Single again.

[Melodie]

My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. Devastated. Hurt and upset. I really thought he was the one. We only lasted 11 months but I loved him so much.

 

During that 11 months we had even moved to another City to start a new life together as well. About 5 months ago.

 

He says that it has something to do with my jealous (making little negative comments when he had mentioned other girls he had talked to or went on about he's ex girlfriend's) and insecurity issues. When I write down why I was that way though. I could see how I was doing that. He could see I was unhappy. I did not feel unhappy but. Most the time I was happy! I just wanted him around more and a bit more affection from him.

 

I appreciated that he was a hard worker and all he had done for me. I supported him financially when he was doing a traineeship with work and did house work when he was out seven days a week so he could relax and not worry about doing it when he got home. I gave him foot rubs and messages to relax him as well. Went out and found a way to make new friends and joined the Gym so I could have my own life.

 

During this time maybe both of us felt that our relationship did get neglected but. We had no time for each other and very little money to go out with.

 

I just wish that I had talked about it with him more and that we could work it out but he does not want to hear it. I have emailed him a couple of times but it just makes it worse. He tells me what I have done to push him away then I tell him what he has done to push him away.

 

It hurts because I know that we still love each other. I just wish things could get sorted out and that we could get back together. He does not want to talk about it though. He just wants out. Does this just sound like normal couple stuff or more?

Edited January 3, 2011 by Melodie

[january2010]

You went though a lot together in a short time. That's got to test even the strongest and longest of partnerships.

 

I don't think there is anything much you can do right now other than to go NC and try to rebuild your life. As you've found out, trying to contact him only results in pushing him further away.

 

I know you are in pain but you must focus on getting your emotions stable again so that you are ready whether he comes back or not. If you cannot think too far ahead, just try to fill the next few moments, then hours, then days, then weeks. Go for walks, gym, listen to uplifting music, watch a movie, etc. You will find that your head heals a lot quicker than your heart. But that's normal. If you need to cry, cry, even if you need to excuse yourself and head to the bathroom. It's important not to rush your emotions and just let them play out.

 

Unfortunately, there is no fast forward button or time machine. You will feel the rollercoaster of emotions but with time and taking care of yourself, the down moments will be less frequent and won't last as long.

[SunsetRed]

I have found Homebrew's posts to be helpful with my break up.

There's one called the Dumpee's Guide to Letting Go, or something like that. I think it dates back to Dec 18.

 

Homebrew describes in detail why NC is so imp and how breaking NC destroys any hope of ever getting your ex back.

 

I know it's hard. I blame myself for what went wrong in my relationship and I've worked on myself and "fixed" me and I can't wait to share the "fixed" me with my ex. Problem is, he isn't contacting me and as Homebrew blatantly states, me contacting him only pushes him away and makes reconciliation less likely.

 

Hang in there, I'm told it gets better.

[homebrew]

I blame myself for what went wrong in my relationship and I've worked on myself and "fixed" me and I can't wait to share the "fixed" me with my ex. Problem is, he isn't contacting me and as Homebrew blatantly states, me contacting him only pushes him away and makes reconciliation less likely..

 

SunsetRed... You are in a great place! You are also wise to follow my guide!

 

Being the dumpee (even if you are the reason for the dumper dumping you)... You have to wait for them... All you can do is "fix" you and move forward.

 

If your EX comes back... GREAT! You have addressed the issue that broke the two of you up... or...

 

If you meet someone else (that is better than your EX)... You will not blow up that new relationship due to your past issues.

 

Either way... you will be proud of overcoming an "issues" you once had... you will give yourself the best chance for happiness in the future.... and your EX or new person will be happy / grateful that they do not have to deal with your past "issues".

[Melodie]

Thanks guys. That is I wanna do SunRed and Homebrew. I am in the process of rebuilding my life right now and moving out in a couple of weeks, hopefully that helps (we rented a place together). I do want to better myself as a person as well. For me, regardless of getting him back or not. I messaged him this as well. That to bad he won't be around to see that.

 

I did however tried to email my ex again to change he's mind yesterday and he still was like. Stop with all these messages. It is over. There is nothing else you can do. . I am going to stop and proceed with NC now because there is no point. It is like talking to a brick wall. Have already deleted the number off my phone so I don't text him and kept it in a address book so I can still contact about our place till I move out if need be. Hopefully not.

 

I can't help but think there is something more there because of how cold he is being towards me. Think that is just the way he's personality is but. I have no idea what is going on with him at all now. He is has left and moved out unofficially. Still will give me money for things till our Lease runs out but 1st of Feb at least.

 

It can't be totally, all my fault but. I know it isn't. Know to an extent it was but he had some part of it to play in there as well. He just will not admit it or talk about it with me. Like I said before all he just wants is out.

 

Hopefully you are right Jan2010. Do know it will get better. Can see good things coming regardless of being with my ex or not. Just got to get there. It is hard but right now. Can't eat or sleep. It sux. .

Edited January 3, 2011 by Melodie

[durkadurka]

I have to agree with what was said above, what you dealt with in a short time is more than what most people have to deal with over several years.

 

My relationship was very similar, and it snapped. Nothing you can do about it. It's too bad.

 

Atleast you tried to make a life for yourself, it's more than what she did.

[Graceful]

You know what I like about you, Melodie?

 

I like the fact that you have admitted you made a few mistakes yourself, that you're not perfect and that you really want to work on your issues.

 

I also like the idea that you did try to keep your own identity during the relationship, despite the fact you did move in awfully soon after meeting this guy.

 

I mean, did you really know what you were getting yourself into? You moved in after 6 months? I know people who take longer than that to buy a sofa.

 

Seriously, Mel, you have to take your cue and cut this guy loose. He hasn't exactly been Prince Charming.

 

He has made it clear that it's over on his end, and therefore, you have to accept that. Your ex just didn't see things the same way you did. But you know what? You gave it your all. Nothing wrong with that in my book.

 

I am going to stop and proceed with NC now because there is no point. It is like talking to a brick wall. Have already deleted the number off my phone so I don't text him

Another reason why I like you!

 

It can't be totally, all my fault but. I know it isn't. Know to an extent it was but he had some part of it to play in there as well. He just will not admit it or talk about it with me. Like I said before all he just wants is out.

You both made mistakes, but bottom line, he owns his, and you own your's. Now you're going to work on your issues. And you're going to try not to let the door hit him too hard on the way out, right?

 

It does get better, if it did for me, it will for anyone. Trust me on that one. Once you get re-settled into your own space and get out of limbo, you are going to be very surprised at how much better you feel. Take care. xox

[Melodie]

I know. Now wishing that we had taken things more slower at the start. We did want the same things in the future but. That is what got us to another City. To better our future. Guess it all got a bit to much for the both of us. I did. I did that to help myself and us. I would have done anything for him. . None of that matters now but. Sigh.

[Melodie]

Thanks Graceful. No. He hasn't been at all lately.

 

We were already living together after 3 months. He was looking for a place. I was living on my own so thought he may as well. He was over all the time anyway. Then 3 months after that we moved to the City.

 

Thinking by the time he ever contacts me. Will be very surprised if he does Hopefully I totally over it and not bother. Time will tell.

 

Very upset he won't have a bar of me now after everything I have done for him. Grr. He says this is how he felt when my insecurities would pop up. Just hate that it turned out this way.

 

Graceful am thinking things will get better. Just hate that I have to go through this before hand!