Emotional rollercoaster. Is he seeing someone behind my back?

[Yeahsussu]

I´ve been in a relationship with my BF for almost 2,5 years now. Most of that time has been long distance relationship, but now I´ve lived with him for a year and everything has been lovely up till last month. We´re from separate countries and I have to go home in 3 weeks as my visa expires.

 

He´s been acting very weird and distant for about a month now, he can snap at me for a single little thing, he doesn´t wanna cuddle or be close to me. He´s been on sickleave since beginning of December, and I´m not working so we´ve been home together every day and I guess it was a bit too much, we kinda stepped on each others toes, as the place we live in is not very big.

 

I´ve known something is up, and I never thought I would do this but I looked at the messages on his phone and he had some texts from a girl that asked why he hadn´t broken up with me yet, that he should have told me that it´s not working so i could´ve gone home. She also wrote that he said it was only gonna be for three months (our relationship i guess), but now it´s been a year. He had also written one txt where it said that he miss her, he calls her babe, but also wrote "i thought we were over all this".

 

I don´t know how serious it is, but it turned my stomach upsidedown when I read it. I love him with all my heart, I would do anything for him, I gave up my life at home and came to his country to be with him, and this is what I get? I thought and felt as he was the one!

 

How do I confront him about this, without accusing him too much, cause I don´t know all the details. He won´t be happy about me looking at his messages, but what should I do?

[PegNosePete]

Sorry to say, he is definitely cheating on you.

 

How do I confront him about this, without accusing him too much, cause I don´t know all the details. He won´t be happy about me looking at his messages, but what should I do?

You say "Look you cheating b****** get lost I never want to see you again".

You know all the details you need to: he is cheating. He will most likely lie and lie and lie if you ask him about it, so there's no point.

You just need to go back to your country and re-build your life without this loser. You deserve better.

[Yeahsussu]

But the thing is this girl lives on the other side of the country (i´m oretty sure), so it´s not like he can see her every weekend or so. I asked him yesterday what was wrong, cause he snapped at me for every single little thing. He said nothing was wrong and he apologized and felt bad, and then he was really cuddly after that, and has been quite "normal" today as well. We´re going on a short trip in a few days and I don´t wanna talk to him about this before that, it would ruin the trip otherwise. After that i only have 1,5 week left in this country.

 

He doesn´t get messages from this girl that often, I just saw a few in his phone, one of them was about what I wrote above, and the rest of the msg were pretty much only about music etc. I don´t wanna believe he is cheating, I don´t know how he possibly could do that to me, but I guess Im blind to the truth at the moment...

[PegNosePete]

But the thing is this girl lives on the other side of the country.

it´s not like he can see her every weekend or so.

So it's OK if he only sexes her once a month??????

You yourself were in an LDR with him for 1.5 years. If he had a GF during that time, would you not consider his relationship with you to be cheating on her?

An emotional affair is just as bad as a physical one.

 

I asked him yesterday what was wrong, cause he snapped at me for every single little thing. He said nothing was wrong and he apologized and felt bad, and then he was really cuddly after that, and has been quite "normal" today as well. We´re going on a short trip in a few days and I don´t wanna talk to him about this before that, it would ruin the trip otherwise. After that i only have 1,5 week left in this country.

You tipped him off that he's acting weird. He is either feeling guilty for lying to you, or (more likely) he is smokescreening. He will probably tighten his security now that he suspects you know, he will delete texts and emails, password protect his phone, keep it close 24/7 etc.

Well if you want to stay with a cheater for your trip and 1.5 weeks after, then that's up to you... personally I would call him out now, tell him he's dumped, and get the next flight back.

 

I don´t wanna believe he is cheating, I don´t know how he possibly could do that to me, but I guess Im blind to the truth at the moment...

Nobody wants to believe their partner is cheating. But disbelieving it doesn't make it not true. It's just denial.

[PegNosePete]

Double post

Edited January 4, 2011 by PegNosePete

[Shindig]

Distance doesn't seem to be an issue for this guy and his relationships. He's been stringing you and another girl along for some time now.... You deserve someone who cares about you enough not to cheat. As your love/attachment for him wears thin, you'll realize you're wasting your time trying to patch it up instead of finding someone who really cares for you.