How sad this child can't even get out of bed to go to the bathroom. :(

 

Is anyone helping the parents change in the scenario you described?