Intercontinental Lovestory

[Found_and_Lost]

Hi Everybody,

 

The latest events brought me into this forum where i read so many good story’s, advices and experiences that i decided to write down my Love/Break-up Story. Partially for egoistic reasons, because it helps to deal with thing and especially because i hope that other people can learn from my mistakes. Prepare for a long, movie-like love story with no happy ending.

 

## Intercontinental Love-Story ##

 

In early 2009 I decided to change my life, i made good money working but felt that there has to be more than that. In a good friend i found a travel-buddy and we decided to take our turn in exploring the world. At that time i was 25.

 

We travelled from Switzerland, where i come from, thru Europe and India. We had such a bad time in India that we decided to hang out in Thailand for a while where we also started to dive. With the new found love in this sport we thought it is a good idea to make a living out of it and we worked our way up to the Instructor level. During that time i learned to know the most wonderful person in my life, lets call her Zoe. I liked her immediately and she was in a short amount of time my best friend. The best friend i ever had!

 

Found Her

 

She also decided to do the Instructor courses and we spent all our time together. I was always kind of alone and never had a proper long term relationship; basically I was never really open when it got into a real relationship with girls. With her it was so different, she had this wonderful ability to crack open my hull and more and more i fell for her. I was deeply in love with that girl, but she just came out of 5 Year relationship and just wanted to be friends. But how life goes, after some month, we found each other and went from "Friends" to "Couple" and lived the sweet live in the sun, deeply in love with each other.

 

Our relationship took the first big hit when she told me that she was accepted at the teachers college in her hometown in Canada, where she applied nearly a year ago. We didn’t talk about that for a long time because she was sure it would mean the end until i decided on one lovely day that i will move with her to Canada. At that time she was already moved in with me in my shabby little Thai-room, because she was basically broke and i just didn’t want her to leave. Just to clarify, she was not happy with me spending my money on her, but i wanted it to be like that. We've been sure that everything will work out and she left, heading home. I left the sun as well and went home to Switzerland and with luck and some help of friends i found a job in my initial area as an IT-Engineer for three month to make a good amount of money to support her in her plans and finance my life in the capital of Canada. The long distance thing was hard, it was really really hard and nothing goes over the joy i felt when i took her into my arms at the airport in late 2010. Life was never better and my love for her grew deeper and deeper.

 

Starting to loose her

 

Because i was not able to get a work permit i could not do a job up there and decided to be the house-man. I cooked, did the laundry and the shopping, cleaned the little apt. . I tried everything to keep myself busy and her happy. Beside the school she was doing she also worked and that combination was the reason for a lot of stress. I was always home and tried to help as good as i could but little things started to annoy me way over normal. I was keeping everything clean and tidy but she had the bad habit to make things messy. Not really a big deal, but for me it was enough to take constant hits at her. For example, i could not understand how somebody could forget to put a plastic bag in the garbage bin every single time or pile cloths up in every corner instead of putting them together where i can pick them up when i do my laundry as well. We had many fights in a short amount of time, something around 3 month and i think that was the point where i made the biggest mistake in my life. I have a bad temper, my red-rpm value is high but when it was to much i just exploded. My anger was quick and strong, but also gone very fast while hers was slow and steady. Once she even told me that I scare her when im angry at something.

At one point we had a fight about a stupid little thing again and because i was just sick of us being stubborn i tried to make it better and bring her to understand what i was feeling and thinking. At that point she just ignored me and i made a wrong move, a very wrong move, i grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her to me so she has to face my explanation. I did it fast and way to strong. She was shocked and i think that was the last drop that had to fall.

 

Weeks went by and she was moody and unhappy, so was i. I still tried to do everything for her, if i could think of something that would help her, i did it. But it was too late. One early morning i walked with her to school and she told me that she is breaking up with me. I could not believe it and told her that we talk later. Hours later i had to face the devastation of being dumped by the person that was my life and my future. Over a few days i sent my stuff back home and packed my things up, booking a ticket home.

 

Is everything lost?

 

I cried, i cried like i never did before. The pain was so heavy i just could not stop. It was a horrible situation to live days with the person you love so much but to know you have to leave. I begged on my knees that i understand what’s wrong and that we could work things out, but nothing. I promised her to take an anger management class, just to prove that I am willing to do everything I can to make things better. When she brought me to the airport i took her the last time in my arms and told her that she is the most important thing in my life and that I love her more than anything else. She walked away to the taxi but turned around before getting in, walking up to me and hugged me again. I red glowing dagger drilled thru my heart at that moment and I stood there for another ten 10minutes and cried my brains out, alone.

 

On the 23. of December i was home with my family. Since then we never spoke face to face (skype in that matter) and just had minimal email contact. I never felt so bad in my life and i think i would rather have surgery without being knocked out than feeling what i am feeling since then. She was my life, my future, i was already planning on proposing to her. I was ready to spend my life with this wonderful person that opened up my mind. Now I constantly feel like i am going to be sick, i cannot eat and my sleep is more then bad. I miss her with every fibre in my body, every minute of the day. Holidays, no Job, back at the Guest Room in my Parents Place. I think I never run and walked as many miles as I did the last couple days.

 

For me the mistakes are clear now and i cannot understand why i didn’t see that stuff when it was time for it. I was home, all the time and did not give her the space she needed to be this social active and easy going girl she was. Instead of finding a thing to do, meet people and build my own life, everything turned around her. I didn’t treat her with the respect she deserved and my constant nagging drove her away from me. She felt constant responsibility for my happiness. Instead of being her pillar of support, i transformed into a stress-factor beyond believe because i tried to be there for her every minute of the day. I dropped advice instead of just listened to her and give her a back rub. “It’s ok, everything will work out”. She was for sure not fault free as well, a lot of times I felt like she did not want to try making things right, just because she was sure that I was the problem. Beside that, she had a very bad time forgetting about bad things, instead of let things go when they are cleared up, she piled them and recalled all the stuff when another fight or problem was waiting.

 

After what i heard, she is already kind of hooking up with another guy and im not sure how to interpret that. I know she is not good in dealing with those feelings and i just hope she is not jumping into another relationship as a try to get over me as fast as possible. I think in this situation it is very easy for a guy to manipulate her because one of her strongest attributes is also a massive weak point. She gets along with guys better as with girls and she believes that they can be friends. They are flirting and I think she just has found somebody that gives her the attention she did not had for a while, even he probably just tries to score. Hearing that stuff turns my stomach upside down and drives me into furious anger.

 

To be honest, even after i read all the threads about break-ups and let somebody go, in the hope to find a way to deal with the stuff, i cannot let her go. I want her back, because when you know that you found the one person, you don’t give up just in a couple days. I made some serious mistakes and begged for forgiveness a couple times, but now, im waiting. I am waiting for her to call me, i am waiting for her to realise what we have found in each other but half of my brain knows, even if she remembers, she would probably be to stubborn to let me know that.

 

If i learned one thing so far, never take things for granted, take a step back and think about your situation and find the things you have to improve together before they kill you. Even if everything looks ok, keep your eyes and your heart open.

 

Thanks for reading this long, hopefully not too boring story. I appreciate every comment, thought and word of wisdom. If somebody knows experimental drugs i could send her in cookie form to take me back, send me a private message, jk :-)

 

Thanks and Goodnight

[durkadurka]

Dude I feel your pain. International boundaries suck. I couldn't move to be with my ex because I had to be in school at 4x the cost to get a student permit, or get married to her.

 

Just.. some things aren't your fault. This is one of those things.

[Found_and_Lost]

Thanks,

the really sad part is that i broke the boundrys of continents, left all i ever had (teaching diving in thailand, home, it job, family and friends) and it didnt work out. I know it was not only my fault, but i had it in my hands.

 

At the moment i am trying to cut her out of my life as much as i can, getting stuff back together and move on, but i feel worse and worse every day. Today i sent her the last message that says that i think we cannot be friends because i like her just to much for that. I wished her goodluck and goodbye.