Why aren't women as eager and anxious to date and have sex as men are?

[Mark11]

Before anyone responds, I'd like to re-emphasize that I'm not just talking about sex. I'm also talking about when it comes to dating and obtaining relationships also. Overall courtship. Anyway, I've heard that women want it just as much as guys do, but it doesn't seem like it. It seems like men usually play the role of chasing the woman and having to seduce her into courtship or sex, or be rejected. And the woman usually plays the role of dressing provocatively, but still being on the defensive from guys who they think are trying to hit on them, careful of even guys they hang out with as friends. Men are usually trying to either get girlfriends or get laid. Women are usually trying to avoid men trying to be their boyfriend, or ask them out, and they're extremely careful of who they have sex with because they don't want to get "taken advantage of". Why is it that men don't see sex or one night stands as something they need to protect themselves from for fear of being "taken advantage of"? Why do women make it so hard for men to have their companionship? Why is it that women aren't out proactively trying to get laid and talking to guys to get their numbers, go on dates, etc. And why is it that on dating sites, women get waaay more responses than guys? At parties, bars, and clubs, if men have had a few drinks they usually get hornier. Women might get hornier after a few drinks too, but they become more protective also because women who are drunk are careful not to get "taken advantage of". But guys who are drunk don't see it that way.

[LuLu65]

That's a lot of questions......basically I think it's that women get labeled easy or a whore when they act that way, by both men and women. That might seem an old fashioned answer but nothing has really changed about the double standard for men and women. So they may well want to be more active in the sex department or the pursuit of male companionship but don't want to be seen as loose by male or females.

[dreamingoftigers]

Because women often aren't hormonally driven as often to have sex with men.

 

As well men will lie to get it. A lot of men won't take the time to properly stimulate us or make sure we are having a good time. A lot of men don't even know how to stimulate us. Some even end up hurting our parts (being to rough on the sensitive places, going in when we are not ready).

 

Throughout history we have been programmed to consider the fact that we bear children and we don't want to risk being tied down to just anyone or better yet, have the guy not help us at all.

 

Societally we are looked at as sluts if we pursue and are subject to ostracism (check out My Girlfriend's Past thread).

 

Men have a statistically higher chance of raping you (beating you/killing you), so you have to be careful about who you go home with. Not saying dudes are like this, just enough of them throughout history to make you wary.

 

Women don't get as aroused as often by looks (I know that a guy that seems like he hasn't gotten too much of it will actually present the vulnerability to me that makes me want to give him a pleasant surprise).

 

Women would seem to be more varietal in what attracts them, if you do a "hot girls" poll like 40% of men would vote Halle Berry and 30% would maybe vote Angelina Jolie (or whatever)

 

If you took a "hot guys" poll it would be more like 10% voted Brad Pitt, 7% would vote George Clooney, 6% would vote Obama (or some power guy) 5% would vote for (rich guy) 5% would vote for Justin Bieber (feminine guy) 1% would vote for Oliver Platt (okay, that's me and it would probably be less then 1%)

 

Point being, women tend to be more varietal with a different set of attractions and men tend to be drawn by looks that fall a certain way. If you think about it, it really does ensure the survival of the species (you get the most utilitarian traits going with the women that are most likely to bear healthy offspring.)

 

 

 

So we would be investing in a somewhat rationed supply of sexual arousal while having to assess risks knowing that said guy could easily be a) using us to cheat on someone else (still more stats showing male cheating) b) going to get us in bed and last about 6 seconds c) getting us pregnant d) other risk factors involving safety and security not to mention sex is often an emotional connection for us, and we do not want to invest in an emotional connection with just anyone. Sex clouds our judgment, most of us know that.

[waynebrady]

Wow, I wonder the same thing. I have made countless of posts about the same subject here. Some people maybe will think we're the same person .

 

I have concluded that the reason women aren't as intrested in sex and relationships with men is... that they just aren't. It's the way it is. Maybe that's just how nature(or god, whatever you want) created us. Why are we as men so intrested in wanting to have relationships and companionship with women? We just are. It's in our nature to like women and desire women. In the same way it's possible that it's not in the female nature to like men and desire men(as much).

[hART]

Well, I had a whole anti-hollywood rant. Essentially it comes down to this: Women are enculturated differently than men. I'm more careful, because sex is a bonding experience. Once I get it on with someone, my heart is in it too. There is just a natural trigger where I'm constantly looking for something more than sex. For one, sex is better with someone when I love and trust them.

[Mark11]

I don't know if some people that are responding are reading the paragraph. I'm not just talking about which gender is seeking sex or careful of who they have SEX with. Im also talking about when it comes to dating and relationships. It's always men who play the role of being proactive in meeting women, getting their number, asking them out, etc. And it's always women who are kind of on the defensive, being selective, etc. Men are trying to get with women, and women are not doing the same (at least not obviously or proactively). Women don't say pick up lines or try to get guys at bars. Why?

[skydiveaddict]

Because if you are an attractive girl, you can have anyone you want. You don't have to play games or chase

[hART]

It is a cultural thing. I never needed to chase the guy, why start now? This is going to sound hypocritical, but I appreciate the courage of wanting to challenge this norm, good luck!

[carhill]

It's always men who play the role of being proactive in meeting women, getting their number, asking them out, etc. And it's always women who are kind of on the defensive, being selective, etc

 

IME, some women get more 'offensive' after they're married. They've made their 'selection' and it then becomes fun to play, with the fallback 'I'm married' as the ace in the hole, so to speak

 

TBH, the ladies who were honest about not having to because they get more than all the action they want without doing anything have it nailed. I've seen this in action with *every* woman I've ever known. A current example is a female friend working at least four guys I know of plus her exH. This is not atypical. I just smile and nod knowingly to my cat.

[Nightsky]

Because men and women are different, and you are using criteria you observe more readily in men to form your opinion.

[Citizen Erased]

Probably because if they actively go for it like guys can/do, they can lose out on a great guy because they've been with too many guys before them.

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't know if some people that are responding are reading the paragraph. I'm not just talking about which gender is seeking sex or careful of who they have SEX with. Im also talking about when it comes to dating and relationships. It's always men who play the role of being proactive in meeting women, getting their number, asking them out, etc. And it's always women who are kind of on the defensive, being selective, etc. Men are trying to get with women, and women are not doing the same (at least not obviously or proactively). Women don't say pick up lines or try to get guys at bars. Why?

 

Not true, I have done this, never had to use a cheesy line though. I wouldn't try to get a guy at a bar though, just strikes me as someone I wouldn't really want to drag home to the sack all half-drunk. Stimulating a girl properly takes some intellectual and physical work. Drunkie dude ain't gonna cut it. In the past if I liked a guy enough I would ask him out (maybe one third of the time). BUT really I never had to. If you can sit back and be in demand, why bother chasing after what is going to come your way anyways? You may get some better choices but there are so many guys out there willing to take the risk that you could easily just wait a little bit.

 

I have been largely overweight most of my adult life and I never stayed single for very long. Maybe max a month. I didn't date anyone that asked either. It simply works better to scrutinize what is coming your way because you have more opportunity.

 

I suspect the wealthy often hang back and shop around for the best deals or the best quality, they don't just call up the first person that drops a "special" in their mailbox. Whereas those of us who don't have the money to hang back and wait for certain things, like the best job for instance, may take what we can get. Such is probably the same for guys and girls.

[dreamingoftigers]

I just remembered a guy we did a major job for moved from Denver to Houston back in the 70s. Denver had a higher male-to-female ratio (According to him ) and he had a hell of a time getting a date, then his company transferred him.

 

Apparently Houston at the time had remarkably low male numbers and he would go to a bar or pool party and women would try to pick him up left and right (he wasn't exactly a stud either). He said girls would come up in a club and tell him jokes or buy him a drink. He said any night he wanted company it wasn't in short supply.

 

So I guess it is supply and demand.

[carhill]

Remember, even in areas with fewer males than females in any particular age/race demographic, the alphas amongst those males, married and single, may/will be servicing multiple females, which skews the reality of the numbers. This is another reason why women aren't as eager to date; they may be otherwise occupied with a married man or polyamorous man, hence being unavailable to single unattached men.

 

IMO, the dynamic of male competition for females is truly something only a man can understand. If I happen to outlive all my male competition, and the alphas/womanizers/manwhores of my age demographic are deceased, *then* I might experience a bit of that lack of eagerness. Prior, it's just lack

[Feelin Frisky]

Women ARE. And so many do bi things too that men would never. Check out Girls Gone Wild. Or, I saw this segment the other night on TV about the drummer for a famous rock band who said he developed a sex addiction. It started when the band reached some success. Every gig he played had a least one women boldly balling this guy and he said sometimes he'd have as many as four a day. I don't think men are that bold as these women. Women have all the power in sex. The thing is that they follow the same paths quite a bit to their sexual objectives and garden variety men are left out of those objectives wondering what's so wrong with them that they are over-looked. Women ARE men--the reason men have nipples is because we are extensions of our mothers. We are what they are fundamentally and all want love and sex with some small exceptions.

 

I think there is a divide within the female population however because of sexual dysfunction, the history of sexual repression and the less-aggressiveness of women which translates into wanting to be closer and more intimate with their partners where many men are shortchanging in that department. It's more simple to characterize the male as more sexual but I think the issue is just that men are driven by testosterone toward aggression and some follow that without seeing just what connection can mean. Women are definitely NOT less sexual. They are less aggressive and that usually manifests as MORE affectionate or more wanting of extended affections.

[hART]

I just remembered a guy we did a major job for moved from Denver to Houston back in the 70s. Denver had a higher male-to-female ratio (According to him ) and he had a hell of a time getting a date, then his company transferred him.

 

Apparently Houston at the time had remarkably low male numbers and he would go to a bar or pool party and women would try to pick him up left and right (he wasn't exactly a stud either). He said girls would come up in a club and tell him jokes or buy him a drink. He said any night he wanted company it wasn't in short supply.

 

So I guess it is supply and demand.

Male To Female Ratio For Denver, CO/Colorado

 

The male to female ratio is 100:100, and the female to male ratio is 100:100.

The male population is 458,997, and the female population is 456,738.

There are 2,259 more males than females in Denver; in percentage terms, there are .49% more males than females.

The median male age is 32.85 years, and the median female age is 34.93 years.

The average household income in Denver is $43,255, and the average house value is $187,586.

Source: U.S. Census Bureau Data

 

Okay so that doesn't confirm his experience, but maybe this article posted in the local free paper, the Westword does. Here is the critical quote:

"And judging from U.S. Censusprojections for 2006, they don't. This year, in the 20-to-39-year-old age group, the ratio is 53 percent male, 47 percent female in Denver County. "

 

It makes sense if you live here. That explains why I would never need to approach a man. Yet, I still know many players who seem to have no problem finding many women here, regularly.

Edited January 11, 2011 by hART
grammer

[Cee]

I certainly go through phases where I want to screw anyone I see, but casual sex is not worth it. I've become so jaded by dozens and dozens of sexual come ons over the years. And I have been a fly on the wall hearing what men really think of women, "She doesn't need a pretty face when I'm pushing it down on the bed." I'm sure not all guys are like that, but I'm not flattered by male attention. Instead, it makes me feel sad and demoralized.

 

Recently I was on a trip and a very handsome man was all over me. He talked about how hot I was, blah, blah, blah. But all I could think was this man just wanted sex- wanted to masturbate into me. He kissed me and aggressively pushed my hand to his crotch in a bar. This is not the kind of sex I want. I was really turned off by his aggressive approach and went home alone.

 

I'm not a hearts and flowers person. I don't want a soul mate and I have no issue with casual sex. But frankly, NSA sex is fraught with so much risk. Emotional, spiritual, and physical. I'd rather wait to have sex with somebody who actually can see me as a person & not a living blow up doll.

[dreamingoftigers]

Male To Female Ratio For Denver, CO/Colorado

 

The male to female ratio is 100:100, and the female to male ratio is 100:100.

The male population is 458,997, and the female population is 456,738.

There are 2,259 more males than females in Denver; in percentage terms, there are .49% more males than females.

The median male age is 32.85 years, and the median female age is 34.93 years.

The average household income in Denver is $43,255, and the average house value is $187,586.

Source: U.S. Census Bureau Data

 

Okay so that doesn't confirm his experience, but maybe this article posted in the local free paper, the Westword does. Here is the critical quote:

"And judging from U.S. Censusprojections for 2006, they don't. This year, in the 20-to-39-year-old age group, the ratio is 53 percent male, 47 percent female in Denver County. "

 

It makes sense if you live here. That explains why I would never need to approach a man. Yet, I still know many players who seem to have no problem finding many women here, regularly.

 

I mentioned that he had his experiences in the 1970s.

[hART]

Indeed you did, but nothing wrong with getting some updated statistics for the sake of conversation.

[dreamingoftigers]

Indeed you did, but nothing wrong with getting some updated statistics for the sake of conversation.

 

Oh nothing wrong at all, I just thought that you didn't notice that part.