soleharmony1123 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 (edited) My ex broke up with me over 11 months ago - on January 26, 2010. It is now a few weeks shy of a year since the breakup. How am I doing? Well, at first I was doing fine, except I didn't realize I should have implemented No Contact (NC) as soon as he said goodbye that day. But instead, I entertained his calls, tried to read meaning into every phone conversation (for which he gave me every reason) where he was confusing me and stringing me along calling me "Baby," "Sweetie" "Cutie" all the little pet names he used for me. This went on a few weeks until I started researching the terms NC, LC and ENC. The information was an eye-opener. So, after some careful reading & determining what was credible from all the "knock-off" information, I registered with 2 other support sites, along with LS. As you can see from my "Join Date" it took me about a month from the breakup to get it together and start NC. NC made me feel like I got my power back and it put me in a position where I actually began to feel more like the dumper instead of the dumpee. And I've been on that roller coaster ride ever since...a pure he!! of my own making. But not because of NC...because of ME. As I mentioned, I wanted to analyze and read something into every VM left by my Ex, every text message he'd send and thus my emotional train wreck began. So...... This is my warning to Newbies - Go NC and stay NC...no FB stalking, don't check his/her email, limit contact with their friends, family, etc. His friends and family may feel they're doing you a favor when they inform you that your Ex is now seeing someone else, is about to get married in 10 days from the date of your breakup or whatever "useful" info they relay to you. Do not weaken once you have decided NC is for you. It's going to hurt, it will feel very uncomfortable - not because your heart is breaking...okay, that may be part of the reason... but also because you'll be well on your way to the healing process. It will hurt awhile but if you stick to NC, the pain will eventually lessen and you'll begin to feel much better. I did get that far...for a time. But then I slipped...I've slipped several times - the irony is that my NC breaks are not due to me contacting my EX but the other way around. I don't have any inclination to call him. He wanted the breakup, so be it. But dumpers don't always play fair. They have to try and draw you out. If they have to lie and say they miss you, want to hear your voice, they love you but they're confused...that's the level to which they'll stoop. Anytime to try to "hook" you in again. And the self-centered, egotistical ones just have to feel they have you on a string. They'll keep throwing "crumbs" out there for you. Do not accept those crumbs! It's all or nothing for those who may wish to reconcile later if their Exes get their act together. It's a long road...fasten your NC belt! Edited January 3, 2011 by soleharmony1123
Author soleharmony1123 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 I forgot to mention that after 3.5 successful months of NC, I broke NC because my Ex had called & left a VM asking to 'bury the hatchet.' Knowing this would assist me even further in moving on, I texted him a simple "I agree - hatchet buried." My next NC break (which I'll call a "constructive NC break" ) was on Friday when I sent him an email that clearly detailed to him that I wish to receive no further communication from him. True to form, he called me the next day all about him - telling me I was "breaking his heart." Selfish dumper - it doesn't matter the pain or hurt he caused me in the breakup, all that matter is what I've done to him. I don't believe in stooping to someone else's level of negative behaviors, but in this instance, if my Ex feels even 1/2 the pain I felt, I'm vindicated. My ex broke up with me over 11 months ago - on January 26, 2010. It is now a few weeks shy of a year since the breakup. How am I doing? Well, at first I was doing fine, except I didn't realize I should have implemented No Contact (NC) as soon as he said goodbye that day. But instead, I entertained his calls, tried to read meaning into every phone conversation (for which he gave me every reason) where he was confusing me and stringing me along calling me "Baby," "Sweetie" "Cutie" all the little pet names he used for me. This went on a few weeks until I started researching the terms NC, LC and ENC. The information was an eye-opener. So, after some careful reading & determining what was credible from all the "knock-off" information, I registered with 2 other support sites, along with LS. As you can see from my "Join Date" it took me about a month from the breakup to get it together and start NC. NC made me feel like I got my power back and it put me in a position where I actually began to feel more like the dumper instead of the dumpee. And I've been on that roller coaster ride ever since...a pure he!! of my own making. But not because of NC...because of ME. As I mentioned, I wanted to analyze and read something into every VM left by my Ex, every text message he'd send and thus my emotional train wreck began. So...... This is my warning to Newbies - Go NC and stay NC...no FB stalking, don't check his/her email, limit contact with their friends, family, etc. His friends and family may feel they're doing you a favor when they inform you that your Ex is now seeing someone else, is about to get married in 10 days from the date of your breakup or whatever "useful" info they relay to you. Do not weaken once you have decided NC is for you. It's going to hurt, it will feel very uncomfortable - not because your heart is breaking...okay, that may be part of the reason... but also because you'll be well on your way to the healing process. It will hurt awhile but if you stick to NC, the pain will eventually lessen and you'll begin to feel much better. I did get that far...for a time. But then I slipped...I've slipped several times - the irony is that my NC breaks are not due to me contacting my EX but the other way around. I don't have any inclination to call him. He wanted the breakup, so be it. But dumpers don't always play fair. They have to try and draw you out. If they have to lie and say they miss you, want to hear your voice, they love you but they're confused...that's the level to which they'll stoop. Anytime to try to "hook" you in again. And the self-centered, egotistical ones just have to feel they have you on a string. They'll keep throwing "crumbs" out there for you. Do not accept those crumbs! It's all or nothing for those who may wish to reconcile later if their Exes get their act together. It's a long road...fasten your NC belt!
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