Div Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 In case it hasn't been stressed enough, looking at your exs Facebook in ANYWAY (wall, photos, profile pics etc) whatsoever is breaking NC!! I felt so good but after a weak moment of seeing her tagged in a photo I decided to click on it and read her profile for a bit (its quite private, but still a fair bit is public). I saw things I did not want to see! I feel the exact same churning feeling in my chest as I did when I broke NC. So please don't do it!
D78 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 It took me a while to delete him and his family members as my FB friends. It was my last step to eliminating him from my life as much as possible. It felt really good to do it. Now I can go to FB and get kind messages from friends. He is no where to be seen. I highly recommend it to everyone.
LoveBug1989 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm guilty of this...even though i deleted him from my friends I can still look at his wall and photos. I need to stop because all have seen is a comment to one of his female friends about a "song lyric that will forever be yours" and it only infuriated me, delaying my healing. I need to wear a rubber band around my wrist i can snap if I think about looking at his profile.
Author Div Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 You absolutely must do it! In fact its probably worse than breaking NC because you can find anything out... at least when you talk to them they generally hide details that may hurt you!
Good Arms Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 My ex started posting positive messages like "feeling carefree" and things within a week or two of dumping me. I felt betrayed that she'd be so insensitive, seeing as she ended things on amicable terms. She must have known I'd more than likely see them, and surely she knew how much pain I would have been in. It was enough to convince me to block her updates from my feed. Then she went and posted about someone else at my workplace liking her - just 3 weeks on from our break-up. I only saw it by mistake as mutual friends commented, so it came up in my feed. I couldn't believe it, it made me sick to my stomach. Still does now, getting on for a month later. How the hell could she be so insensitive? I've finally found the courage to block her - it hurt like hell, as it was cutting that final connection, and at first I hoped we could somehow stay as 'friends'. But I know now that though your mind goes crazy wondering what they're up to, for your own good you have to block them. Defriending or hiding their wall posts isn't enough alone to resist temptation.
marqueemoon4 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 a few weeks after my ex left I noticed her sister in law (who she had cut off for over a year) was posting in every FB update she made saying things like "i'm so glad you're happy" etc. I asked her about it and she had the nerve to say I was reading too much into things.
abust1 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Yes, the block feature is a must. As is purging all but your closest of mutual friends so there is next to no chance of seeing and photos, posts, comments, and whatever other stupid features facebook is rolling out. I have been dropping mutual friends one by one over the past year and am down to 4. Unfortunately it seems you can really only learn this lesson (and most of the others people preach on here) through your own mistakes and misery.
Hades Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 In case it hasn't been stressed enough, looking at your exs Facebook in ANYWAY (wall, photos, profile pics etc) whatsoever is breaking NC!! I felt so good but after a weak moment of seeing her tagged in a photo I decided to click on it and read her profile for a bit (its quite private, but still a fair bit is public). I saw things I did not want to see! I feel the exact same churning feeling in my chest as I did when I broke NC. So please don't do it! I agree. This is one of the worst things you can do. Thankfully, my X impulsively deleted me. However, his page is not private. I guess I could peek if I really wanted to. But I won't do that to MYSELF. A picture would be too painful at this point. OMG, I can't imagine seeing his words typed out or status updates. Everything would be taken really personal. "What did he mean by that? Oh he wants me to think ... " My mind and thoughts would race. It's so not worth it. I thought about blocking him, but he's already deleted me. I decided it would be too much effort to block him. Indifference is much more effective. Ciao!
Leandro Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I haven't seen her FB for over 4 months. Still NC for over 4 months. I deleted my account to make sure I don't see her profile.
slamma19 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 So, so true! I deleted my ex boyfriend and most of his friends, and it made things so much easier. His profile was quite private too so I couldn't snoop, but just in the past few days he changed his privacy settings so now I can see his wall. So now I'm considering blocking him, but that seems a bit extreme. But anyways removing any reminders of your ex from facebook is the way to go, it has definitely helped in my healing. Be strong!
health Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 In case it hasn't been stressed enough, looking at your exs Facebook in ANYWAY (wall, photos, profile pics etc) whatsoever is breaking NC!! I felt so good but after a weak moment of seeing her tagged in a photo I decided to click on it and read her profile for a bit (its quite private, but still a fair bit is public). I saw things I did not want to see! I feel the exact same churning feeling in my chest as I did when I broke NC. So please don't do it! Oh man, you are sooo right! You know I was no contact for 2 years - and within 1 year and half I checked her facebook. I just checked it now too - my goal is not to look at it for one whole year - it's so hard though. I will get through this.
AC06 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I deleted my Facebook almost two years ago for a combination of reasons. One was that a crazy ex, no matter how many years it has been since she broke up with me, is, well, crazy, and has no issue doing some Facebook stalking and reminding everyone who "I belong to". The other was that the new girlfriend's ex was the same, and it was messing with my head to see him writing stuff on her wall which she would promptly delete but never mention. Facebook is BAD and honestly, if people aren't over someone, they should delete them from their friends. It doesn't mean you can't re-add them when you're in a better place, but it won't help you when you're trying to cope.
melenkurion Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 He deleted himself within a week of the breakup, so I haven't felt the need to delete myself. I guess that's pretty lucky. There isn't anything to avoid. A couple of days ago I went through and deleted all pictures of him I had out on FB. It was cathartic.
homebrew Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If you are a dumpee and you choose to look at your EXes facebook... I seriously question your sanity! If you are considering looking at the Dumpers facebook... I suggest doing the following instead: 1. You want to feel pain, you really want to be hurt. Let's do that but in a far more constructive manner. 2. Get a hammer and hit yourself as hard as you can in the head! 3. You will be unconscious... You will not be able to look at their facebook. In that time, hopefully the need / desire to check their facebook has pasted. 4. When you come back too, I promise whatever pain you are now feeling... It will hurt a lot less than looking at the dumpers facebook. Another plus, you will recover from hitting yourself in the head a lot sooner than looking at your EXes facebook. After doing the above (or actually looking at their facebook) a few times, I promise you will be cured of that need / desire. Getting dumped is hard enough as it is... Why would you insist on making it 1000 times worse?
bl22 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 If you are a dumpee and you choose to look at your EXes facebook... I seriously question your sanity! If you are considering looking at the Dumpers facebook... I suggest doing the following instead: 1. You want to feel pain, you really want to be hurt. Let's do that but in a far more constructive manner. 2. Get a hammer and hit yourself as hard as you can in the head! 3. You will be unconscious... You will not be able to look at their facebook. In that time, hopefully the need / desire to check their facebook has pasted. 4. When you come back too, I promise whatever pain you are now feeling... It will hurt a lot less than looking at the dumpers facebook. Another plus, you will recover from hitting yourself in the head a lot sooner than looking at your EXes facebook. After doing the above (or actually looking at their facebook) a few times, I promise you will be cured of that need / desire. Getting dumped is hard enough as it is... Why would you insist on making it 1000 times worse? this is true, checking their facebook will set you back to day 1...and trust me, it doesnt feel good to be back there. You dont realise how far youve come in no contact till you are back to day 1 again, then you are just wishing to be back where you was. Do yourself a favour and block the person or better yet, delete the facebook until you can say you are COMPLETELY 100 percent over the person.
makelemonade1974 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 Googling their name counts as contact too. I deleted my facebook account after the breakup because I was basically fed up with social networking. I looked at his page when I was at a mutual friend's house one day and noticed he still has all the pics up of the two of us which makes me furious. I googled him yesterday (because I'm stupid) and found out he recently won an award for his work. Again, I was furious because (for complicated reasons) I feel like I was dumped because I got in the way of his career advancement (so he thinks). I don't feel like he deserves any success so I don't want to know about it. It's better to skip the internet stalking entirely. It will just make you feel worse. Put the energy into living your life to the fullest and focus on the fact that he / she is an idiot because he threw YOU away and you are fabulous.
AC06 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 It's better to skip the internet stalking entirely. It will just make you feel worse. Put the energy into living your life to the fullest and focus on the fact that he / she is an idiot because he threw YOU away and you are fabulous. This. No contact means NO CONTACT. As far as you're concerned, they don't exist. No Contact is like detoxing. If, for example, you have an alcohol problem, EVERY DAY you want a drink. You cannot have one. Won't walking past a bar or liquor store on purpose make you want one more?
Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I assume this means looking at phone records too. Say you have a shared phone plan and I wonder who he is talking to lol.. The first week we broke up we didn't speak I was obessesivly looking at his facebook. I txt him at the end of the to bring by baby forumla. Hours went by with no response. I flipped out deleted him and his family from my facebook. Saying if you can't even contact me when I need somthing for our son then stay the **** away from us! His facebook is private so luckily I don't have the option..
beauty0815 Posted January 6, 2011 Posted January 6, 2011 My ex started posting positive messages like "feeling carefree" and things within a week or two of dumping me. I felt betrayed that she'd be so insensitive, seeing as she ended things on amicable terms. She must have known I'd more than likely see them, and surely she knew how much pain I would have been in. It was enough to convince me to block her updates from my feed. Then she went and posted about someone else at my workplace liking her - just 3 weeks on from our break-up. I only saw it by mistake as mutual friends commented, so it came up in my feed. I couldn't believe it, it made me sick to my stomach. Still does now, getting on for a month later. How the hell could she be so insensitive? I've finally found the courage to block her - it hurt like hell, as it was cutting that final connection, and at first I hoped we could somehow stay as 'friends'. But I know now that though your mind goes crazy wondering what they're up to, for your own good you have to block them. Defriending or hiding their wall posts isn't enough alone to resist temptation. I Done the same thing . i admit i was still checking my ex's fb everytime i got on . He started to write statuses about his new girl and how he was soo happy and complete and we didnt break up too long ago it wasnt even a month yet ! i too felt low , how could he just do that too me after all we been through he could at least considered my feelings before writing that on there ...he knew i would see it too , he obviously didnt care ! so after a few days of seeing that BS of him and his happy new relationship i decided to delete him , i figured he wouldnt care anyway he didnt write me or like any of my statuses anyway . now i do admit i could still see his FB from my sisters account and i do and he is still in a relationship ...their still happy going strong , it was all too much for me ! but finally i stopped checking on his FB ..now im just trying to fully move on with my life !
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