blacksentra Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Hello All, I've been doing some reflection on my previous relationship and this is what I have come to notice: the worst I treated my ex, the better she treated me; and vice versa. Maybe within this revalation is the key to never getting dumped again???? I remember when me and my ex first got together, I didnt make her much of a priority in my life. I was constantly hanging out with friends/doing college activities, and would see her if it fit within my schedule. I also had more of a nonchalant attitude towards the relationship; like I didnt really care if we stayed together or not. During this time period, my ex would treat me very good, and make an effort to ensure that I was happy with her. However, as the relationship progressed and I developed stronger feelings for my ex I began making her more of a priority and wanting to spend more time together. I also began to have more of a emotional reaction to her and the things she did (which led to more arguments). This is in contrast to the beginning when I would have just brushed stuff off. It was during this time period where she seemed to get "comfortable" and her making an effort to make me happy seemed like less of a priority to her. Finally, At the beginning of the Fall 2010 semester, she began making a lot more "girlfriends" which diverted a lot of the attention that I used to get and we eventually grew apart. I just wanted to vent about this revalation. I find it quite strange that when I treated her like crap she was all over me, but when I "got my act together" she began pushing me away. Did I become too much of a nice guy? How can I avoid this happening again? I dont like the idea of "playing games" to make a woman feel replaceable, but they seemed so necessary in my last relationship
dreamingoftigers Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Well if you had to play games to get her attention, she probably wasn't a healthy partner.
LifeIsGreat Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 This is actually a very typical 'push/pull' realtionship. They are NOT healthy, and there is no way for a r/l like that to work long term. It takes 2 to have a 'push/pull' r/l. To be frank, you usually can't blame this disfunction on just one person. I suggest you look at your past and yourself, and see if you have some issues you may want to address before getting into a new LTR. I'm not say you have 'issues', I'm just suggesting you evaluate yourself.
Mrlonelyone Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 This is actually a very typical 'push/pull' realtionship. They are NOT healthy, and there is no way for a r/l like that to work long term. It takes 2 to have a 'push/pull' r/l. To be frank, you usually can't blame this disfunction on just one person. I suggest you look at your past and yourself, and see if you have some issues you may want to address before getting into a new LTR. I'm not say you have 'issues', I'm just suggesting you evaluate yourself. I have to agree with lifeisgreat. I have been in and out of such a relationship for quite a while now. While the ups and downs are exciting in such a relationship.... in the long run what everyone needs is to just settle into a comfort zone. With a relationship like that you probably would not ever find that comfortable place. A relationship were both of you are pulling or pushing in the same direction has to be so much better for you.
Author blacksentra Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 I agree with you all. After it became apparent that I cared about her and I wasn't going anywhere, there never really was that much of a "comfort zone" where I could be my natural self and be treated the way I wanted to be treated. @Lifeisgreat.....I would agree with you as well. I had a part to play in the dysfunction. Once I discovered the "secret" to getting her to treat me right I did have a tendency to exploit it (e.g. having public convo's with girls on fb so she would see, purposely blowing her off, etc.)........even after we broke up those things worked to bring her back around, for a while at least.......Sometimes it would work, and sometimes (when she knew it was done purposely) it would lead to further arguements. The only thing is, I didn't want to play such games. I would have much rather communicated issues when they arose and talked it out, but she never really took me seriously unless she felt replacable.......It was like she never valued me unless other things (or people) validated me as well.
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