seoman74 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I am a an educated, well mannered, 37 year old Mexican professional, I have been living here in the Midwest for almost 3 years. I haven't had much luck in the dating department; I'm from Mexico city, so coming to a town of 23,000 people after living in a city of 23 million it was a big change. I have never been married and I don't have kids, you can say I was a late bloomer. I don't consider my self good looking, I'm slim white Hispanic, 5'7. She is a 30 year old single never married white girl that considers her self as from the ghetto, she has been in dysfunctional relationships, she doesn't have real friends and she is right now living with her mom because she takes care of her for health issues. We have been going out as friends but when drunk she starts to be more "affectionate" she have told me that she is not attracted to me but sometimes she behave different, so much, that we already sleep together one night. We have different backgrounds, I am aware of that, I really like her and all I want is a chance, do you think I should keep waiting for that chance without pushing for it? or should I move on because is not worth it? Please I need input from interracial relationships to advice on what to do. Thank you
elastica Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Your story kind of reminds me of me and bf. It's cute. It's very good that you are determined and that you know what you want, so definitely go for it! Maybe she is attracted to you, but she doesn't know it yet, don't be discouraged by that.
elastica Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Oh and by the way, you had sex with her, right? Are you sure you really like her and it is not just lust you feel?
Author seoman74 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Elastica, I like her smile, her hands, her neck, her eyes, I like how she jokes about me and with me, I like her so much that I'm planing on taking her to Cancun for a week, she has never flown and never seen the ocen less the Caribbean, I hope that will be the shock that makes her think about me as a men rather than a friend, but also I am afraid of the consequences of that, because can be that she then be sure that she is not attracted to me, but then again I have the hopes that turns out the way I hope.
Hopeful30 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Okay. I've had 2 relationships with Mexican men. First off, your situation has nothing to do with your race. From what i've read, I don't even know why you're bringing it up. Second, she already told you she isn't attracted to you. When she drinks she does things that she wouldn't normally do, and "being drunk" is her excuse to do them. I would move on. A girl like that isn't worth your time. There is no "chance" to give. You're already there for her all the time, and she's already slept with you. What "chance" do you mean? A chance for a relationship? If you guys continue having sex, she will just consider you a friend with benefits. I'm sorry to say but I don't think things will look up unless she really takes you seriously. And right now she won't do that because she doesn't have to. You're always there for her anyways so why does she have to sacrifice her singlehood?
tami-chan Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Well, go for it but have realistic expectations...ie. when in the company of your well-mannered, well-spoken professional friends, she might not fit in, etc. etc. After a while, if you guys are too different, issues will arise. It is never a good idea to go into a relationship hoping for the other person to change.
Author seoman74 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Okay. I've had 2 relationships with Mexican men. First off, your situation has nothing to do with your race. From what I've read, I don't even know why you're bringing it up. I bring it up because I don't know, like I said I have been living here in the states for only 3 years; maybe in a city things are different, more different cultures living together. I didn't meant it that way; now about the sex, no, not anymore It was a mistake because we were drunk & I felt guilty, so much that the next times she has stayed with me I take the couch.
Author seoman74 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Well, go for it but have realistic expectations...ie. when in the company of your well-mannered, well-spoken professional friends, she might not fit in, etc. etc. After a while, if you guys are too different, issues will arise. It is never a good idea to go into a relationship hoping for the other person to change. Yes I am aware of that, but also is so different the dating protocol here that I am like a blind man trying to read, that's why I am in this forum, to get different points of view and then, after thinking about them, take a decision before taking another step.
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 She is a 30 year old single never married white girl that considers her self as from the ghetto, she has been in dysfunctional relationships, she doesn't have real friends and she is right now living with her mom because she takes care of her for health issues. We have been going out as friends but when drunk she starts to be more "affectionate" she have told me that she is not attracted to me but sometimes she behave different, so much, that we already sleep together one night. Red flags brightly waving: Vastly different backgrounds, with hers being blatantly 'dysfunctional' She told you she's not attracted to you, when sober She doesn't have any 'real' friends I could interview her in my unique style of getting women to disclose things and I'm sure I could find dozens more red flags. Beware.
elastica Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 (edited) Elastica, I like her smile, her hands, her neck, her eyes, I like how she jokes about me and with me, I like her so much that I'm planing on taking her to Cancun for a week, she has never flown and never seen the ocen less the Caribbean, I hope that will be the shock that makes her think about me as a men rather than a friend, but also I am afraid of the consequences of that, because can be that she then be sure that she is not attracted to me, but then again I have the hopes that turns out the way I hope. I don't think taking her to Cancun is a good idea. She might see you as a man but you wouldn't want her to develop feelings for you because you can take her on holiday. Remember she is from different background, in your culture the role of man as provider is different if you know what Im trying to say. Try waiting until she sees you as a man (rather than friend) for no other reason than who you are. I mean try waitin to see if it can happen. Sorry if Im not being clear, hope you know what Im trying to say. I know that if someone tried to impress me the way you are trying to impress her, it would have the opposite effect of what you imagine. Anyway, if you are being honest to yourself and your feelings are true go for it. I can see other posters making some interesting points, but honestly I don't think you have in your post suggested that you consider her *less* in some way because of different backgrounds. You truly consider her equal and respect her, right? I believe I understand you correctly, so correct me if I am wrong. Other posters may have misunderstood you because you emphasized your background. (((I have noticed this with Latin men - in my personal experience they really don't care about social status when looking for women, at least not in the way *some* western men do, even unconsciously))). Also, in my opinion, the fact that she slept with you actually proves that she is attracted to you, doesn't it? how drunk were u guys exatcly? like totally drunk, or just tipsy? I don't see your story as negative as others. I mean you are no teenagers and YES you are attracted to ach other somewhat, since you slept together. I mean, if I am NOT attracted to somebody, I am not going to sleep with them, no matter how drunk!!! Don't know about other women, but I have been there, but still couldn't do it. The bottom line, my opinion is still that you should go for it, but be patient and do try to impress her by spending money on her. Edited January 3, 2011 by elastica
Taramere Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I am a an educated, well mannered, 37 year old Mexican professional, I have been living here in the Midwest for almost 3 years. I haven't had much luck in the dating department; I'm from Mexico city, so coming to a town of 23,000 people after living in a city of 23 million it was a big change. I have never been married and I don't have kids, you can say I was a late bloomer. I don't consider my self good looking, I'm slim white Hispanic, 5'7. She is a 30 year old single never married white girl that considers her self as from the ghetto, she has been in dysfunctional relationships, she doesn't have real friends and she is right now living with her mom because she takes care of her for health issues. We have been going out as friends but when drunk she starts to be more "affectionate" she have told me that she is not attracted to me but sometimes she behave different, so much, that we already sleep together one night. We have different backgrounds, I am aware of that, I really like her and all I want is a chance, do you think I should keep waiting for that chance without pushing for it? or should I move on because is not worth it? Please I need input from interracial relationships to advice on what to do. Thank you The overall picture you're giving of this girl is too negative to suggest that you really want her. Surely it's better to go for what you really want, and risk the knockback, than to take a series of rejections from somebody who you weren't all that impressed by in any event.
Author seoman74 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Thank you for all the feedback. Yes there are a lot of differences, but then again, nobody is perfect, what I am looking for is someone that feels perfect to me, not a stereotype. No I don't consider her less than me, on the contrary I think she is way out of my league, she is the one that has say that to me; - Why you like me if I'm from the ghetto? I don't deserve you - her words. Who is not dysfunctional this days? The mere fact that we want to psychoanalysis everything and everyone makes us dysfunctional because we are not content with what we have but rather always searching for what we cant have, that idealistic perfect mate. What I'm trying to accomplish is not to impress her by money, I want to take her away from her troubled life for a bit and show her that there is always options, that not all man are rednecks, to show her stability, to court her in a way she hasn't be court, to treat her with respect; to show her that she deserves better than to be with guys that hit her, or humiliate her. To show her how I see her in my eyes. And what I want is the chance to date her, not to have sex with her, sex is a complement of a relationship, is not what is based on
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Why you like me if I'm from the ghetto? I don't deserve you - her words. Another red flag. Women tell you everything you need to know. All you have to do is listen and *accept*. Don't let your dick get in the way. It clouds your sensibilities. You sound like a man looking for a long-term stable relationship. This project is not it, IMO.
Author seoman74 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Yeah, the objective thing to do its let it go. The only thing I don't want is to regret not trying, don't think about the what if? Its a good thing I don't have deeper feelings for her, I will continue being her friend but trying to distance myself and set boundaries. Lol maybe I am a dreamer. Thanks everyone.
paddington bear Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Yes, there are some red flags, but perhaps some of it is lack of confidence on your part and on her part. You feel out of place in a new town, she feels out of place with you because she is from her own description 'from the ghetto'. Once you slept together, perhaps that could have been the beginning of something, but you slept on the couch next time - you wanted to be a gentleman, perhaps she took it as a rejection? I would unless you had verbally said "I'm not sleeping with you again because I feel I overstepped the mark the last time". If she's had dysfunctional relationships in the past, perhaps she genuinely thinks that she isn't good enough for you. If I were you, I would not invite her to Cancun, (only invite women that you know want you back on holiday with you!) but what I would do is simply tell her that you are attracted to her, that you know she said she wasn't attracted to you. Ask her if that is still the case now. If she still, after having sex with you and whatever else has happened since, is not attracted to you, then move on - rather than moving on because of what could be just mixed messages on both sides - which could be cleared up simply by you talking with her about it.
Author seoman74 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 but what I would do is simply tell her that you are attracted to her, that you know she said she wasn't attracted to you. Ask her if that is still the case now. Yeah, well the thing is that, we both know what happen, and we both know the "other" knows, so its kind of "if we don't mention it maybe we avoid that awkward moment". In my case is out of fear, I don't know in her.
Jannah Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I've heard men do the whole beer goggles thing, but not the other way around. I couldn't imagine being physically intimate with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. Drinking would increase that, not the other way around.
Author seoman74 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 I've heard men do the whole beer goggles thing, but not the other way around. I couldn't imagine being physically intimate with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. Drinking would increase that, not the other way around. So should I or I shouldn't? this is getting really confusing.
Jannah Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 So should I or I shouldn't? this is getting really confusing. You mean taking her to Cancun? I think Cancun is more of a "party" atmosphere versus a romantic retreat.
elastica Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I've heard men do the whole beer goggles thing, but not the other way around. I couldn't imagine being physically intimate with someone I wasn't physically attracted to. Drinking would increase that, not the other way around. This is absolutely true. This is why I was telling that although she says she is not attracated, she probably is.
Author seoman74 Posted January 5, 2011 Author Posted January 5, 2011 You mean taking her to Cancun? I think Cancun is more of a "party" atmosphere versus a romantic retreat. I used to live there, so it all depends on what you want. Its romantic if you go to Tulum, if you go to Isla Mujeres (woman island) or if you take a ride in a catamaran, also depends on the hotel. No I'm referring if I should try to court her? Right now I haven't txt her or talk to her for a couple of days, waiting for her to contact me, so far no luck.
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