Lishy Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I am in the weirdest situation ever! I have been 'seeing'? this guy for a month now, we speak every day, he takes me out, he cooks me dinner, I cook him dinner, we talk for hours on end and share stuff about our pasts ... We went out on night a week ago and ended up kissing for the first time! Yes the FIRST Time! It went much further and we ended up having sex and since then he rings far more often and sees me far more often We do coupley things like take the dog for a walk, he is concerned about me and vice versa. There is just no intimacy apart from that night! No hand holding, no touching but there are looks between us if you know what I mean When he leaves he kisses me on the mouth and that is it. It is a slightly lingering kiss but a peck on the mouth nonetheless! Never in my life have I been in this position! Help me out here Of course I know you will all say just talk to him and I will when the time is right, what I really want from posting this is to find out if any of you have been in this weird position before
Art_Critic Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Next time you kiss him goodnight.. If you want to give him the green light maybe he needs more of a push.. kiss him and unzip his pants, then blow him..... that will turn it around It sounds to me like he is still taking it slow, has he been in any relationships before ?
Author Lishy Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Next time you kiss him goodnight.. If you want to give him the green light maybe he needs more of a push.. kiss him and unzip his pants, then blow him..... that will turn it around It sounds to me like he is still taking it slow, has he been in any relationships before ? Hey Art ... HNY!! Yeah if I said "Oi drop your strides and let me suck it" that may help things hahaha:eek: Its so weird cos its like he is far more interested since the sex but still no touchy feely stuff and no real kissing! I took the lead on the first kiss which lead to the sex so I cant keep doing it I cant get my head around it, I will ask him soon I just want to see what occurs in the meantime He split with the mother of his child a year ago
Author Lishy Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 I think he could just see me as a companion, someone to spend some time with ....
paddington bear Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I went out with a guy who had a problem with being intimate, in terms of kisses, cuddles etc. Firstly his family didn't indulge in that kind of thing. Secondly when I asked him about it he said for him, it was always a prelude to sex. He couldn't seem to separate being affectionate from that leading to sex.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 He sounds kind of like me. I have no problem getting girls into bed, but I always make hand holding, cuddling, little kisses, and other stuff like that really awkward. Also, pretty much any sexual contact leads to sex, or at least makes me crave it; kissing for longer than 5 seconds gets me ready and I'm generally not satisfied for an hour or two minimum, so I steer away from it unless we can have sex. One thing I used to do with my ex was massage her a lot, and as long as I did it in the living room, I was able to control myself and not start kissing her neck. Hand holding has always been very awkward for me, as strange as that may sound. I never know how to start, or how to hold, or how far to walk apart from each other. Just feels weird, but I like doing it. I just reread your first post, and it's almost how my ex and I started, to a T. He wouldn't be cooking dinner for you if he didn't really like you. I think cooking for someone is intimate, and I would never cook for someone that I didn't like a lot. I realize that's not a normal view, but it seems like me and him have similar behavior patterns, so, something to think about.
Author Lishy Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 I went out with a guy who had a problem with being intimate, in terms of kisses, cuddles etc. Firstly his family didn't indulge in that kind of thing. Secondly when I asked him about it he said for him, it was always a prelude to sex. He couldn't seem to separate being affectionate from that leading to sex. I know he comes from a cold family, not lots of love shown ... WHat happened with your guy Padd? How do I go about just asking him without looking like a fool? I have just this second had a memory, when I first met him back in the summer he said he hates holding hands, it was just a general comment in context and nothing was happening with us then He sounds kind of like me. I have no problem getting girls into bed, but I always make hand holding, cuddling, little kisses, and other stuff like that really awkward. Also, pretty much any sexual contact leads to sex, or at least makes me crave it; kissing for longer than 5 seconds gets me ready and I'm generally not satisfied for an hour or two minimum, so I steer away from it unless we can have sex. One thing I used to do with my ex was massage her a lot, and as long as I did it in the living room, I was able to control myself and not start kissing her neck. Hand holding has always been very awkward for me, as strange as that may sound. I never know how to start, or how to hold, or how far to walk apart from each other. Just feels weird, but I like doing it. I just reread your first post, and it's almost how my ex and I started, to a T. He wouldn't be cooking dinner for you if he didn't really like you. I think cooking for someone is intimate, and I would never cook for someone that I didn't like a lot. I realize that's not a normal view, but it seems like me and him have similar behavior patterns, so, something to think about. Why do you think you are like that? what happened with your ex and you? He does sound similar to you and whta do u mean it sounds the same? can you explain?
runner Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 sounds like he's just not the touchy feely type, and if you want to change that, you're gonna have to take the lead on it. altho i'd begin to be concerned if he wouldn't initiate sex at least some of the time- but we'll save that can of worms for later.
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 what I really want from posting this is to find out if any of you have been in this weird position before Sure, and I attributed it to desire for generalized libido satisfaction in absence of true physical chemistry. In no way did it lessen care, concern or interest, but, for myself, the difference was that between wanting to have sex because I was stimulated and/or horny and having sex because I wanted to be as close to that person as I could possibly be. Absent the one sexual incident, what you describe is remarkably similar to the actions of ladies who have 'zoned' me over the course of my life. I've got one going right now and will report back with my observations over time. Lots of intimacy, cooking, physical touching, 'polite' kissing, even ILY's, but firmly in the 'zone'. IMO, if you try the direct approach and it works for that time/place but doesn't 'take', it's the 'zone'. If so, not your issue, IMO. We feel what we feel.
Author Lishy Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 My wall is so high that it would be easier for me to walk away than put myself out there and up for rejection
Distant78 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 My wall is so high that it would be easier for me to walk away than put myself out there and up for rejection Then how are you ever going to expect your relationship to progress if you don't let your guard down and just tell him what's the problem? You put yourself out there when you first met him didn't you? So why camp out now that you have him? Don't be afraid to speak your mind. In order to be in a relationship you have to eventually let your guard down, or it will fail.
daphne Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 In order to be in a relationship you have to eventually let your guard down, or it will fail. Distant's right. You have to learn to be vulnerable at some point if you want a relationship. And honestly, it's only your pride that's stopping you. The worst thing is not hearing that he doesn't like you that way. It's looking back later and wondering why you didn't ask whether he did or not.
BackUpOrGetStung Posted January 5, 2011 Posted January 5, 2011 Why do you think you are like that? what happened with your ex and you? I'm like that because I overthink things and I don't want to ruin it. It's a catch 22, because I never have this problem with girls I don't really like; I have no problem relaxing and being myself because I don't care what they think of me, I'm just going to bang them. With a girl I actually like, it's difficult, because I don't want to screw it up, and I foolishly think that one little quirk will bring down the house of cards. My ex and I were together for 2 years and it was great. Definitely my most substantial relationship, and I learned a lot from her. We're still friends now, the only ex I'm friends with. He does sound similar to you and whta do u mean it sounds the same? can you explain? It just sounds the same as the way we started dating. Never went out on actual dates, just hung out a lot together. It helped that we lived in the same apt. complex, so we ended up just spending a lot of time together and after about a month I took a chance and went in for a kiss. We had sex and were in a relationship the next day..very unlike me, but it happened and it worked for a long time, and could have worked longer if not for the perfect storm. Anyway, I think you should stop bugging out and encourage him by being affectionate first. I don't mean initiating sex, but handholding and little kisses and stuff when you're out. Just set the tone for physical affection and I doubt it will take long for him to become comfortable; he probably wants to and just isn't sure how. How many relationships has he had?
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 I spoke to him about it and he said he "hates all that" meaning the cuddling etc I really do like this guy and he does the right thing on so many levels, I know I cant change him or his likes/dislikes so now I am stuck between a rock and a hard place! How do I deal with this? ANy of you been with a guy who hates cuddling?
Art_Critic Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 so now I am stuck between a rock and a hard place! As long as it the right hard place It sounds like he just doesn't want to get close.. keep someone at arms reach therefore I don't have to worry about getting hurt and I can leave at any time. Time is how you deal with it.. hopefully over time you will get closer to him and he will soften
waynebrady Posted January 13, 2011 Posted January 13, 2011 He sounds like a good guy. He realises(what should be common sense) that women do not like intimacy, women do not like affection, women do not like being touched. If get a girlfriend I would never touch her, in any way ever. Out of respect I would never ingage in any intimacy with an eventual girlfriend.
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 He sounds like a good guy. He realises(what should be common sense) that women do not like intimacy, women do not like affection, women do not like being touched. If get a girlfriend I would never touch her, in any way ever. Out of respect I would never ingage in any intimacy with an eventual girlfriend. Are you for real? WOmen love all of the above! I have never come acoss this before
Author Lishy Posted January 13, 2011 Author Posted January 13, 2011 As long as it the right hard place It sounds like he just doesn't want to get close.. keep someone at arms reach therefore I don't have to worry about getting hurt and I can leave at any time. Time is how you deal with it.. hopefully over time you will get closer to him and he will soften Maybe he will never soften ... Ewww
paddington bear Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Is he a virgo by any chance?? Lishy is this still going on? You can either talk to him about it. OR drop some not so subtle hints. He mentioned he doesn't like hand holding. Why not do the opposite and mention what you do like. "I really love snuggling together with someone" "I love to hold hands" and so on. If he likes you, he will want to please you.
Star Gazer Posted January 14, 2011 Posted January 14, 2011 Lishy, if he uses the word "hate" to describe natural affection between loving partners, the next step is to consider whether a lack of affection is a deal breaker for you. It would be for me, and I believe it would be for most women. But you have to decide based on your needs. He sounds like a good guy. He realises(what should be common sense) that women do not like intimacy, women do not like affection, women do not like being touched. If get a girlfriend I would never touch her, in any way ever. Out of respect I would never ingage in any intimacy with an eventual girlfriend. Seriously, guy... You have said some pretty out there things, but this literally takes the cake. I am convinced that you have GOT to be trolling to say things like this.
GolightlyD Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Next time you kiss him goodnight.. If you want to give him the green light maybe he needs more of a push.. kiss him and unzip his pants, then blow him..... that will turn it around It sounds to me like he is still taking it slow, has he been in any relationships before ? Good advice assuming she's gotten over this little problem... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95725/
Author Lishy Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Good advice assuming she's gotten over this little problem... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95725/ Someone is stalking me haha
Author Lishy Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 So much has happened since then ....
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