livelife Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 ** This is long but very crazy... A little while ago on here I was posting how it does get better, how you will get over your ex- but here I am, back to square one. Real quick: me and my ex dated for only 4 months but we were eachothers first everything...love, virginity, I was the first girl he cried over and infront of... broke up in March but didn't stop talking until June this summer. He got a gf over the summer but turns out he hated her and she was crazy. Each time he is done talking to a girl, he realizes how much he misses me. His friends love me and tell me all the time that they tell him that I was the best he could ever get, and they think hes finally starting to realize that. Last new years eve, it was the best me and my ex were together, and we will never forget that new years. This new years, he wasnt with me so when the ball was dropping it was upsetting but i just kept my smile. About two weeks ago before this new years, he got drunk and I had actually blocked his number and facebook so he had NO WAY of contacting me. He got drunk, called my friends non stop trying to get me to unblock him saying the sweetest and nicest stuff and that he wanted to get back with me. My friend called him when he was sober and he said although he was super drunk, what he said was true that I was the only girl hes had the strongest feelings for and that no other girl compares. I unblock him, give him a chance and he didnt really talk to me all that much. I asked him why and he just said " i just really missed you." Anyways fast foward to New years. 1:00 am. He is so drunk, texting me asking me to pick him up. he calls. he is walking on the road because his friends thought he had somewhere to stay. He almost started crying. me and my friend left our party and picked him up, he couldnt even sit up. He got out of my moving car too at one point and started walking, i stopped my car and got out and followed him. I mean seriously, I still love the guy and still have feelings for him. I can't leave someone like that on new years. we take him back to where the party was ( which was dying down anyways). He kept telling my friends that he just wanted to sleep next to me and talk to me, and that he really wanted to kiss me, my friend said he almost started crying there too. ( again, so drunk) I knew he was talking to this girl, so I asked him what happened with her when we finally got talking, he said that they were done talking. Once i started talking to him he started to seem like he could comprehend what was going on. He kept trying to get near me and kiss me and I got major butterflies each time he got near me, but I resisted him. He kept saying how he wanted to see if it felt right and stuff like that. Finally after 2 hours, i kissed him but it was only a peck. He seemed liek he knew what was going on! He kept askking to talk to me for an hour more but I said I had to go to sleep, it was 5 am at this time. We only kissed about 4 more times but i seriously missed/ miss him. I told him i didnt believe him and he said he would prove it the next day. Turns out yesterday, he doesnt remember a thing. I told him and he was saying how bad he felt and how sorry he was. The thing is, he still doesnt know half of the story! He is being very silent with me, i'm trying to understand him. He is still talking to that girl apparently. Her and a friend asked to be my friend on facebook, denied. He told me yesterday that he just wanted to see me on new years like last year, I told him he did and he didnt even remember. I told him that he keeps leading me on and it hurts me and that I was sorry, no reply ( this was at like 1 am today) Anyways, thoughts? comments? advice?? All is appreciated!! Thank you and happy new years!
2010_Sorry Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 It sounds like this guy has a serious problem with alcohol. I am sure that this guy still cares about you, and has a lot of fears that keep him from reaching out to you and being fully honest with you when he is sober... but it's concerning that he is drinking to such excess that he doesn't remember the previous evening. I would ask the serious questions when he is sober. If he does not tell you the exact same things that you hear when he is drunk, then he is not ready....
Author livelife Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 Thank you! all he says when he is sober is how bad he feels, and how that was the biggest dic* thing he has ever done. I told him to realize that I was there for him at 5 am taking care of him when none of his friends were, it hurts but I know I have to move on. its a new year
Author livelife Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 and lately he has aparently been drinking alot according to his friends. He used to not be like that. It makes me wonder if hes not happy.
coltsfan1 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 livelife- I am in a similair situation, I didn't spend last new years with my ex and then we got back together over the summer. It was horrible, she hit me on two different occasions, tried to turn people against me and from what I can gather she was sleeping with a married man. I regret everyday trying again with her, it was miserable. I am not glad that i found out about her, but i am glad that it came out before i married her.
Author livelife Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 livelife- I am in a similair situation, I didn't spend last new years with my ex and then we got back together over the summer. It was horrible, she hit me on two different occasions, tried to turn people against me and from what I can gather she was sleeping with a married man. I regret everyday trying again with her, it was miserable. I am not glad that i found out about her, but i am glad that it came out before i married her. He is just confusing, how come each time he is drunk he says stuff like that? Explain your situation a little more, last year new years as in going into 2010? and then you guys got back together the last summer we had? are you still with her?
Author livelife Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 i also remembered something else, I asked him why it took him 10 months to realize all of this, and he said because he hasnt been able to find anyone for him
coltsfan1 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 livelife- here is my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t219183/ read it and it will hopefully explain where I am at. It took ten months to realize you are what's best for him and he was unable to find someone he felt was "better" than you. Take pride in the fact that you are the best thing he has ever had, if he is contacting you then you can now decide whether you are willing to stick your neck out again. I love and miss my ex terribly, everyday, and she has put me threw the ringer, stand up for yourself and tell him what he has to do to get you back and that you are going to stand back and watch and see if he can do it.
Author livelife Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 livelife- here is my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t219183/ read it and it will hopefully explain where I am at. It took ten months to realize you are what's best for him and he was unable to find someone he felt was "better" than you. Take pride in the fact that you are the best thing he has ever had, if he is contacting you then you can now decide whether you are willing to stick your neck out again. I love and miss my ex terribly, everyday, and she has put me threw the ringer, stand up for yourself and tell him what he has to do to get you back and that you are going to stand back and watch and see if he can do it. I read your post and I am very sorry. That was about a year ago you posted that, correct?? The thing is, he didn't mean what he said, he doesnt remember a thing. All he keeps saying is how bad he feels and he apologizes adn that he doesnt remember that at ALL. I am humiliated. I look like a pitiful, helpless girl, who is still hanging onto her ex since March. I love the guy, for some reason I feel like I won't get over him. The sad thing is, i'm only 18 years old. I know I should not be feeling this way at 18. He is ignoring my text and my friend texted him saying the least he could do was be nice to me. He said that he was trying but he just feels soo bad. She told him, " feel bad or not whats done is done. its not the first time you have hurt her or drunkingly wanted her..." no reply. I am starting to believe he is getting a drinking problem. His friend was with him tonight adn called me drunk. Anyways, thats my quick rant before sleep:o
SeriousBob12 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Don't give this guy anymore of your time. I've been where he is, but not with exes. it's not something I'm proud of, and in the end I really hurt one particular girl back in college. I was 21 and she was 19, and she didn't deserve it. In a drunken daze, I picked her up at the campus pub. I knew on acquaintance-level and we went back to my dorm and I said just about anything to try and get in her pants. "I really do care about you! I want to start something serious with you! I've had the biggest crush on you forever!!" All of this was drunken BS that at the time made sense because it hopefully meant I could screw her. I knew full well I didn't actually mean any of it, but hey whatever lead to sex, right? Alcohol doesn't bring out our best judgement... Instead she had enough self-respect to say no, and that she wanted to wait until I was sober. This was of course after we made out a ton, and she confessed how I was a HUGE crush to her and that she wanted me since the year started...She was so happy to hear all of this coming from my mouth... The next morning I woke up with a "what did I say/do? oh no..." This girl really wanted to believe everything I told her that night...I looked like the biggest dick to her the next day when I played the "I don't remember card." Years later I got in contact with her, and she opened up about how that night pretty much ruined the remainder of her semester...I felt absolutely AWFUL. Sure she should have looked past it, but I was her big crush, the guy that she told all her friends she really wanted. It was hard for her to move on, especially with how sweetly I spun all of my BS. It may have been a few years later, but I rightly apologized and had the balls to admit how wrong/low it was of me to do (I should have done this the day after). Even though it was extremely late, she was grateful. Thankfully with maturity I can honestly say I will never do such a heartless thing again. Anyways...my situation isn't like yours but I'm lead to believe that this guy just wanted some action, whether it be sex or just some fun. The fact that this seems to be a drunk game that he plays all the time. It's awful, and immature. Furthermore if he really did care about you, why the hesitation to tell you when he's sober? Clearly a guy who's cried in front of you, wouldn't be a ashamed of such a thing. Besides, what's there to be ashamed or embarrassed about? You sound like a great person. I can tell you that if my ex-gf called me on new years upset I would have just laughed at her and rubbed it in her face. To leave your party, pick him up, and babysit him says a lot about you. Screw this guy, there are plenty of other guys out there that deserve you care. Seek them out and leave this guy in the dust. Don't get upset about the fact that its been 10 months. You're a caring individual who invested a lot of emotions into this guy. After the roller coaster he's put you through, I don't think many would be able to brush it off. Hang in there and don't lose yourself!
coltsfan1 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 livelife- Shame is an awful thing to carry around, he probably does feel horrible for what has happened. that I do not doubt at all, the thing you have to remember is how does he carry on when he drinks with his friends and you are not there. You both are so young, I had a serious girlfriend in highschool she was the love of my life. But I was not mature enough to do the things that she needed, I cheated, did drugs and was just trying to "be a baller." (that was cool in the 90's) She left for college and met someone, they got married and divorce. We ran into each other 6 years later in 2003 we went to europe to try and see if the flame could be stuck again and it couldn't. She is the one that got away. Then I met my current ex in 06 she and her son have been the light in my eye ever since. I tell you this to let you know that you will meet and love another. It might not be tomorrow or even in a year but at your age it WILL happen. If you want my opinion on his behaviour I will tell you but you might not like what I have to say, so you might want to quit reading now k. He might not remember what he said to you and he probably does miss you. But he is not strong enough at his age to say no to the temptations that are out there. Unless he does some major soul searching on his own he will not change any time soon, and I guarantee you will be a different person in 4 years as well. He is just to young to turn the temptations away. I have been there I wasn't ready to settle down till I was 25. He is in party mode now and chances are you will be as well in a few years. Quit being there everytime he wants you too. He needs to see that he could lose you and to be honest you should walk away for awhile. Tell him to get his stuff straight and call you in two months, see what he says then.
Author livelife Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Serious and Colts: thank you for your help and advice, i really really appreciate it! I know im so young and Colts, I totally agree with everything you said when you said I didn't want to read it. As this guy said at the party that night, maybe he wants me but at the same time he doesn't. I think I handeled the situation well by resisting him and telling him he only wanted a hookup, and barely giving him anything. Serious- so do you think he actually remembers? Me and my friends do. I mean, I talked to him for 3 hours, I definitely could think that he was comprehending. Oh well, I'm too nice of a person and he has not replied to our texts but said he felt bad so I will leave it at that. I guess i'm in such a rush to feel that feeling again but it just has to wait! thanks guys:) if anything happens i'll keep you updated!
SeriousBob12 Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Serious and Colts: Serious- so do you think he actually remembers? Me and my friends do. I mean, I talked to him for 3 hours, I definitely could think that he was comprehending. I'm about 99.9% sure he does. If you two only talked for a little bit, then maybe not but to black out 3 hours of heart-to-heart talking is a lot. In fact I just can't picture it. Furthermore if he didn't remember he wouldn't be nearly as ashamed about it. You sound great, screw this guy he's just wasting your time. Do not fall for his drunken-tricks anymore and throw it in his face. If he calls you again drunk, remind him he won't remember, so take the opportunity to tell him to go F-himself....I mean clearly it doesn't matter because he won't remember right? You're better than the garbage he's throwing at you. Hats off to you for rejecting his advances too. You sound like class, he sounds like trash.
Author livelife Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 I'm about 99.9% sure he does. If you two only talked for a little bit, then maybe not but to black out 3 hours of heart-to-heart talking is a lot. In fact I just can't picture it. Furthermore if he didn't remember he wouldn't be nearly as ashamed about it. You sound great, screw this guy he's just wasting your time. Do not fall for his drunken-tricks anymore and throw it in his face. If he calls you again drunk, remind him he won't remember, so take the opportunity to tell him to go F-himself....I mean clearly it doesn't matter because he won't remember right? You're better than the garbage he's throwing at you. Hats off to you for rejecting his advances too. You sound like class, he sounds like trash. I know, i could have sworn he would remember. I want to say something to him and just be like F* you after all i did you cant even be the least nice to me or even say thank you, and its obvious that you do remember, never talk to me again byeee. maybe that might not be the best idea but its surely what I want to do. And I will be sure to do that next time! thank you:)
Author livelife Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 Did he drink like that while you were together? Do you know if he drinks all the time like that, or does he just not know how to stop when he does drink? no when we were together he never drank like that, only a couple beers. and I talked to his friend and his friend said that lately, he has been getting way to drunk
coltsfan1 Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 livelife-When my current ex and I broke up I stayed drunk for almost two months, and she did me DIRTY!!! It has to do with where he is at, plus he might just be pushing it to the limit to see how far he can take it. Not with you but with his life in general, you really need to take the advice of others and tell him to take a hike till his stuff is straight. Then you will have time to look at the relationship and you might find you don't want him anymore. I miss my ex terribly you know that but I really think that I care for her but that special love where you are proud to be seen in public with them, and you want to hold their hand and kiss them is gone. you might find yourself in the same boat. A person can only take so much discuss out of the person they love.
Author livelife Posted January 4, 2011 Author Posted January 4, 2011 update: I had this message i was ready to send him about how i would never forget what he did and how he cant even thank me. then I got a text from him thanking me. and said that it means alott to him that i took care of him. I reply: " yeah your welcome" Then he has the nerve to ask me to hang out.. " and sorry again. we should hang out when were sober lol" I then say how saying sorry doesnt fix what he did, and that it has no effect on me, and that i wouldnt be hanging out with him. He replied ok and I replied Bye.
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