Feeling like I'm wrong.

[TheTwist]

Sorry my first post is a wall of text...

 

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. I guess I hate feeling like I'm wrong. I've read many stories on these forums and mine is not nearly as painful as half of them. My story is a simple one really, it ended horribly but I'm very much at terms with it.

 

I'm in the military, so yes this is partly a LDR type thing. It all started after I got out of training, a mutual friend of mine(with a very fickle type personality) contacted me asking when I'd be home. I thought nothing of it at first, but realized after a few weeks of talking to her that she was very much interested in me. I was interested in her as well. Before I joined the military we had hung out a few times, going on a date or two. Nothing serious.

 

Something was different this time, she became very attached, I hate to admit it but those feelings of attachment were mutual. A few months go by, we talk more and more, exchanging questionable pictures, and talking about a possible future together. At the end of my military schooling it was time for me to go home.

 

At home we spent the better part of three weeks attached at the hip. Our relationship blossomed. We were both so amazed we had found someone who shared so many of the same interests, hobbies and goals. At the end of the three weeks I had to leave again, heading close to 2000 miles away. We both agreed that we would try to work it out.

 

After a month, things started to get rocky. She changed. She broke up with me (on facebook). She asked for space, I respected that, I backed off. After a few days of close to no contact I get an email:

 

"Why are you ignoring me? What did I do to make you so mad at me?"

 

Of course, at the time I really liked said female. I tried to move in closer in fear of hurting her. However, after a few days of trying to be close with her again she said she needed more space. Again, I obliged.

 

"Do you hate me or something?"

 

This was getting old. She asked for space, I gave it to her. A few days later I would get a message from her acting like she didn't want the space. This evolved into many arguments, inducing stress on both parties. I tried to get to the bottom of what was happening. A mistake. She explained that the distance was killing her, she couldn't do the distance. And that when I was home she said to herself that she couldn't be any happier. But as soon as I left it felt like a kid getting her candy taken away.

 

Fast forward a few weeks, she has a new boyfriend. He also lives very far away from her. I couldn't wrap my head around why she broke up with me because of distance yet aquires a new boyfriend of equal distance. I inquired again, breaking no contact, she explained that I pushed her away. I was stressing her out too much. She wanted to be friends.

 

I explained that there was no way, at the state I was in that I could be friends with her. So I initiated no contact again. New years eve I broke no contact, telling her that it was nesscessary for me to have done that if she wanted to be friends with me. I was very much still romantically interested in her. So finally I'm over her, and honestly just wanted her to be happy and wanted a real friendship with her. But heres the kicker, she wanted nothing to do with me now. She claimed that the no contact had given her time to think. She was happier now, and not stressed. And asked me never to contact her again.

 

I obliged.

 

Funny how you do something for someone for it only to backfire. I'm not bitter. Again, I really don't know why I wrote this. I'm fine, I'll even go out on a limb to say I'm happy again. But why can't I shake this feeling of me being the one to blame?

[Graceful]

Since you're fine with everything, and since I'm feeling a little feisty on your behalf, I'm going to give it to you straight. Is that ok?

 

I'm not even sure why I'm writing this. I guess I hate feeling like I'm wrong.

When I get done with this, you won't feel that way. So hold on.

I'm in the military, so yes this is partly a LDR type thing. It all started after I got out of training, a mutual friend of mine(with a very fickle type personality) contacted me asking when I'd be home. I thought nothing of it at first, but realized after a few weeks of talking to her that she was very much interested in me.

Ok, so she's fickle. You know it. Now I know it, too.

 

So for purposes of this discussion, we won't call this a BRIGHT RED FLAG, but we'll just call it a red flag. And she's the one who contacted you, and she's the one who showed interest in you.

 

You have a bit of a fling for three weeks and then leave to go on duty 2000 miles away. That's a pretty big deal in my book. So what does she do? She breaks up with you on Facebook.

 

How very mature of her.

 

Not only that, but she asks you to give her space, and you oblige, which from 2,000 miles away, must have been fairly easy. I don't know how much more space someone can give.

 

So then she sends you an email that says:

 

"Why are you ignoring me? What did I do to make you so mad at me?"

So this to me, is a true red flag. What's the fine line between giving someone space, ignoring them? How does this equate to being "mad"? Plus she broke up with you. So even if you were "mad", why is she being apologetic about it?

 

Beats me.

 

So you jockey for position again, b/c you like her. And what does she do again, now for the second time? She sends you another email:

 

"Do you hate me or something?"

So you know, I'm getting worn out just reading about this chick. And I wasn't even the one trying to communicate with her.

 

This was getting old. She asked for space, I gave it to her. A few days later I would get a message from her acting like she didn't want the space. This evolved into many arguments, inducing stress on both parties. I tried to get to the bottom of what was happening. A mistake. She explained that the distance was killing her, she couldn't do the distance. And that when I was home she said to herself that she couldn't be any happier. But as soon as I left it felt like a kid getting her candy taken away.

No, she is not a kid. And you aren't candy.

 

She is a woman who approached you and you tried to have a r/l with her. She gives you the runaround. She has a real "passive-aggressive" personality, and is moreorless a selfish twit.

 

Sorry, you said you were over her, so is it ok if I call her a selfish twit, because I call it like I see it. Thanks.

 

Unfortunately you broke NC, but that's water under the dam. She got a new BF and you were probably so dumbfounded you just couldn't wrap your head around it, so you contacted her, but all she did was twist it all up again.

 

Made no sense then, and it makes no sense now. And let me tell you, I'm pretty good at this stuff. So if it makes no sense to me, you're getting a decent sanity check.

 

But heres the kicker, she wanted nothing to do with me now. She claimed that the no contact had given her time to think. She was happier now, and not stressed. And asked me never to contact her again.

Of course she did this. She wanted control over you. Now she got to be the one to call the shots. She didn't like it when you went NC on her, so she sent you emails to put you on the defensive.

 

Funny how you do something for someone for it only to backfire.

Nothing backfired as far as I am concerned. She wants you to think it backfired. You didn't lose out on anything.

 

Stay tuned. The guy she's going out with now will be posting her on LS any day now. I can just see it coming.

 

Thank you for your service. You've got way more important things to think about I am sure, and I hope I put your mind at ease that you did nothing wrong and should not blame yourself for anything.

 

Give yourself a pat on the back for getting away from her. Yeah, that's more like it.

Edited January 3, 2011 by Graceful

[Keridan]

^^ I agree with Graceful. You got nothing to feel guilty about!

 

Also, I am thankful, too, for your service!

[TheTwist]

 

When I get done with this, you won't feel that way.

 

Thank you.