giveittofate Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Well this is my first post, and I just really would like some insight whatever it may be at handling and trying to be proactive in getting my life back on track. here's my current situation and story: My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago, i kind of agreed we needed this because we were fighting quite a bit, and she was going through some family issues and was emotionally unstable, and got quite cold towards me, which hurt me quite badly. A few of our major issues were she was a bit insecure, she wanted my facebook password, liked to check my phone frequently, and if I ran into a friend who was a girl she always came up to us to be apart of the convo (we dated for almost a year and a half and I never once cheated or gave her any reason to believe I would cheat) I just came to the point one day of how unhealthy doing all these insecure things were to our relationship and told her how I don't think she should be checking my phone or FB anymore and relationships are based on trust, and she'd have to trust me (like i said i've never done anything suspicious to even make her want to keep tabs on me) anyways from then on that's when the wheels started to fall off...she also began to talk much more about how she can't be with someone who doesn't share her lutheran faith and how her kids (when she has them) are going to go to a lutheran school. I myself am not religous, but said I'd support whatever faith she decided to chose to live her life by, and i even went to church with her once to check it out...i think she expected me to go every week from then on, but it really isn't me and I told her i can see myself going, just not an every week kind of thing, and clearly that was not good enough for her...thats when she started throwing out all the things about her future husband and kids are going to be lutheran or it's got no chance really...I always thought that if you loved someone truly you should accept them regardless of their beliefs (kind of funny how the first year of dating she never ONCE brought up this religious stuff or how important it was to her) Another thing I think I should add was that we were each others first real loves (i'm 24 and she's 21) I had my relationships in the past and hookups in college, but NOTHING close to this level of love and feelings i had for her...I was also her first for everything. What really baffles me the most is how can someone go from being soooo in love with someone, wanting to be with them 24/7, always trying to keep tabs on them, talking about spending the rest of their lives with that person, to going so cold? She was always the one in the relationship who wanted to be together more than I did, and it's not that i didn't want to be with her i just viewed it as we were young, and i still wanted to have hangout times with my friends and have a little personal space, but with that said I still hungout with her and spent the night with her like 3 -4 times a week and texted and talked everyday a lot on the phone. I guess what hurts me the most and makes me sick to my stomach is knowing all the love and furture she had planned for us is gone and she seems fine with it....like I said we broke up about a month and a half ago, and for that first week we still texted and talked casually...i made it clear i still had feeling for her too. She then said after that first week that as much as she loves me and enjoys hanging out with me, she just can't anymore because it makes things to hard to move on. I tried to tell her i'll give her time and that i still am madly in love with her and that if she ever wants to meet up as just 2 people with no strings attatched to let me know...from then on a couple weeks went by and on FB i seen her delete pics of me, and start posting all these single songs to her girlfriends and how excited she is to be single (she's knows im mutual friends with them and would see what she's posting) I then started to see her and all her friends posting all these pictures of them out clubbing and partying quite frequently, which isnt her at all, but all her friends were back from school and she is 21, but still i just couldnt believe how she was out having so much fun "loving life" when we just broke up...I mean I'm not to proud to say I was devestated and was only surronding myself by a close few friends....2 weeks went by and out of nowhere she texted me and said that maybe she'll take me up on meeting up for dinner as 2 friends...so a few days later we met and planned not to discuss anything about the past and our situation because according to her "there was nothing left to discuss" ...well i picked her up, she was running late and on the phone constantly with friends about some party she was going to later that night, it made me upset that she wsn't even paying attention to me, so that put me in a sour mood. She also started to tell me about her going out and partying and how her friends seemed more upset than she was about me not being around anymore, and just little things like that to try and pour salt in my wounds....so at dinner we're talking and little by little things get more heated, and i finally tell her how I thought this was a huge mistake and i'm madly in love with her still and how I want to work on things better myself and not give up on us...pretty much spilling every emotion i had...after saying that she began to cry a little and then got quite pissed and wanted to go home and not discuss anything... i think she was mad because she was putting on such a "happy" "i love being single vibe" and i got the tears to come out...yeah I said i wouldnt talk about anything but i figured this might be my last chance so i just layed it all out there....a few days passed with NC then i asked her if she'd like to see a movie or anything in the near future to which she responded "it's over, i know it's harsh but it is what it is" That was about 17 days ago, and since then we've been NC (I did however drop her off a little christmas gift on her porch i bought for her before we broke up and a card just wishing her the best and a merry christmas) she however didn't even text or wish me a merry christmas, which hurt quite bad....i guess since you know my story (sorry it's long) does anyone have any advice in regards to what I should do? I mean i still love her soooo much and seeing a picture of her is like a punch in the stomach (ive deleted her from fb and blocked all her friends so i dont see anything) and is it possible for someone to get over a person that quickly, especially your first love? like i said this was my first love as well and maybe that's why it's extra hard, but I just don't know how to cope with it and these feelings of lonliness? it's only been a month and a half, so is it normal to still feel so lost and hurt? thanks anyone who replies, i need it
Miss Savanna Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 im so sorry to hear what you'r going through trust me.. you'r not alone. I know how it feels to loose your first love...but what helps me it to keep telling myself that whatever is meant to happen will happen.. All you can really do is go your half way 50% and hope that she will go the other way.... to me it sounds like she is either moving on or coping in her own way.... No one deserves to be treated this way...If you love someone..if you truely love someone why try to force religon on them or accuse them of something love hurts but sometimes you have to go through the heartaches...so that it opens your eyes to how things are...and sometimes it makes room for something better im not trying to sound harsh i wish you the best im sorry for the pain your going through i hope that things work out for you...within time a heart heals
Author giveittofate Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 thank you miss savanna for your kind words...i thought the same thing about if you really love someone why try and force them into doing something that's not truly them...I guess you're right, what's meant to be will be. I am fortunate though that I saw this side and actions before i put a ring on her finger and took that next step, but man does this hurt unlike anything I could ever imagine...i guess a first love can do that to you
Good Arms Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 (edited) like i said this was my first love as well and maybe that's why it's extra hard, but I just don't know how to cope with it and these feelings of lonliness? it's only been a month and a half, so is it normal to still feel so lost and hurt? I'm older than you, but I've also lost my first love a month and a half ago. Believe me, everyone is telling me it's still very early days... so all this pain and terrible loneliness is normal at this stage. Don't knock yourself for not getting over it - no-one can say how long it'll take. But everyone who talks from experience says that in time things do get better. Just take baby steps. I don't think the friends thing can ever work if someone still wants more, so try and focus on looking after yourself and maintaining strict NC. Well done on getting on top of deleting her from FB... it took me a long time to take that step! We'll all get there, just remember you're not alone with this pain. Edited January 3, 2011 by Good Arms
SCG_Sasa1111 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I recently lost my first love as well..4.5 yr relationship...we started dating wen we were 15..were 20 now...i understand everything you are going through i am feeling the same thing. What sucks even more is that not even a few days after we broke up she left me for the guy that was the reason behind all of this..and shes with him now...so i am dealing with losing my first love and seeing her with sum1 else after so long..so fast....i really dono wat 2 tell you other than just get through each day...its hard for me because its been 2 months now..going into third and i still feel horrible..there really is no solution to this even a new girl would just be fillin in the void...you all will need time 2 heal...it suks bro..i feel for u man i am going through same thing right now:S
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