Guitarjeff Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I love reading this forum, but I can't help having trouble getting interested when i start reading a post and I realize that it's a high school kid talking about LDR troubles, but when i read it really has nothing to do with LDR but simply kids being kids. Any others here have trouble accepting all LDR posts as equal? I am late 40's and so is my girlfriend, and it's tough to read LDR problems and then find out it's a couple 17 year olds. Kind of wish they would have two sections here, one for plus 30 and one for below 30 years old. Do the young folks have this problem in the reverse? Are they disinterested in the 40 something stories?
Els Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I, for one, think it's unfair to lump the 20+ year olds in with the 17 year olds. There are many posters here - Rollercoasterr, Ashbash, and myself, just to name a few, who are 20+ and are dealing/have dealt with relationship problems that are really no different from those of 30+ year old adults.
Taucher Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Interesting question. As a 30 year old I might start to be taken seriously around about now! But as a 19 year old, I started a relationship with an 18 year old girl who lived in the far north or England...we met in a bar in London by chance. We were together for 5 years and she moved to London to be with me. At the time, I thought she was the one and all that...as I get older, I question what I was like at that age and wonder why we stayed together for so long. However, I think it would be unfair to tar everyone with the same brush as people are different. But no, I dont take all the posts as seriously. I tend to switch off from posts where the couple have not even met. I just dont see how the attraction and togetherness of a couple can be the same when they have never met. Never happened to me though so maybe I just dont understand.
creighton0123 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Jeff, While I don't see anything potentially wrong with younger LDR couples, the differences, flags, and expectations in those relationships are somewhat different. A young couple in an LDR (some on this forum) often meet in high school and agree to continue dating when one or both go off to college. They can be romantically immature, not having experienced much in the ways of sex and romance. The problems tend to be those faced by younger couples, mostly dealing with trust and insecurity. At the same time, there are couples who are in LDR's who have met online and only online. I tend not to participate in those posts or offer my own insight since I don't know how a relationship builds having never experienced physical contact - it simply hasn't happened to me. I'm not sure if it's because of jealousy, but I also often ignore posts by LDR couples who consider a one hour or two hour drive "long distance". I think it's just jealousy, since my boyfriend is away for 11 more months teaching in Japan and I'm on the east coast (1 hour drive to the airport, 14 hour flight with a 2 hour layover, a three hour train ride, a 45 minute walk, and $1200 away from me). An ex boyfriend of mine used to live two hours away. We saw one another every weekend, alternating who traveled to the other. I never considered that relationship "long distance". As for our stories, Jeff, while I am only 26, the long distance relationship I have with my boyfriend is not much different than other older LDR couples on here. In fact, I might have a positive leg up knowing that come next November, my LDR boyfriend will simply become my boyfriend. Once he's done with his contract, he'll return to the city we both live in and neither of us will have to relocate. That's why I feel the most important factor in any long distance relationship is a planned end to the long distance. I don't understand, having not experienced it, LDR couples who don't know when or if they will reunite for good.
folieadeux Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) Very interesting topic Jeff. I tend to lose interest in the threads where couples haven't met yet in real life or have no plans of doing so in the near future. I too have an issue with the "shorter" distance some people flip out over. My thing is, if you can see each other every weekend and are only separated by an hour or two's drive, then that really isn't long distance. But that's just my opinion, which is most likely fueled a bit by jealousy. As far as the age topic goes, I try not to judge. However, an LDR with younger kids is definitely different than the issues older, more established people face for sure. Teenagers attempting an LDR oftentimes simply don't have the resources to sustain the relationship for a multitude of reasons, thus making their set of circumstances a bit more unique. But apart from a few minor differences, I really feel when it all comes down to it, we're all in the same boat and I try to give advice based upon the situation, not the poster's age. Immaturity runs the gamut of the age pool that's for sure. Hope everything’s going well for you and your SO Jeff. I haven’t seen you around in awhile. Edited January 5, 2011 by folieadeux
Ashbash11 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 As Elswyth said, there are several of us who are in our mid 20's, and our relationship issues are just as serious as those who are 30+.. I definitely stand by that. In terms of LDR posters who are in high school, this is a community forum, and anyone has a right to post here.. If you aren't interested in someone's post because they are young, then you have a choice to skip it! It's that simple.
nemi26 Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Interesting question. As a 30 year old I might start to be taken seriously around about now! But as a 19 year old, I started a relationship with an 18 year old girl who lived in the far north or England...we met in a bar in London by chance. We were together for 5 years and she moved to London to be with me. At the time, I thought she was the one and all that...as I get older, I question what I was like at that age and wonder why we stayed together for so long. However, I think it would be unfair to tar everyone with the same brush as people are different. But no, I dont take all the posts as seriously. I tend to switch off from posts where the couple have not even met. I just dont see how the attraction and togetherness of a couple can be the same when they have never met. Never happened to me though so maybe I just dont understand. I kinda agree with this, i woudn't go out with someone and class them as my boyfriend before meeting because you don't know if you connect as more than friends in real life.. yes online there is a lot of attraction and LUST but not love. I find it silly that people get together before they meet if you really liked the person, you'd do your best to meet them and if you feel like the other person isnt putting the effort in to meet then its not meant to be and just move on i guess
aisle_seat Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 (edited) An interesting observation and something that has crossed my mind. As an earlier poster stated, if I start noticing repeated bad grammar, punctuation and/or text-speak, I tend to lose interest as it is obviously a kid with whose troubles I just cannot relate to. The LDR issues of teenagers, as was also mentioned above, are usually quite different that those of us older folks although they have as much right to post as anyone else. I just don't have to read them which is my right. And also agreed; a couple-hour ride in a car does not an LDR make. IMO, anything less than a day's travel by car just not require the same effort to maintain a relationship nor present the same problems as those of us struggling with finances, air travel, hotels, schedules, etc. I don't mean to down-play the difficulties of people whose SO's are not in their immediate vicinity. Certainly even being just a few hours away can pose its share of challenges. Edited January 5, 2011 by aisle_seat
Els Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Well, I think the distance thing is relative. It all depends on what you're used to. I used to be in a 10-hour-flight distance LDR. But right now that we're living together, if you told me we had to be a 3-hour drive apart, I'd go, "OMG LDR, not again!!"
Faded_x Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 Well, I think the distance thing is relative. Exactly. Mine was only a 5 hour car ride (8 hours by train- which is the way I travelled) and we are in the same country and state. However, we still had difficulties coordinating even that sometimes. I'm a broke uni student, so even the train and general travelling expenses was too much for me something. Not to mention scheduling conflicts that we had to work around. You can be only 2 hours away from each other, and it may as well be 20 if you just can't afford it or work around it. As for teens, I have no problem with them. I'm only 21 myself, and started a LDR when I was 18/19. I certainly didn't think of my relationship as child-like in comparison to older couples. I also felt my problems were similar and just as important.
Romance Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I mean, I am only 20 so I do have some issues as to if this is all worth it/going to even work out cause we haven't experienced other people. As for the older folks on here, you guys have experienced other relationships and are out in the world, so you know you're in the LD because you REALLY want that person. As for me, when I am 25 I could be a different person and not even be in love with him anymore..but I am sure not going to wait five years and drag out the LD. I think I rambled but basically yes me being young changes my dynamics of it being permanent A LOT and it changes if I should really move. As for the older ones, it seems like their move will most definitely be permanent
Author Guitarjeff Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 Looks like I started a good thread. yes, my initial point in the thread was that it's just hard to read a long post by a troubled person afraid that they are about to lose the love of their life, the person they are to grow old with and love for all time, and then find out they are stiull in high school. It makes me want to scream "Hey, you are not having real problems here from distance, you are having problems, uh, BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND ARE STILL CHILDREN!!! Yes, everyone has a right to post here and we don't have to read what we don't want to read, it's just that you sometimes have to read a long post only then to realize it's from a kid still in high school having the same problems any other 17 year old kids have in a relationship. Yeah, same on the ones that are only a couple hours of car ride away from each other, hard to take those problems seriously.
Author Guitarjeff Posted January 8, 2011 Author Posted January 8, 2011 "Hope everything’s going well for you and your SO Jeff. I haven’t seen you around in awhile." Doing alright here. thanks for asking. Been busy with sickness in the family (brother with a heart bypass) and such. I started volunteering at our hospital and I have been doing that now for over a month twice per week. I have also played live music in the cafeteria as my volunteering shift a couple times and they have really loved it. SO and I haven't been able to see each other for five months now but we will be setting up a trip soon. She's a bit jealous about me playing music at the hospital but she has nothing to worry about as I am a loyal person. Yeah, all in all things are going well. Hope you are doing good.
HeavenOrHell Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 I agree, without wanting to be patronising to younger couples, but I don't take teenagers in r/ships as seriously as adults. Looks like I started a good thread. yes, my initial point in the thread was that it's just hard to read a long post by a troubled person afraid that they are about to lose the love of their life, the person they are to grow old with and love for all time, and then find out they are stiull in high school. It makes me want to scream "Hey, you are not having real problems here from distance, you are having problems, uh, BECAUSE YOU AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND ARE STILL CHILDREN!!! Yes, everyone has a right to post here and we don't have to read what we don't want to read, it's just that you sometimes have to read a long post only then to realize it's from a kid still in high school having the same problems any other 17 year old kids have in a relationship. Yeah, same on the ones that are only a couple hours of car ride away from each other, hard to take those problems seriously.
folieadeux Posted January 8, 2011 Posted January 8, 2011 "Hope everything’s going well for you and your SO Jeff. I haven’t seen you around in awhile." Doing alright here. thanks for asking. Been busy with sickness in the family (brother with a heart bypass) and such. I started volunteering at our hospital and I have been doing that now for over a month twice per week. I have also played live music in the cafeteria as my volunteering shift a couple times and they have really loved it. SO and I haven't been able to see each other for five months now but we will be setting up a trip soon. She's a bit jealous about me playing music at the hospital but she has nothing to worry about as I am a loyal person. Yeah, all in all things are going well. Hope you are doing good. Wishing your brother a speedy recovery!! I'm doing good too thanks...hope you and your SO get to see each other again real soon. Be sure to tell her not to stress over the gigs too much, it's all part of the territory of dating a musician.
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