Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm trying out internet dating, and I find that I'm only messaging guys who are equal to me in attractiveness. I think I'm average to slightly below average, although my friends and coworkers tell me I'm pretty. I don't believe them, so when I'm browsing through profiles on plentyoffish, for example, I tend to not message men who are too good-looking for me. Do any of you do this as well? I just think there's no point messaging men who are too good looking, since I'm average, and the likelihood of them responding to me would be low. People are attracted to those who are close to them in attractiveness. Am I limiting myself by doing this or am I just being realistic? To give you some idea of my appearance; I'm 5 foot 4, 105 pounds, Asian, 26 years old.
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 How would you rate the men who are approaching you? Do they match up with your parameters of equality?
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 (edited) How would you rate the men who are approaching you? Do they match up with your parameters of equality? Some of the men who approach me are average looking, but I don't base my interest solely on their looks. Their written profiles can either turn me on to them or off. If I'm browsing and see a great written profile and they're too good looking, I don't approach them. I would say it's a mix of below average,average to good-looking guys who show interest, but I've recently changed my profile to hidden. I'd rather look for guys and initiate contact than waiting for them to message me. Edited January 3, 2011 by Little Bird
PhillyDude Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm trying out internet dating, and I find that I'm only messaging guys who are equal to me in attractiveness. I think I'm average to slightly below average, although my friends and coworkers tell me I'm pretty. I don't believe them, so when I'm browsing through profiles on plentyoffish, for example, I tend to not message men who are too good-looking for me. Do any of you do this as well? I just think there's no point messaging men who are too good looking, since I'm average, and the likelihood of them responding to me would be low. People are attracted to those who are close to them in attractiveness. Am I limiting myself by doing this or am I just being realistic? To give you some idea of my appearance; I'm 5 foot 4, 105 pounds, Asian, 26 years old. Well that must mean I should be offended because I have been getting messages from some very unattractive women on POF-lol
Kamille Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I would say it's a mix of below average,average to good-looking guys who show interest, but I've recently changed my profile to hidden. I'd rather look for guys and initiate contact than waiting for them to message me. Why? It sounds to me you would be better off keeping your profile visible. That way you know the people who write do find you attractive. Focus on the guys who write to you whom you find attractive and stop worrying about your own attraction level. ps: I think I'm average looking, but that's never stopped me from hitting on the guys I find attractive. As a result, I've dated some really hot guys. Don't limit yourself.
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Well that must mean I should be offended because I have been getting messages from some very unattractive women on POF-lol LOL. I've been getting messages from all types, so I'm not sure what that means. I also think people are more likely to approach those who are maybe a little out of their league online, because it's more discreet and less embarrassing if they end up being rejected. I'm asking about this because I found a guy on POF that I really like, but I'm afraid he's too cute for me, so I'm not sure if I should initiate anything.
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 OP, since you like to make first contact right now, my advice is to make contact with *any* man whose profile you find attractive and see where it goes. Move it to the real world, if applicable, as soon as possible so as to determine real-life chemistry/attraction. I often, in the past, found myself returning to women's profiles who were objectively 'average' but there was something 'hot' about what was presented which kept my interest. Sometimes that panned out in the real world and sometimes not. The key was pursuing what I felt and confirming/denying it IRL. So, if you find yourself returning to the profile of a 'too good looking' man and something about his totality speaks to you, go for it. It's just one potential date
PhillyDude Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I do know this year, any women who responds to me who i'm not attracted to will get this message "Sorry I don't feel the attraction"
refurb Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Wrong attitude! There is no "universal" standard of attractiveness. I remember a number of times when I've seen a girl and said "Wow! She's hot!" and my friends go and the reverse. When I was doing the online dating thing this summer I contacted ANYONE I found attractive. I think I'm pretty average, but I had some STUNNING women msg me back and a few that I actually dated. Women that i would regard as way "out of my league". So why not just contact whoever interests you? The worst they can do is not respond. You may be surprised who does! RF
hydorclops Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm asking about this because I found a guy on POF that I really like, but I'm afraid he's too cute for me, so I'm not sure if I should initiate anything. Cuteness is a matter of opinion. What if he doesn't think that he's too cute? I think you should behave as if the real cuteness ratio will be forever unknown
Yer_Blues Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 There may be no universal standard of attraction, but there are definitely evolutionary components to it. Attraction is partially hard wired, and then there is the social component which has it's own influences on attraction. There are outliers and everybody is attracted to slightly different things, but a very good portion of the population is attracted to particular things. Facial symmetry, masculinity/femininity, various ratios, and body type are not purely random preference. If only the world was that perfect
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 There may be no universal standard of attraction, but there are definitely evolutionary components to it. Attraction is partially hard wired, and then there is the social component which has it's own influences on attraction. There are outliers and everybody is attracted to slightly different things, but a very good portion of the population is attracted to particular things. Facial symmetry, masculinity/femininity, various ratios, and body type are not purely random preference. If only the world was that perfect I agree with you there, which is why I'm reluctant to message this guy who's profile seems perfect for me. He's cute and although the worst he could do is not respond to me, I'm afraid even that would turn me off from internet dating. I'm cynical about the whole online dating thing, but I'm giving it a try because almost everyone I know has had success with it (2 married and one dating seriously).
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I added a guy to my "favorites" over an hour ago, which means he get's notified of this by POF. I see that he logged in after I added him (which was an hour ago), but he has yet to respond. Does this mean he looked at my profile and is uninterested, or should I just suck it up and message him anyways?
krz12 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I added a guy to my "favorites" over an hour ago, which means he get's notified of this by POF. I see that he logged in after I added him (which was an hour ago), but he has yet to respond. Does this mean he looked at my profile and is uninterested, or should I just suck it up and message him anyways? You'll go mad if you over-analyze and over-think things like this.
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 You'll go mad if you over-analyze and over-think things like this. So, I should just message him?
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 What do you *want* to do? Well, I want to message him, but if he saw that I added him to my favorites and yet has not responded, than I'm thinking there's no point in contacting him if he's not interested. But then, maybe he's waiting for me to initiate first contact? Argh, I am over analyzing this.
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Well, I want to message him Sometimes life is simple
PhillyDude Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 As a guy, if I get a message from POF that a certain girl added me to her favorites, if i'm attracted I respond right away.
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 As a guy, if I get a message from POF that a certain girl added me to her favorites, if i'm attracted I respond right away. Ok, well there's my answer. That really sucks, because I really liked his profile A LOT. We have a lot in common, but if he's not attracted, that's life, I guess.
Kamille Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Ok, well there's my answer. That really sucks, because I really liked his profile A LOT. We have a lot in common, but if he's not attracted, that's life, I guess. If you add him to your favorites, can he then see your profile?
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 If you add him to your favorites, can he then see your profile? Yes, he can.
PhillyDude Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 If you add him to your favorites, can he then see your profile? Yes he can
Little Bird Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Yes he can Uh, it's actually grammatically correct with the comma, if that was what you meant.
Kamille Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Yes he can Fair enough! It's only been a few hours though. Who knows what's going on with this guy.
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