howcouldthishappen Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Here's my story. I am a bisexual mormon. Talk about an oxymoron I know. Anyways, I fell hard for a girl in junior high. It took me 3 years, but I eventually made the first move and turns out she felt the same way about me. We moved so so slow. Didn't have our first kiss until about a month and a half into our relationship. Neither of our parents knew, and we were very good at keeping it on the down low. We were together for 2 years, and the **** started hitting the fan. Her parents found out. Her family is not mormon, so they were much more accepting, although still not all for it. I stayed with her through the whole thing. A year after that I started having feelings for another girl. I ended up taking this other girl on a date, and we kissed. MOST STUPID DECISION EVER. I don't know what I was thinking. But I was honest and told the first girl what happened. She was so heartbroken and I still had the nerve to ask her to let me date this other girl. I will never forgive myself for putting her through that. Anyways long story short, I left the other girl for the first. We continued with or relationship in secret, even after my parents found out (now that was just a GREAT day). After four years this past October we were in a sort of dating sort of not dating relationship because of the fact that I am LDS, and did not want to leave the church. Naturally I had this internal conflict of not knowing what in the world to do. Do I leave the church and lose my family and everything I have grown up knowing, or do I lose the girl that I love with everything I have. Unfortunately I couldn't figure it out. We got into so many arguments near the end, because I would get jealous and controlling of her being around other bi girls, or because I was just so far away (we went to different universities). All the arguments were because I couldn't figure out what I wanted until it was too late and she had had enough. She left me over a phone call saying how she loved me, but she couldn't anymore. She promised to never leave me, that she would always love me and that we would always have each other. I was enough of a chump to believe her. Now I am kicking myself for getting so far in and losing her. She means the world to me. And she is already into a serious relationship 2 weeks after we broke up. She not only was my love, she was my best friend. One of the only people to know my bisexual secret. I lost her, because I couldn't come out of the closet soon enough. Both her and her girlfriend have blocked me on facebook, and she won't say a single thing to me anymore. I went to see her and her family, and she couldn't say a thing to me. She couldn't even look me in the eye. Her mother had to do all the talking. It kills me to know she is with this other girl, because I still love her so much. To know that she is so happy being open about her sexuality with this other girl. To know that I was so replaceable after all we went through. It has been 3 months now. The pain is unlike anything I have ever experienced. I have no support from parents who are just saying "I told you so", and friends having no idea we were even dating. So here I am reaching out for sympathy and advice on how to cope with this, because I used to be a strong, independent, happy person, and now I am a walking corpse. A life as a walking corpse...yeah not so fun. So tell me your heartbreak stories. Tell me how there is hope after all the heartache, and tell me how in the world I even begin to start moving on without my best friend.
D78 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 When the love of your life is your best friend, too, it hurts a lot worse when they leave. I wish I had the answer on how to get through this, but I'm dealing with the same thing. I know it feels better if you don't contact her. You will (slowly) be able to get through the pain. You will be able to evaluate your relationship and the things that caused problems (cheating, religion, jealousy), and use what you've learned to be a better person. It sounds like you have a lot of soul-searching to do, such as figuring out how you can fit a relationship in with your religion and family. She forced you to finally do what you had been putting off all this time. If you want her back, or want to date someone else, you're going to have to figure yourself out or you will have another troubled relationship. There is always hope. Good luck.
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