OOReeee Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) Hey folks, happy new year. I'll make this simple and easy to read. Have been dating her for about 7 weeks now, what started as a very close relationship of us hanging out with each other and talking turned out to be about 75%-25% to my side effort-wise, saying that i put way too much into it than she does. She is often mad, upset (not at me, just at the world) and it's affecting the way she treating me. I feel like she just doesn't care as much as she did. Yesterday we had an amazing day together and she was so fun and today she doesn't even want to talk to me, and acts like I'm nobody. I got up and went home. On new years eve we got into a big drunk fight, I don't remember much of it, she apologized the next day. I just can't deal with it, it's driving me crazy. When we have a good time, it's amazing and I'm happy but when she decides to be kind of b*tchy, then I get upset. What should I do? I don't want her to take me for granted and I don't want to be treated this way, but she is kinda passive aggressive that I don't know how talking to her will work. Thanks Edited January 2, 2011 by OOReeee
ecm Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I was looking into this very subject last night. Is she diagnosed bipolar? If so, in addition to any advice you get on here, I'd suggest googling it. It's not pretty. If not, she sounds lovely. Lots of fun. Especially after 7 weeks, huh? Funny- thats how long before mine started acting up, too. All sarcasm aside, there is a definite difference in how I'd handle the situation if she is or is not actually bipolar. If she's just a b*tch, that's inexcusable. If it's a legitimate mental illness, it's not her fault, you know? Right now, mine is "punishing" me with silent treatment. I'm still deciding whether or not I care.
Seamless74 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 What should I do? I don't want her to take me for granted and I don't want to be treated this way, but she is kinda passive aggressive that I don't know how talking to her will work. You should move on what do you think you should do..??? I can see youve never had the experience of dating a crazy woman before... Feel free to learn the hard way if you like.. or cut your losses now..
Author OOReeee Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 I think I may have been a little harsh by claiming she is bi-polar. I don't think she is mentally ill, I would say she is just currently in an extreme roller coaster of emotions...
pappy Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 In my experience, people who have a tendency to be dramatic will remain like that most of their lives. It's up to you to determine whether you are prepared to deal with it. Such people are really fun when they're on a high, but you must also play head shrinker when they feel down. Some people can deal with it while others prefer a more relaxed relationship.
Seamless74 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 All due respect whats the difference?? No seriously your right you should let her effect your emotions and you should spend the majority of every day trying to figure out how to make her happy.. You should even ask her to move in with you pretty soon, maybe contemplate marriage have kids and then deal with your kids asking you every day whats wrong with mommy and finally when you go to the lawyer to get a divorce and he or she asks you on what grounds you can say because shes ****ing crazy!!!!!
youngskywalker Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I know nothing about bi-polarism but it doesn't matter if she has it or not. She is who she is. Forget about trying to put a label on it. If you don't like her the way she is and if she's unwilling or unable to change then time to move on. You're only going to drive yourself insane trying to help her in the context of a romantic relationship. A close friend, family or a medical specialist is needed if she has a mental issue. I don't think a b/f is going to help her and could probably make it worse.
paddington bear Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Big , red flags waving around all over the place. You are in that weird cycle of 'but when it's good it's really really good' so put up with the bad stuff. Bi-polar or not, her behaviour doesn't really sound normal to me. And if this is how she is 7 weeks into into your relationship, it can only either stay the same or get worse. (I mean, we all put our best selves forward when we meet someone). Read Seamless 74's post over and over again...you're not going to change her and if she's angry at the world, her issue. Don't get sucked into some weird co-dependent thing. I've been there, bought the t-shirt, mug and hat.
ecm Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 After reading the responses and re-reading my post, AND seeing that is sounds like she's just a spoiled brat... run. I've been trying to think positively lately, so I was trying to see both sides of it. But for real, you don't need that. Nobody does. And even if it IS due to a mental illness, there's no excuse for her to treat you that way. I just backhanded myself for part of my previous post. :lmao:
TaurusTerp Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Bi-Polar? She just sounds like a standard woman
welikeincrowds Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I dated a bipolar girl once. It was an absolute nightmare. I stuck it out for this reason: You are in that weird cycle of 'but when it's good it's really really good' so put up with the bad stuff. I believed I knew the "real her" and I really just longed for it. Unfortunately that's something we're good at, being able to ignore things to focus on others. That's why when we watch TV we don't say "Hey look at all those tiny people in that TV! How'd they even get in there?" We suspend our imagination and believe we're really watching Sam Waterston **** people up in court, and size doesn't even play a part. It's just a part of the human condition, so we should forgive ourselves when we notice that we've tricked ourselves for too long or in too toxic a way. But we have to pay attention to that, because in the end, it really is a TV, and they really are 3 inches big on that screen, and cigarettes really do kill you, and you really are unhappy in this relationship. You feel me?
Author OOReeee Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Thank you guys and I agree with you. Unfortunately it has happened to me in the past and with a similar girl who broke my heart and left me thinking, "why did I not see the red flags?" I truly thought this one is different. So what now? Well, first of all, she is undergoing hormonal treatment for the next few weeks (that's why I'm kinda cautious about jumping to conclusions), in the meantime I am going to give (and get) space. I think it's the right thing to do. We are going to see a show on wednesday, so I know we have that, and that'll be a big test for us. Should I initiate conversation at all from now until wednesday? What if she doesn't call/text me?
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Should I initiate conversation at all from now until wednesday? What if she doesn't call/text me? No. Accept it. Examine exactly why you want to remain in this dynamic and how you define what is acceptable and not acceptable to you. I've found such an honest assessment to be quite revealing. This is about *you*, not her. Learn. Accept.
paleblue Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 She sounds like a pain in the a@@ and I would prob just find another girl to date if she is making you feel this crazy after just 7 weeks.
paddington bear Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Thank you guys and I agree with you. Unfortunately it has happened to me in the past and with a similar girl who broke my heart and left me thinking, "why did I not see the red flags?" I truly thought this one is different. So what now? Well, first of all, she is undergoing hormonal treatment for the next few weeks (that's why I'm kinda cautious about jumping to conclusions), in the meantime I am going to give (and get) space. I think it's the right thing to do. We are going to see a show on wednesday, so I know we have that, and that'll be a big test for us. Should I initiate conversation at all from now until wednesday? What if she doesn't call/text me? So, please just do that, give and get space. Don't contact her! If she doesn't initiate contact, she doesn't initiate contact. Carhill is dead right. You are contributing to this by encouraging her behaviour. You are teaching her that no matter what way she behaves that you will still be there - so she never gets to learn that there are consequences to her actions. It sounds to me liked you are hooked on her (and I don't mean in the hooked emotionally way, I mean addicted). It wasn't the same situation, but similar, with a guy, who would be all over me one day, next, poof! Gone! Then back and super interested, then gone and all mysterious and not talking. This set up me thinking about him all the time, when would I see him again, what was he doing, why hadn't he contacted me? Should I contact him? Totally unhealthy, addiction, exactly like a drug. You get the high when you see them, then the drug is withdrawn and you crave more. Go cold turkey, let her take the hormone treatment, see if it makes a difference and even if it appears to, be wary, and wait and see if she reveals her true colours again, before you think "phew! the problem is fixed". Try and keep an emotional distance, before getting sucked in again.
sigurpol Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm just going by what I'm reading. But I've noticed the past couple years is that "bi-polar" is the new buzz thing to have or to claim. Especially when I talk to people who are having trouble with relationships (I JUST spoke to my friend last night who broke up with her boyfriend because he was "acting" bi-polar and she believes he is). Anywho, I feel like this card is a way to wash your hands free of any responsibility. Plus, it's a convenience make such claims. Like others said, I suppose it's a little different if she is clinically bi-polar. From what I'm reading, and what the OP has said, she's just extremely dramatic.
LifeIsGreat Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 If this is the way she is after only 7 weeks, there is a 99% chance it will get worse. I'm curious why you are willing to put up with this from a woman you have only been with for 7 weeks? I could see if you guys were in a LTR, and she changed- and you're trying to work it out. Why is it you're not running for the door? It seems you may have gotten way to attached way too fast, and you may want to consider why that is.
roseygirl Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 There is a stigma around bipolar disorder As a woman who is diagnosed myself, I will honestly say how ashamed I was of my behaviour over the years. Until I explored why these sudden states of rage that would occur, I truly believed it as part of my personality. There are many factors that set off a bipolar state, but the main ones are enviromental and history. Was her upbringing unstable, stressful and disruptive? Does she have a drinking/partying issues? I had dated a very patient, kind and considerate man who made me aware of my behaviours. Because I respected him over time I listened to his request for more investigation into my disorder. When I would go off into a rage and cause mayham and drama he would not get pulled into my rants and accusations. Because of this, I realized I was not ready to be in any serious relationships until I could address what my core issues were and what I was runnning away from. My insecurities would come out the most when I was partying and drinking and this was not fair to him. Bipolar disorder is very real! The states and wayward emotions is scary and intense. When its treated and managed, people with bipolar disorder can have a wonderful and successful life. But it has to be up to the person to want to get better. Then again anyone with issues needs to work on them before getting into a relationship. As I'm reading your post I see that you have developed a relationship with this woman and you do seem to care for her. With that in mind, perhaps she needs a friend who will not be pulled into her emotional rollercoaster. Perhaps with that in mind you may have to have a realistic conversation with your lady. What would you like in this relationship and what can you offer/accept from one another during this time of treatment? Respect should always be number one in any relationship whether it be friends or not. Take cares and good luck!
dispatch3d Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 stop acting like a girl. Let her do her girl thing where she flips out at nothing yadayada, ignore it, continue on. Your the guy, stop acting like you wear a dress . As in just don't participate in her fights.
Author OOReeee Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 haha yeah I guess I might be addicted, I'm just not used to not talking to her. It's gonna be a pretty hard task not to initiate any kind of communication for once, I have so many things I want to tell her.
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