sayitasitis Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 The guy I knew through work hinted or said subtly that he's interested in pursuing something. I didn't give a confirmed answer because while I was interested I wasn't sure since we're related by work. After that he went cold on me, giving me the silent treatment. Our conversations were perfunctory, as if he was angry but wanted to keep some contact. I don't know him well enough to know whether he would give me a chance to show that I like him though there are things we have to consider. Are guys like that? They go quiet after they've put themselves out there, so to speak, but not received the desired results? Why do they do that? Also, how can I "win" him back?
WIguy Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Well, all guys are different. I know if I don't get the results I am looking for after showing interest in a girl, well I don't just show interest I ask them out ha ha I don't do the silent treatment. But if I do ask someone out or show interest in them from school or work and I am turned down or whatever I will actually do the opposite of the silent treatment. I will act as self-confident and outgoing around them with other people to somewhat showoff what they are missing out on. lol guess that sounds kind of funny. Be straight forward with yourself and him, if your interested show it, ask him if he would like to go out for coffee or something. That way you can get to know each other better since it appears that you don't know each other that well now. You both seem to be interested in each other, so go out and see if theres anything more than that interest. Just be straightforward and ask if he wants to hangout sometime.
Keridan Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I've done it before and realized at the time I was being somewhat of an idiot. Two reasons for it. I was embarrassed because I thought I had been rejected and also because I didn't want her to feel pressured. If you are interested, the odds are that he is too. You probably don't have to do anything dramatic at all to "win" him back. Just tell him outright that you like him and are interested in trying things out, but because of the special situation, there will be a couple items worth discussing on that first date. Don't be coy! Anyone that skittish will not know what to do with it Just walk up to him and say "Yep, let's go out. You are cool. Just bear in mind there with be extra considerations since we work together." Good luck!
Author sayitasitis Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 At this stage, I'm not sure if he would even talk to me again, except for work-related topics. What if he rejects me after having been "hurt?" Any other men give the silent treatment? Why do you do it?
Keridan Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 When did this happen? Guys don't just drop it that quick even if they got their feelings hurt. Also, don't ask. He already asked. Just tell him you are accepting late and pick you up for coffee at 8
Author sayitasitis Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 I've done it before and realized at the time I was being somewhat of an idiot. Two reasons for it. I was embarrassed because I thought I had been rejected and also because I didn't want her to feel pressured. So you weren't angry with the women? If they come back for you, you would have taken the offer up? If you are interested, the odds are that he is too. Why are you so sure about his interest just based on my interest? You probably don't have to do anything dramatic at all to "win" him back. Just tell him outright that you like him and are interested in trying things out, but because of the special situation, there will be a couple items worth discussing on that first date. Don't be coy! Anyone that skittish will not know what to do with it Just walk up to him and say "Yep, let's go out. You are cool. Just bear in mind there with be extra considerations since we work together." Good luck! Thanks. However, I'm on the shy side so I'm not sure I can do or say all that. I know I have to and probably do it after some "planning." I'm all confused now. Are there guys out there who just give up after having been "hurt?" Is the silent treatment their way of saying bye?
Author sayitasitis Posted January 2, 2011 Author Posted January 2, 2011 When did this happen? Guys don't just drop it that quick even if they got their feelings hurt. Also, don't ask. He already asked. Just tell him you are accepting late and pick you up for coffee at 8 Over the holidays. What do you mean by guys not just dropping it that quick?
WIguy Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Generally speaking, from the guys I know and my experience being the 21 year old I am guys do not just lose interest unless they find someone new. He's probobly backing off a little, no problem thats natural when someone doesn't show interest back towards you. If he was interested in the first place then theres a 99% chance now that he is still interested. He just backed off a bit probobly because of how you responded. Let him know your interested in some way......
Keridan Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I wasn't angry at all. I was embarrassed. I would have been thrilled if one of them had changed their mind. I'm sure of his interest because he went cold. He probably used all his courage to hint to you and come out with how he felt. After all the energy he spent forcing himself to make a move, he thought he was rejected. That's not really a passing, casual interest. As a shy person, I bet you can empathize. Even if you are shy, you still gotta make a move. He isn't going to try again. You don't have to be full of bravado or anything, just say "Let's do coffee" and let the situation unfold from there. What are you out if he doesn't take you up? You already feel shy and awkward with him I do wish you luck and I'm sure more folks will chime in with other advice.
daphne Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 It sounds like the guy in your situation is either just immature or has issues. I wouldn't take it personally, and I'm not sure why you would want to "win him over" after he behaved this way. Unless you like a guy who'll mistreat you later. He's showing you from day one what to expect when he doesn't get his way. He doesn't sound like a flexible, well adjusted person at all. Like one poster said, if he's rejected he may not go back for seconds, but he's not going to give the silent treatment. It's unhealthy and immature. It means his coping skills in a relationship are going to be similar. Not worth it..
EasyHeart Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Wow, some of you are awfully harsh! It doesn't sound to me like he's even giving you "the silent treatment". From his perspective, it could simply be that he was interested, you weren't, so he backed off. That's not weird or psycho or immature, it's good behavior. Plus, since this is a work situation, he has to be even more careful because he could face sexual harassment charges. If he continues to pursue you after you have not expressed interest, he could be disciplined or fired.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I wouldn't call this "the silent treatment". What seems to have happened is that he rushed to his own conclusion, it was a negative one, and no he has run with that conclusion as fact. This should be enough of a sign to tell you he's a problem child. Why would you want to "win" him back? Don't get caught in his childish fly-paper. Look for a grown up man who'll keep things in perspective and not go running off with his own flawed judgements. Believe me, don't bother with him. He's told you everything you need to know.
jadedone Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 You can't discount that they work together, so he backed off to avoid potential sexual harassment issues.
ecm Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Miiiiiiinghiaaaaaa, so much negativity. He's embarrassed. He put himself out there and didn't like the result. I think it's completely normal that he would've backed off a little bit. If sayitasitis had posted that he keeps asking her, people would have jumped on him for that, too. He's not giving you the silent treatment, as he is still speaking to you. I like Keridan's style... pick me up at 8. Good luck.
MalachiX Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 As a shy guy myself, I think there's a big difference from being a bit awkward after a rejection and from giving someone "the silent treatment." It's a royal pain in the ass to put yourself out there as one does when one is interested in someone. When you take the plunge and get shot down, it's embarassing and you can't help but feel awkward around the woman. You feel that you mistook your relationship for being more than friendship and so you do the opposite and try to back off. It's not a matter of being angry at the woman or holding a grudge. It's kinda funny because it can feel like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. If a guy keeps expressing interest, even as a friend, a lot of women think that he's still pursuing them and can't take a hint. If a guy tries to ease off contact, a lot of women think he's pouting and giving them the silent treatment. It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong so I don't think you should worry about expressing your interest in this guy. The thing is that YOU now have to be the one to put yourself out there because he already did and got shot down. I doubt he's holding a grudge and might really appreciate it if you took the ball this time. The only thing that has ever engendered resentment in me (and other guy friends of mine) is being lead on then told there was never anything there. Some women will have a date or two with a guy or give them very clear romantic signals and then will change their mind (which is fine, and what dating is all about) but rather than just say, "I'm no longer interested in doing out with you" will argue that the guy had mis-understood her all along and there was never anything there. This is the only thing which I think is really unfair and can lead to hurt feelings.
garycoleman Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I'm a guy and gave a female co-worker the silent treatment. We were dating for like 3 months. When I felt she lost interest in me, I gave her the silent treatment and did not even say good morning when I saw her at work. Another female co-worker who was mutal friends with both of us asked me why I was being an ******* to her and that I hurt her. I was confused because I thought she did not like me anymore. I tried to talk to her but I felt things were awkward.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Last night, the guy chatted with me as if nothing happened. He casually mentioned that we should hang out again. Now I'm confused as to why he did the silent treatment. Or was it a silent treatment? Or was I too sensitive?
Author sayitasitis Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 I'm a guy and gave a female co-worker the silent treatment. We were dating for like 3 months. When I felt she lost interest in me, I gave her the silent treatment and did not even say good morning when I saw her at work. Another female co-worker who was mutal friends with both of us asked me why I was being an ******* to her and that I hurt her. I was confused because I thought she did not like me anymore. I tried to talk to her but I felt things were awkward. Why did you give her the silent treatment? Because you were angry, unhappy about the lack of progress between you two or you were embarassed to face her?
FryFish Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 sayitasitis, your guy was just embarrassed and probably confused about you after being shot down... My guess is that he heard through the grapevine that you actually ARE interested and now he has his confidence back. I used to be painfully shy and it took me "throwing myself to the wolves", so to speak, to get over it. Your guy sounds somewhat shy. He interpreted your reaction as a "not interested" and tried to give you space.
carhill Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 Any other men give the silent treatment? Why do you do it? I always communicate, except after repeatedly being disrespected; once a certain boundary is breached, and I make that boundary clear, disconnection occurs. The person ceases to exist. In a dating situation, if I don't sense clear interest, in words and/or actions, that person goes back to the stranger shelf she started on. I wouldn't speak/interact any more or less to/with her than an abject stranger. Such is my price for placing my interest out there and being rejected. YMMV.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 sayitasitis, your guy was just embarrassed and probably confused about you after being shot down... My guess is that he heard through the grapevine that you actually ARE interested and now he has his confidence back. I used to be painfully shy and it took me "throwing myself to the wolves", so to speak, to get over it. Your guy sounds somewhat shy. He interpreted your reaction as a "not interested" and tried to give you space. I doubt he heard it through the grapevine since I didn't tell anyone in the same state about it. I feel like I had been proven a nutcase. I just don't understand how anyone could switch on and switch off like that. It was almost the "silent treatment" never happened.
MalachiX Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I doubt he heard it through the grapevine since I didn't tell anyone in the same state about it. I feel like I had been proven a nutcase. I just don't understand how anyone could switch on and switch off like that. It was almost the "silent treatment" never happened. I don't think it's any different than how a woman may at one point in time feel romantic toward someone and then completely un-interested at a different point in time. Like a number of us have said, it sounds like he was a bit embarrassed because it seemed like you weren't interested and so he wanted to give you some space both so he didn't seem like a creep who couldn't take a hint (a serious fear with some shy guys) and because he probably felt awkward after being "rejected." Perhaps you've started sending signals that you're interested in him again and he's going to give it another shot or he's just "gotten over you" and no longer feels embarassed or awkward but is comfortable enough to be good friends.
whichwayisup Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 The guy I knew through work hinted or said subtly that he's interested in pursuing something. I didn't give a confirmed answer because while I was interested I wasn't sure since we're related by work. After that he went cold on me, giving me the silent treatment. Our conversations were perfunctory, as if he was angry but wanted to keep some contact. I don't know him well enough to know whether he would give me a chance to show that I like him though there are things we have to consider. Are guys like that? They go quiet after they've put themselves out there, so to speak, but not received the desired results? Why do they do that? Also, how can I "win" him back? Not defending his behaviour as I think the silent treatment is rude and so intentional, but, you never said yes or no - You kept him hanging, maybe hinting that you were interested. Why didn't you just come right out and tell him you like him but because of the work situation, it might get complicated. ? Guys do that because it's how they handle it. It just is.. Just reading your post over again, it sounds like he just went cold, not giving you the silent treatment, but more, distant and aloof, keeping things very non personal. In his mind, you rejected him and he may feel foolish or embarrassed. Or, he's an ahole and doing it intentionally.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 3, 2011 Author Posted January 3, 2011 Not defending his behaviour as I think the silent treatment is rude and so intentional, but, you never said yes or no - You kept him hanging, maybe hinting that you were interested. Why didn't you just come right out and tell him you like him but because of the work situation, it might get complicated. ? I guess I was caught off guard and I didn't want to scare him with all this talk of how it might work when we haven't even started anything.
dispatch3d Posted January 3, 2011 Posted January 3, 2011 I doubt he heard it through the grapevine since I didn't tell anyone in the same state about it. I feel like I had been proven a nutcase. I just don't understand how anyone could switch on and switch off like that. It was almost the "silent treatment" never happened. lol I didn't understand all the hype until this message. Him giving you the silent treatment isn't supposed to tell you anything about yourself. That seems so ridiculous. All it says is he felt rejected and decided to not talk to you, then later decided to ask you to hang out again. So go hang out with him. Guys are pretty frigging simple.
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