ByMyselfForNow Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 My ex and I split up a month ago. She ended the relationship because she has found someone else. Since that moment, I've maintained NC but now we had to meet again because we work together. Of course we met and she tried to make small talk with me. She seems so serene about the situation, as if all of this was meant to happen and she's in a happier place now with the new boyfriend. I feel like she's saying " I didn't give a f**k about you, why are you still sad, why are you still mad at me, let's just be friends and move on". I'm still pinning and I feel so weak and angry at her. I tried to look indifferent but I'm not in that place of mind yet. So I just tried to avoid eye contact with her and chit chat with others. It's even harder when I see the colleagues that know about our situation looking at me with pity. I even know that she bragged to some of them that "I had it coming" trying to excuse herself like it was all my fault when all she did was give up on our relationship for some guy. I don't know how to get stronger, how to be indifferent about the situation, how to move on already.. Any practical advice?
Good Arms Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm sorry you're in the position where you have to work with her. I'm also in the same workplace as my ex, but in my case it's maybe a bit better as I get away with rarely catching sight of her, and so far I avoided having to pass so close as to say "hello"... other than one time I had to give a little wave and smile when she was driving past in the car park. I'm sorry I'm not in a position to give advice, as I'm struggling myself - the work issue makes things extra hard to move on - but I'll just say that by trying to avoid eye contact I think you're doing the best thing you can. I know what you mean by not being in the frame of mind to be able to look at her with indifference. You're the one in the right. Try and hold your head up and tell yourself you have the moral high ground here, you've done nothing wrong, you're the decent person. Try and keep your distance and cut any conversations short, make your excuses and just be pleasant, though the mixed emotions under the surface means it's all a bit of a facade. I know it's no comfort at all right now but it sounds like in the long run you'll be better off without someone like that. She sounds like a cold and insensitive person, traits my ex seems to share, though I guess when things are going well we're blinded by love to any signs of this part of their personality.
paleblue Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Yes, continue NC as much as you can. Hold your head up high. Do not talk to your co-workers about it what so ever. Ever. Pretend like she is no one. Don’t act like a victim to people at work. Act like she did you a favor. I know its hard. It’s a crappy feeling getting ditched, but she sounds like an a hole anyway saying things like you had it coming, or making you feel like that. How classy is that? Not very. I dont see how you can be friends with someone who says things like this. I wouldnt. In the meantime, when you are ready, live your life. Do something that makes you feel good. Start talking to new girls. And if/when the day comes you hear from her, hold your head up, be nice, be polite, but don’t talk anything personal to her. Keep it all business. She has now lost the right to know anything about you, or your personal life. Don't let her know. Keep it out of work. People will talk. Good luck,
Author ByMyselfForNow Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 I'm so angry right now I'm literally shaking. I went to some friends house tonight and they told me that on th 24'th of December some of the coworkers went to a pub and she appeared with the new guy and started cuddling and kissing all night in front of them. I didn't need to know that! I told them to never ever tell me stuff like that. It's really hard to move on in such an environment. I wish I could have the luxury of NC.
Good Arms Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm sorry you had to hear that. Your friends should be sensitive enough to know you wouldn't want to hear anything about your ex. I'm glad you told them to not tell you such things. I'm doing everything I can to maintain NC, but it's hard to begin to move on when you work with your ex. Just having to see her car or catching a glimpse of her makes me upset.
Author ByMyselfForNow Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 It's pretty hard to sketch a smile or make small talk when you know what she's doing. But, I agree that being bitter is not doing me any good. I just want to get my mental state of mind back to normal or at least feel like I'm healing.
paleblue Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I'm so angry right now I'm literally shaking. I went to some friends house tonight and they told me that on th 24'th of December some of the coworkers went to a pub and she appeared with the new guy and started cuddling and kissing all night in front of them. I didn't need to know that! I told them to never ever tell me stuff like that. It's really hard to move on in such an environment. I wish I could have the luxury of NC. all the more reason to not talk about it to your co-workers. you just look like a sore loser, like she got to you. dont let em see that. & F her. you just chill out and keep your cool. all you have to do is give it some time and let her make herself look like a jerk.
Author ByMyselfForNow Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 I feel like all the things she's doing right now help me get over her faster. I think I'm getting better. Today was a peaceful day. There will be other bad days, I'm sure of it, but at least for the moment I'm happy with myself.
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