ech Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I have 2 questions actually..... First one: I have been with my BF for 2 years and whne we first got togther we were into the master/slave stuff. We even went as far as to have him "share" me with his friend. BAD I know. So I didnt feel as though there were many "feelings" on his part for me. I loved him very early on. NOW its been like a month since we have had sex, def NO "slave" stuff going on. Which is fine. But I feel like he doesnt want me. I dont think its my looks, I have lost weight, get alot of comments ect...When I asked him why we stopped doing that stuff he said its because I wasnt his "girl" back then, but know I am, so he no longer wants to. HOW can a man just throw a fetish away like that, and if thats true, WHY doesnt he want to have sex with me? Does he have regrets about sharing me? or things he did? I cant get answers out of him. 2nd question: He also is showing signs of being controlling, I thought in the beginning it was the "slave" thing and it was part of the game. But that "game" has stopped and he is still doing odd ****. Like HE has to pick the places we go. If I have my shirt sleeve covering my hands he gets mad. I have to open his beers. Little things like that....is this a HUGE red flag for abuse in the future? Or is he just a moody man? lol He is a cop, and is under alot of stress;) Thanks SO much (in advance) for your advice!
hART Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Maybe once he learned to respect you, he didn't want to play the S&M game anymore. That could be a red flag for abuse, What does he say when you disagree? Does he have a temper? Does he throw things or insult you in anger? Those would be clear signs of violence and potential abuse. How do you feel about the controlling behavior? I can understand the loss of interest in it. I got into it with extreme enthusiasm, but also left the scene with equal enthusiasm. I realized I loved passion, not pain. The sensation was cool and everything, but not in a sexual way. As far as losing interest in sex, how recent was the encounter with the friend? Is he showing any sign of depression at all? Does he seem jealous or possessive? If you are uncomfortable enough with all this to come here, maybe it is time for a break. Trust your intuition on this one.
Author ech Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Thanks Hart....yes he is showing signs of depression. He just showed his first sign of a "temper" this weekend. Not at me, but while doing something else. He threw a door. Then said sorry to me;) And the encounter with his friend was about a year ago. So I am not sure if that has anything to do with the no sex thing. He says he really regrets it. He doesnt seem jealous at all, yet lol
hART Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Depression could be causing the low sex drive. Are there other things he is losing interest in? Do you know what might be causing it, like is there any recent change in his life (bad or good)? That temper could become a problem. Maybe since he cares about you he can't do the S&M thing anymore. Have you talked with him about the sex? Can you both afford couples counseling?
Author ech Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 I think your right about the depression causing it, even his mom noticed it. I think its his job. He's a undercover cop. So it is pretty stressful for him. I have talked to him, He says its not me, he just has alot going on, but as a woman, its hard for me to think its not me:rolleyes:Thanks for your help!!
hART Posted January 11, 2011 Posted January 11, 2011 No problem! That sounds stressful, especially being a domineering person confronted everyday with situations out of his control. If he is stressed out and depressed it probably isn't you.
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