Doesn't seem like people "date" anymore

[Mrlonelyone]

I think it's just because the OP is getting older.

 

People have always had a biological clock... even men. Let me explain it this way.

 

I am 30. My father is going to be 70 this year. I am going to be spending the part of my life that should be about me and my life and any family I will have... taking care of my old man.

 

Now there's nothing wrong with that in principle..... but if he was hoping to have grandchildren (if a certain little boy is not my son) then he's pooched. No grandson or daughter for him.

 

Now I myself am doing the math in my head. So what if it takes me another 8 years to settle in and get married and have children... do I want to put them through the same BS I'm dealing with? To be honest I don't. That would have been true 100 or 1000 years ago. I would like to live to see my grandchildren and be young enough to enjoy them and for them to remember me and know me. Technology has nothing to do with that.

 

If I don't have a child (already) by 35 I will not have children.

Edited January 4, 2011 by Mrlonelyone

[GooseChaser]

Well, since I see many people on this forum labeling multi-dating as something negative, you may be right.

 

I really don't understand what is wrong with dating several people at once. It would certainly help keep someone from focusing on the wrong person, I would think. As long as there is honesty and everyone knows they aren't someone's one-and-only, what's the big deal?

This post made me think. "[Multi-dating] would certainly keep someone from focusing on the wrong person, I would think." The same reason is given for waiting to have sex with a person until you get to know them better. It is common that people who multi-date abstain until they have narrowed it down to one person. I think that's an interesting connection. Perhaps multi-dating is a method of delaying sex, with the aim of developing a better relationship?

 

On-topic, I am 21, and I have a hard time finding men that do want a relationship. At this age, many of them seem perfectly happy just dating and not getting more serious... as long as they know the woman isn't seeing anyone else. In my experience so far, they have avoided the labels of a relationship. I personally have never been in a relationship before, while the number of guys I have dated can be counted on two hands. One person did want one after going on one date, but I decided I wasn't attracted to him. The farthest I've gotten is "exclusive dating". At this stage, they still publicly label themselves "single". I look forward to when I'll actually find a man who is proud to acknowledge that they're with me.

Edited January 4, 2011 by GooseChaser

[zengirl]

I think that's an interesting connection. Perhaps multi-dating is a method of delaying sex, with the aim of developing a better relationship?

 

I agree that the two can certainly be linked. I multi-date but never have sex during, and generally (when I am), the reason I'm not having sex with a guy is the same reason I'm not exclusive----I'm not sure about him. The older I've gotten, the quicker I can be sure. Usually, this means no Date #2.

[Imajerk17]

When I started dating, I was 16 and it was 1976. No cell phones, no email, no internet. As a kid I recall being at a family gathering when the phone rang and someone came running in to announce to the woman of the house, "it's for you, it's long distance".

 

And the whole room fell silent as we waited on pins and needles to learn who it was.

 

Can you imagine that reaction NOW?

 

Back then, I don't even think folks used classified ads to meet other singes unless they were desperate. Things moved slower and the dating pool was much, much smaller.

 

But think of all the ways there are to find each other today.

 

Today we can reach more people in less time than ever before. We can perform more tasks in less time than ever before. We're always plugged in, always connected. Our brains are on overload. Some researches are even saying that the way we take in data (rapid-fire) is changing the way our brains are wired.

 

So yeah, absolutely, it's affecting how we date. Heck, it's affecting everything we do!

 

That's actually a really good point. Now why would anyone put in any extra time to know the person in front of them when there are so many others out there?

 

zengirl and alex, let me get this straight--you guys can tell if you want a LTR with someone in 1--3 dates? (You get that the lower end of your range, ZG, is one date. You can really tell if you want to be coupled up with someone or not after one date?)

[musemaj11]

Multi dating is unromantic.

 

Besides, it can be costly for a man to multi-date. Maybe if he at least gets sex from all the women he multi-dates then it may even it out, but otherwise he should just feed hungry people at the homeless shelter instead.

[alexlakeman]

W

, had zero friends or life.

 

What's the bif deal ofhaving friends? I pretty much do not have any that I hang out with or double date with. Business acquaintances? Yes. I'm just too busy with work, kids, life, dating.

 

Does it help if I throw some "friends" on my FB? Lol

[alexlakeman]

That's actually a really good point. Now why would anyone put in any extra time to know the person in front of them when there are so many others out there?

 

zengirl and alex, let me get this straight--you guys can tell if you want a LTR with someone in 1--3 dates? (You get that the lower end of your range, ZG, is one date. You can really tell if you want to be coupled up with someone or not , after one date?)

 

Typically yes , one date. The deal breakers for me that bring upon the one date ONLY?

She looks older or fatter than the pics. This is number one. Physical attraction

No conversation aka chemistry is a distant #2 but it does happen. It happens less and less aa I spend more time initially on thw phone and see if there ia convo and flow of conversation, laughs, things in common

[donnamaybe]

This post made me think. "[Multi-dating] would certainly keep someone from focusing on the wrong person, I would think." The same reason is given for waiting to have sex with a person until you get to know them better. It is common that people who multi-date abstain until they have narrowed it down to one person. I think that's an interesting connection. Perhaps multi-dating is a method of delaying sex, with the aim of developing a better relationship?

I'm definitely a person who couldn't avoid the "ewww" factor of having sex with multiple partners during the same time period. I'm certainly no prude, but there's just something that somehow seems wrong about that - for me.

[somedude81]

Good point, and it's unfortunate that women feel they need to speed things up. What's the rush?

 

I think this is the ADD of dating. lol People aren't focusing, and just creating a "blur" when it comes to dating, it's a shame that someone is not willing to get to know someone over time.

 

I'im not much of a mult-dater....why?

 

Because I'm not a casanova like some men, and I have a few male friends like this. ESP when it comes to Online dating (Which I think has ruined dating altogether....furhter enabling the rush process)

 

So typically, you'll find a guy who has been rejected or ignored by 100 women, then they FINALLY get a woman that agrees to go out with them....of course this guy is thinking YES FINALLY!

 

And if the first date goes well, he is definately going to want to see this SAME woman again, and not any other women.

 

Why? Becuase there are no other women for him to date.

 

With women, they have at least a handful of prospects.

 

So I guess that's why I hear complaints about women who is dealing with a guy who seems to stay in touch a little too much or whatever. (making himself too available)

Great post.

 

Women need to read it and understand what is going on with the men they are dating.

 

The girl may be having 4 dates a week and doesn't get too attached to any of them. But for the guy, she may be the only girl he's dated the whole month.

 

It's too easy for a woman to toss men aside if they don't excite her on the first date.

 

This exact situation happened to me. I was just one out of several guys this girl was dating, two dates, then thrown aside; and she wasn't even that hot. I have no idea why she was so popular.

[810]

I'm going to be 30 and i agree that people don't take time to date like they used to anymore. Everything is in the fast pace mode. To me, every guy is custom made lolz They are unique in their own ways so I like to learn about the person I date, from their likes/dislikes to communication styles and body languages etc. 5-6 dates don't tell me much about the person needless to say the first 3 dates. When I date someone, I like to know the real them and not the "try-to-impress" one. I think my pace is too slow for most guys...and I guess that's why I'm falling behind the current dating trend. Oh well.

 

and she wasn't even that hot. I have no idea why she was so popular.

 

because when a girl appear like she doesn't need a guy, guys then to find that attractive. men like the chase themselves as well.

[musemaj11]

 

This exact situation happened to me. I was just one out of several guys this girl was dating, two dates, then thrown aside; and she wasn't even that hot. I have no idea why she was so popular.

Dude, she gets like 100 emails a day. She has a lot of men to go around and solicit from.

[zengirl]

That's actually a really good point. Now why would anyone put in any extra time to know the person in front of them when there are so many others out there?

 

zengirl and alex, let me get this straight--you guys can tell if you want a LTR with someone in 1--3 dates? (You get that the lower end of your range, ZG, is one date. You can really tell if you want to be coupled up with someone or not after one date?)

 

I'm not saying I can tell I want to be coupled with someone after one date, really, but that I can often tell I don't want to be coupled with them.

 

I know a lot of what I want -- and it's not a laundry list exactly (I think those are silly), but I know who I am, and I know what meshes with me -- so it's easy for me to spot guys who complement that, make me a better me, and are good partners. I usually do a good job at assessing who will be a good LTR. I've yet to narrow it down ALL the way, to someone I'd marry. No idea how I'll do with that.

 

I can tolerate anyone for a few nights, sure, but why choose to keep someone around, string them along, when they don't really interest me? That seems cruel. And also unneccesarily boring and time-consuming.

 

Great post.

 

Women need to read it and understand what is going on with the men they are dating.

 

The girl may be having 4 dates a week and doesn't get too attached to any of them. But for the guy, she may be the only girl he's dated the whole month.

 

It's too easy for a woman to toss men aside if they don't excite her on the first date.

 

This exact situation happened to me. I was just one out of several guys this girl was dating, two dates, then thrown aside; and she wasn't even that hot. I have no idea why she was so popular.

 

I've thrown guys aside when I had nobody else to date. If someone isn't doing it for you, why waste your time? I love my own company, personally, and I hold everyone else to a high standard as a result. Girls have their famines as well, but I always advise my friends --- male and female --- not to go out with anyone just because they're lonely.

 

Though I understand it's a middle ground. It's not like I expect someone to change my whole world on a first date!

[donnamaybe]

and she wasn't even that hot. I have no idea why she was so popular.

Oh, wow. There's your dating troubles, man.

[Floridaman]

I am in my 30's. I am noticing that things in the dating game move much faster than they did 10 years ago.

 

Looks like people seem to size each other up much more quickly up nowadays, and tend to move much faster into relationships. My impression that for a lot of people nowadays, a first date will either go great where there's all this chemistry and where you will be in a relationship after that, or it will not and you will not see the other person again (even if the first date went "well"). There isn't a whole lot of just "getting to know the other person" anymore.

My first date with my future wife, a blind date set up by her best friend, did not go so well. (Her best friend set her up on dates a lot). If I had followed my first hunch, I wouldn't have married her..

 

She seemed nice, but didn't express much interest in me and wasn't as conversational as me and the other couple. I tried to bring her into the conversation, but only got short responses.

 

Her best friend this Christmas told us she sensed it was a "disaster date" so Plan B had us going for a drive around town. At the scenic overlook, she and I found ourselves alone and talked more and she seemed okay.

 

As I was 30 and seriously looking for a life partner, I told myself earlier in the eve., "This isn't gonna work. She's not interested in me. I'll get through this night and try to date someone else..."

 

During the next week or two, I kept thinking I needed to call her friend for her number...

 

So don't judge a potential date by the way things go on that first date. First impressions aren't always accurate.

To think that I almost ruled her out of my life. We've been married 14 years now...

 

Another lesson: for those single and getting late in life, value friends and their connections. Maybe one of your friends knows someone you could go out with and arrange for a blind date.

Edited January 7, 2011 by Floridaman