ivalm Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If a girl refused to cook at all, it would be a turn off. If a girl cooks for me and does so moderately well, it would be a HUGE TURN ON! Seriously, I do think at some point in LTR there will be separation of labor. For example, a stay at home wife should not only take care of the kids but also cook dinner and look after the house. I think the tradition of dinner, as an event which unites the family every day, is very important. Again, while dating/short term I think cooking should be done equally by both partners. Cooking together is ALWAYS fun if there is time!
Distant78 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect a woman to do that, especially if she wants us to complete our "traditional roles" in the relationship. If I'm working my butt off at work and you're just sitting at home looking at your feet, watching TV and being on the phone with your family and friends for 10 hours, you can at least get off your azz and make me a quick 15-minute meal before I come home. Ya'll women expect us men to have a good dyckgame and listen to you blabber your mouths all night after a hard day of work, well we have our expectations also.
musemaj11 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. My dream woman is a woman who is a great cook. But its just a fantasy.
Eeyore79 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I'm female and a reasonably decent cook. I actually don't mind cooking for my partner because I enjoy cooking more than some other chores. It seems like a fair division of labor if I do the cooking and he does other chores like washing dishes and mowing the lawn. But... I still think a guy needs to know how to cook to some degree. When my ex went to college aged 18 he was unable to cook, and he spent the next six years living on breakfast cereal, ramen noodles and hot dogs, until he met me and I started cooking his dinners. The deal was supposedly that I cooked and he did dishes, except half of the time he was too lazy to do the dishes, so I became increasingly resentful about him not doing his share of the chores. If I was ill, I still had to drag myself out of bed and cook dinner for us both, because he was completely incapable of cooking a basic meal for us (he was probably just too lazy to cook anything except hot dogs). After two years I got sick of having to take care of him; he was a burden on me, so I dumped him. If he had cooked dinner even once when I was ill or something, or even if he had made an effort to do the dishes, I might have felt differently.
krz12 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Women who cannot cook should at least learn how to clean.
alphamale Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Any guys find this to be a turn off? I definitely do. Growing up, my mom didn't cook and I vowed that I would never marry a woman that didn't know how to cook. Women expect men to be able to do certain things, so I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect your wife to know how to cook. I'm not talking about cooking like a chef. Just knowing the basics and able to be self-sufficient. Fortunately, I am able to cook and I believe it's a skill that is required if you want to be independent, male or female. women should be able to cook, period.
sweetjasmine Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Yeah, I don't really get the "can't" part. I mean, yes, if I met a human being who was actually flummoxed by boiling water or using a knife or something. . . I'd be turned off. Because they'd have to be pretty dumb to really feel they "can't" make a pot of pasta. You'd be surprised. It's not really a matter of "can't" but "have never done it." Back in college, an acquaintance of mine who grew up in a fairly wealthy family in a traditional country had never boiled water and made pasta in his life, and the first time he did it (with the help and guidance of a stunned friend) he was 21 years old. My brother is almost 30 and there are two kitchen appliances he knows how to use: the microwave (for frozen food or leftovers) and the coffeemaker. He learned how to use the latter maybe 1-2 years ago. Throughout his whole life, he's had mom or his girlfriend prepare food for him or he's run out to buy McDonald's or a sandwich instead. I would find that a huge turn-off. My SO and I both enjoy cooking, but if I had to do what my brother's girlfriend does -- prepare food every single day for someone who refuses to learn even the most basic cooking skills and then sometimes get criticized for the food not being good enough -- I'd be out the door immediately. I want a partner, not a child, and I want to be with someone who feels the same way.
AverageJoe Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Any guys find this to be a turn off? I definitely do. Growing up, my mom didn't cook and I vowed that I would never marry a woman that didn't know how to cook. Women expect men to be able to do certain things, so I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect your wife to know how to cook. I'm not talking about cooking like a chef. Just knowing the basics and able to be self-sufficient. Fortunately, I am able to cook and I believe it's a skill that is required if you want to be independent, male or female. Nah, it dont bother me. I have normally found I cook better than them, anyway. Ever look at a girl and say, I am making a roux? They sometimes have that look of confusion.
sweetjasmine Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Ever look at a girl and say, I am making a roux? They sometimes have that look of confusion. You've never had one ask if you knew the difference between a roux and a beurre manié? I don't believe you.
zengirl Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 You're still creating an argument. Just because I said at the very end that everyone should know how to cook, doesn't mean my thread is misognyist. Multiple female posters have stated there is nothing wrong with this thread. The fact that you and a few others are defensive and are trying to turn an otherwise civil debate into a sexist Mad Max thread shows that you are the ones with issues, not me or the few that came to my defense. When did I say it was "misogynist" at all? I asked why bring gender into it, but I never accused you of hating women or anything. I merely pointed out the things you said that made it about gender, more so than just because you date women. You made it about stereotypes, with the things you wrote. I've no issue with a thread about cooking, even one about cooking and women. . . but one that starts with someone saying wives should be able to cook and starting out with gender expectations is already an argument. I disagree with your attitude towards it. And I don't know why you say "otherwise civil" as I've not been uncivil about it. Disagreeing with you, even vehemently, and pointing out the ways I find your post objectionable is not uncivil. I do agree that if a woman insists a man play his traditional roles she should do the same as well. Well, sure, but I think both cases are equally sad. Whenever anyone wants an entire gender---or even their partner of said gender---to be in a box because of their gender, that's odd and sad. That's not to say that liking a woman that cooks is odd and sad. Of course, cooking is a lovely skill. I just find phrasing that makes it about gender over the top.
AverageJoe Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 You've never had one ask if you knew the difference between a roux and a beurre manié? I don't believe you. I must admit, if that were to happen. I would be floored and elated at the same time. Then I would want to rub butter all over her.
JaneDoe35 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I enjoy cooking so much. Couldn't imagine not being able to. I am a foodie I guess. Love trying out new recipes and will always give any meal a try if I am out. Cooking for a man is pleasurable for me. I find it very satisfying. Also love cooking together. I had a man make me a lovely spanish omlette for breakfast recently. I helped a little - didn't want to get in the way. Beautiful. I believe that being able to cook is an important life skill.
Author Mad Max Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 When did I say it was "misogynist" at all? I asked why bring gender into it, but I never accused you of hating women or anything. I merely pointed out the things you said that made it about gender, more so than just because you date women. You made it about stereotypes, with the things you wrote. I've no issue with a thread about cooking, even one about cooking and women. . . but one that starts with someone saying wives should be able to cook and starting out with gender expectations is already an argument. I disagree with your attitude towards it. And I don't know why you say "otherwise civil" as I've not been uncivil about it. Disagreeing with you, even vehemently, and pointing out the ways I find your post objectionable is not uncivil. Actions speak louder than words. Not to mention that other female posters defended my thread.
zengirl Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Actions speak louder than words. Not to mention that other female posters defended my thread. What actions? There are no actions on a message board. Sure, some women don't mind what you said. I did, so I said so. What's your point?
Woggle Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 To me it's not about cooking but having a woman who does not think it is beneath her to please her man because I do not think it is beneath me to please her. If her kitchen skills are not great she can splurge at a great restaurant or do something nice for me. I think that is where this cooking thing comes from with so may men. Many women feel that doing anything nice for a man makes them a slave so when is willing to cook it means a lot to us.
zengirl Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 To me it's not about cooking but having a woman who does not think it is beneath her to please her man because I do not think it is beneath me to please her. If her kitchen skills are not great she can splurge at a great restaurant or do something nice for me. I think that is where this cooking thing comes from with so may men. Many women feel that doing anything nice for a man makes them a slave so when is willing to cook it means a lot to us. Even I get that, in theory, Woggle, but it quite frequently seems so gross when the men on here say it. I mean, I love pleasing my BF. But he would never want me to do anything because he thinks "women" or "wives" or whatever should do it.
JaneDoe35 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Ooohhhh - sparks are flying. I think you two really like each other.
Distant78 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Many women feel that doing anything nice for a man makes them a slave so when is willing to cook it means a lot to us. And that woman is not good to be around if they want to be so selfish and not cook a simple meal and not be happy to do something for their loved ones after they work their asses off from a hard day of work.
sally4sara Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 The belief that cooking is somehow a more important skill for a woman no longer applies. Working outside of the home is would be lovely to have your other half making their contribution include cooking. But most couples get by now only with both working outside of the home. They both come home at the end of the day and if there is always only one of them asking "so whats for dinner tonight?" under the thin excuse of "I can't cook" - BS. Anyone can cook. Its not brain surgery. Millions of recipes online to help someone willing to figure it out. After a while "whats for dinner tonight?" begins to sound more like a big old FU. Through reciprocity, equal partners don't even think about this subject.
AverageJoe Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 . After a while "whats for dinner tonight?" begins to sound more like a big old FU. Through reciprocity, equal partners don't even think about this subject. Much like taking out the garbage. I take out the garbage when I damn well please. Carry on.
Stung Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 It's a relationship booster when the man can cook but I believe its the womans duty is to cook or learn to prepare meals for her family. Just like its the mans duty to rearrange her furniture or change a flat tire in the rain. I know whats expected of us and women should too. jus sayin Meh, I didn't think the thread itself was misogynist, and I could care less what anyone's preferences are in a mate, as a general rule. I was not much of a cook at all until I got a little more interested in it when I was practically 30, so perhaps I should take it as a compliment that it never seemed to impact my dating life negatively, as one poster suggested. The above-quoted post did make me laugh, however. Last time I checked, very few men were expected to change tires in the rain or move heavy household furniture around three times per day. In the years we've been together, my husband has changed exactly one tire, and I wasn't even with him that day--and the only times he's moved furniture around, I was moving it also, as we were moving house or renovating. Granted, there was that one time when I was pregnant, but he didn't want my help that time. There are moving dollies and furniture sliders out there in the world, just FYI. Moving stuff is definitely not my favorite pastime but a little leverage is all that's needed to move a heavy object if you're prepared for the task. Anyway. I cook basic meals around my house--pastas, scrambles, stir-frys, quesadillas, a few crockpot specialties, etc. I throw together big salads and assemble a lot of picnic meals: fresh fruits, cheeses, crusty breads, cold cuts, olives. I'm pretty good at baking breads. Every once in a while I get some kind of culinary bug up my butt and spend a few days getting very experimental in the kitchen, with sometimes glorious and sometimes downright awful results. But that's definitely not what I really bring to the table in my marriage, and my husband is a much better cook than I am. He cooks about 50% of the time because he enjoys it more than I do, and his meals are usually more complex. I've been buying him slots in cooking classes, occasionally, he's quite the foodie and he's really enjoying it. I have agreed to go to a couples cooking class with him, but I'm not interested in pursuing it too much on my own. I've suggested if he wants to surprise me with some classes (it's hard for us to make time for this kind of thing, since we have young kids) I'd be interested in photography, or wines-making, or catching up on some of the languages I used to study.
MrNate Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Hey fellas, remember a man who can cook comes only second to a man who can clean.
threebyfate Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 A friend of mine can't cook or clean and neither can her husband. When their live-in domestic help came down with the flu, she wondered if they should move into a hotel until her housekeeper got better. We shamed her into staying home and at least cleaning up. For meals they either ate out, brought them home or had them delivered. This thread is no different than the men should know how to fix things thread. Both genders should know how to facilitate basic living skills. H. is our grill guy and can cook but it's pretty basic stuff. I love to cook, especially when it's for an appreciative and hungry husband. But I don't do it to please him. I do it for myself since it makes me happy to see him happy. Anyone who believes they do things to please others really aren't seeing their own inner satisfaction. These are the same people who end up as suffering martyrs even though it's their own need to feel needed.
elaina Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 It's no big deal to want to marry a woman who can cook. There are many women who would like to marry a man who can cook as well. The only issue is when people are cruel to each other. For example, one friend of mine used to live in fear that her husband wouldn't like what she cooked, cause when he was drunk, he didn't like anything and would get very angry and yell and cuss at her. (When he wasn't drunk, then he would not complain about her cooking, but he did always demand her to cook for him.) So, sure it's wonderful when people can cook or do cook, but many times the issue isn't so much if people can or will, but if both appreciate each other and if both makes each other comfortable and not on the edge of fear.
USCGAviator Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Why women should take charge in the kitchen lol
Recommended Posts