Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Fair enough! It's only been a few hours though. Who knows what's going on with this guy. Do you think I should wait and see or should I just message him?
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Not only are you missing out on not contacting that person, you have no idea how that person feels about you if no contact was made. Keep this in mind with internet dating, not everything you see in pictures is what you get in person. True Story. Good luck. Have faith. Yes, but he would have seen that I added him to my favorites, and would have had access to my profile. He last logged on over an hour ago, and yet he has not done anything, meaning he's not interested. Or maybe it's possible he's just tired or something and won't respond right away?
Kamille Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Do you think I should wait and see or should I just message him? Honestly, in your shoes I would have contacted him by now for one main reason: I feel like the longer you wait to contact him and wonder what to do, the more you build him up in your mind. He's a stranger you think is cute. The worst thing that can happen is that he won't reply to your contact. There could be many reasons why he wouldn't respond that have nothing to do with your level of attractiveness: maybe he's already chatting with someone else he's really into, for instance.
elaina Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm trying out internet dating, and I find that I'm only messaging guys who are equal to me in attractiveness. I think I'm average to slightly below average, although my friends and coworkers tell me I'm pretty. I don't believe them, so when I'm browsing through profiles on plentyoffish, for example, I tend to not message men who are too good-looking for me. Do any of you do this as well? I just think there's no point messaging men who are too good looking, since I'm average, and the likelihood of them responding to me would be low. People are attracted to those who are close to them in attractiveness. Am I limiting myself by doing this or am I just being realistic? To give you some idea of my appearance; I'm 5 foot 4, 105 pounds, Asian, 26 years old. I think many people who are beautiful/handsome often don't consider themselves to be, unless they make their living by their appearance or are confident in their looks or are conceited (well, that is a possibility too) Also, sometimes pictures can be misleading. For example, for New Years I went to a party and thought one of my friends looked so beautiful but then when I saw pictures, she looked pretty but not as radiantly lovely as she had in real life. (I'm not a lesbian and have no sexual attraction to other girls, by the way... I just appreciate beauty when I see beauty.) So, sometimes I think that people who may not be photogenic all the time think that they are not as beautiful that they truly are. Sometimes the camera captures beauty nicely, and other times, it really misses the mark. So, I think maybe that is how you are? Maybe you think you are less beautiful than you are. Concerning internet dating, maybe you should send messages or whatever to whoever you like and feel you might connect with, instead of just basing your decision on who you feel is average/lower than average? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." is a very true saying, and maybe a man who you think is out of this world handsome will think you are out of this world gorgeous, and just didn't see your profile until you wrote him? That's a possibility, I think.
elaina Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Honestly, in your shoes I would have contacted him by now for one main reason: I feel like the longer you wait to contact him and wonder what to do, the more you build him up in your mind. He's a stranger you think is cute. The worst thing that can happen is that he won't reply to your contact. There could be many reasons why he wouldn't respond that have nothing to do with your level of attractiveness: maybe he's already chatting with someone else he's really into, for instance. Yep Good advice! Little Bird, just message him. If he answers, awesome! If he doesn't, oh well. There's still more fish in the sea
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'll second the advice about acting, rather than analyzing and waiting. Too much investment can breed disappointment and future fear of repetition. *Accept* the interest you naturally feel and act on it immediately. IMO, such will help retain a more neutral perspective no matter what the outcome. Either way, it can be unhealthy to become too invested in the outcome so early. A lifetime of making this mistake causes me to offer this advice. Good luck
tigressA Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I was in this same situation when I was first trying out online dating. Saw a profile and pictures, thought "Whoa, he's waaaaay out of my league!" He seemed smart, fun, accomplished, not to mention drop-dead gorgeous, and he was a 95% match with me. I decided to suck up my insecurity and message him anyway. To my complete delight, he responded with enthusiasm, and while it didn't work out in the end (we were looking for different things) I did have two lovely dates with him and he'll always be in my memory. So just MESSAGE HIM ALREADY!
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Ok, I did it and messaged him. If he doesn't respond, it's not the end. I just hope he does!
Little Bird Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 So far, I've been corresponding with this one guy who I really like. He has interesting and funny things to say, and he's interested in meeting up (he gave me his phone #). However, I'm really terrified of meeting him in person. It's the whole problem I have with feeling unattractive. He's a good looking guy and he messaged me first, but I feel in real life, I'm not as pretty as in my pictures (and I'm not that pretty to begin with in my photos, anyways). I just don't want to see the look of disappointment on his face when we first meet. Of course, in the photos I have in my profile, I'm wearing makeup, and I have a combo of full body and head shots. I just feel like this guy is too good looking for me, and it's kind of intimidating. I have to work up the nerve to meet with him, or else I'm just delaying it and building it up even more, which would lead to even more disappointment for him.
BobSacamento Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 So far, I've been corresponding with this one guy who I really like. He has interesting and funny things to say, and he's interested in meeting up (he gave me his phone #). However, I'm really terrified of meeting him in person. It's the whole problem I have with feeling unattractive. He's a good looking guy and he messaged me first, but I feel in real life, I'm not as pretty as in my pictures (and I'm not that pretty to begin with in my photos, anyways). I just don't want to see the look of disappointment on his face when we first meet. Of course, in the photos I have in my profile, I'm wearing makeup, and I have a combo of full body and head shots. I just feel like this guy is too good looking for me, and it's kind of intimidating. I have to work up the nerve to meet with him, or else I'm just delaying it and building it up even more, which would lead to even more disappointment for him. Personally I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket. It will take the pressure off a bit. You can look at it as "Well if A doesn't feel it with me I still have B next week." I have 3 I'm working on right now. Like you, 1 I'm really into and the other two I'm basically giving a shot.
Billy_Boy Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 You are approaching PoF with the wrong mind set... 1st of all, I met my current gf on PoF we have been dating since July. I feel that I was pretty successful on PoF because I got a lot of numbers and I met a good amount of girls through the site, I met girls through match.com as well. but PoF was the fastest and easiest to use. The trick I used was that anyone I was interested in I sent a message to them. MANY times you will not get a reply for any number of reasons that are irrelevant. The goal of the online dating on those sites is to get a phone number to call or a facebook account or something. So you have to cast many nets to catch the fish, of course some get away, but then you get suprise catches as well. I would make your profiles public. Any guys you favorite you should also message... the trick is you need to put in enough effort to get the results you want, and when you start getting phone numbers you can start going on dates, and then you kind of find someone you like. All that over thinking youre doing is just nuts, send him out a message, and dont limit yourself from guys you feel are more attractive than you or whatever, because you never know what that guy is into or what he s actually like. He could be a really cool person who isnt shallow at all, but if you dont take a shot you wont ever know, and wheres the fun in that?
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