makelemonade1974 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 My ex dumped me out of the blue two months ago. I thought we were really in love - even made love the night before, he told me loved me etc. etc. After the breakup I tried to contact him a few times, always with no response (apart from the day immediately after - which ended in an argument). On December 3rd I went no contact after being told "we are never going to have a conversation again." I still have no clue why he left me, apart from the fights we were having. Will I ever get answers? Do they come back after a few months no contact and explain? Btw I'm sure there's no other woman (we have mutual friends and I know).
D78 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I was dumped in a similar manner. Both me and my ex are extremely stubborn people, so I don't expect him to come back to apologize or explain anything. It seems like dumpers who could just dump you out of the blue with no explanation could also move on without feeling guilty for what they've done. It's probably easier for us to expect no answers in the future, and worry about ourselves.
2010_Sorry Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I think some dumpers don't have answers at the time... they want to cut ties and just move on... forgetting everything. I think they only come back to provide you with the answers if they're interested in reconciliation.
YellowShark Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 My ex dumped me out of the blue two months ago. I thought we were really in love - even made love the night before, he told me loved me etc. etc. What could he possibly tell you that would make it any better? Here's a guy who says he "loves" you, and has sex with you, and then dumps you the very next day. That's absolutely insane. I know it's hard but obviously he's a damn good liar and manipulator. So my advice makelemonade1974 is walk away with your head held high and never ever let this "person" back into your life. I wouldn't believe anything he says anyways. He sounds positively toxic and unhealthy.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 What could he possibly tell you that would make it any better? Here's a guy who says he "loves" you, and has sex with you, and then dumps you the very next day. That's absolutely insane. I know it's hard but obviously he's a damn good liar and manipulator. So my advice makelemonade1974 is walk away with your head held high and never ever let this "person" back into your life. I wouldn't believe anything he says anyways. He sounds positively toxic and unhealthy. Lmao - yes, this is definitely where I'm at right now. I guess I'm just pissed because he's such a coward. He could have at least explained it to me. We had a fight the last night and I'm still not sure exactly why he was angry. The following night I was told "we aren't good for each other." It's just hard - we were together for two years and we did some fighting, but nothing that couldn't have been fixed. I think if he "explained" I might feel less betrayed - might understand how the man I knew could do such a thing. I thought we would be together for a long time and were committed to each other. I just feel like an idiot and am damn pissed off - that's why I love your response YellowShark. Cathartic.
radrluv72 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 (edited) Ugh...I'm right there with you. My guy dumped me out of the blue after 2 months of dating. It's been 4 weeks now, and during that time I tried to be nice & cordial, but last week I found out that that I was potentially dumped for another girl who had a number of striking similiarites to me. At the time, he gave me a bunch on non-reason reasons as well...like he had just changed his mind on a flip of a dime. I had confronted him about this girl and told him I was sending his things back to him in Afghanistan (he's military & broke up with me 2 days before he deployed). He wanted me to keep everything & told me that he wasn't ready to talk about anything else (her). I told him not to contact me unless he was ready to have an honest conversation about whatever it was that he did, and I sent all his things back to him a few days ago. I probably made a mistake of including a hand-written letter telling him that whatever it was that he had done, I probably would have forgiven him if he had just been willing to talk about things with me, and that hopefully one day he'd find it in within himself to do that, and that I loved him. But I had to stand up for myself because I was sick & tired of waking up every day and feeling miserable. I still do, but I refuse to contact him anymore. It's all on him now, and I'm not waiting around. Not knowing the truth is the worst...it's kind of like when someone goes missing and you never, ever find out what happened to them. In your mind, you think getting real answers will give you closure, but does it really? You wind up finding out things that you probably didn't want to know, and that just creates more issues, making it even harder to let go. At that point, one has to ask themselves if they're not letting go because they really love that person & want to work things out, or is it just because they're suddenly alone? In my case, I have to tell myself that I've done everything that I can do and now I have to leave it be and take care of myself. My ex's behavior & conduct with me immeadiately after the breakup told me that there was something that he was keeping from me rather than his reasoning of that he just didn't want to be in a relationship with me...I knew he was into me and that he cared, but he did something that he couldn't bring himself to admit to me, so he ended it instead. No, it's not fair that dumpers do that, but you're only giving them the power if you continue to ask yourself why. And don't even continue to contact them to get your answers...the harder you push, the more it won't happen. Yes, there's always a reason, even if they won't give you one. But leaving it alone and moving on with your life, as painful as it feels at times, is the best thing you can do for yourself. ...And good job on implementing NC. That's the best thing you can do for yourself right now. Edited January 3, 2011 by radrluv72
Author makelemonade1974 Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Yeah, I just don't think being told "we are never going to have a conversation again" has left me hoping no contact will inspire him to have a conversation with me. And honestly, the right thing to do would be to offer an apology for being so brutal, considering we were together so long. If he contacts me, that apology better be immediately forthcoming, otherwise I don't want to have anything to do with someone capable of that kind of deceit.
D78 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 makelemonade, Instead of waiting for him to give me answers, I just found a few of my own. I think we can look at our exs' behavior and find all the answers we need, probably more than our exs could give us.
Author makelemonade1974 Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 makelemonade, Instead of waiting for him to give me answers, I just found a few of my own. I think we can look at our exs' behavior and find all the answers we need, probably more than our exs could give us. Yeah - the answer is . . . (wait for it) . . . he is not worth my time.
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