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Posted

A lot of women I have met have told me they "JUST" want a good guy, where are all the good guys? I want a good man with a heart, Well, let me tell you something about the "GOOD" guy Myth, Women never fall for the good guy, because, "THEY" are more likely to get the "Oh" your sweet but "I" just consider you like my "Friend" speech. Then pick the most "Arrogant" "BASTARD" in the bar, Then the next day "CRY" about how He was just using "ME" for Sex and He has a girlfriend. "Wow" seriously "Women" should just be honest about what they want.

My best friend has been Divorced for over 13 yrs now, He is the walking "POSTER" boy for the "GOOD" guy image. He has a great potential to be a great "HUSBAND" and father but women won't give him the time of day, Women pore their hearts out to him about their relationships and He is always gets the I wish I could get a "GOOD" guy like you speech. His mind is soo messed up now from women passing him up for other Bad boys. I feel sorry for him, but in a sense its a doggy dog world out there and If you want to be with a women you have to be the Great @ss hole type guy that they love and adore. So my question of the Year is : Do you still want meet the "GOOD" "GUY" this year too? or fall for the ever BAD BOY image all over again?

Posted

I would recommend the book "No More Mr. Nice Guy".

Posted

'Good' guys sometimes do bad things and vice versa.

 

In my experience, I find that 'good' guys also tend to fall into the 'knight in shining' armour role, when really they are just people with poor boundaries wearing tin foil. :laugh:

Posted

If we put the young girls romancing the maverick scenario aside and look at the big picture, the bottom line is that women don't want a good guy or a bad guy. What they want is to WANT. We almost always overlook this dynamic because people feel compelled to take a side when things are expressed in terms of "good" or "bad" or "right" or "wrong". But hear me out.

 

True romance always involves uncertainty, risk, illusions, mis-perceptions, some times obsession but always a feeling of being consumed by passion. Though these may sound "bad" or unwanted to some degree, in experience they define our lives--who we are, what we are. They the heights and depths of our experience in many regards. A so-called "nice guy" or "good guy" can actually rob a woman of these experiences by making things so easy so soon. In effect, she doesn't want a "bad guy", she just wants to experience the mystery and extents of "wanting". And she usually answers this by choosing someone who'll indeed give her that drama--whether it's good for her in the longest run or not. The romance of "want" is often even more compelling than all of the pleasures of "having".

 

Consider that humans are not alone in this at all. Animals live out the same dynamic. Young lionesses will favor the freewheeler instead of the safety of being in the harem of the dominant male. It's not that she "loves" the freewheeler--she doesn't even yet know him. She just follows the passion of experiencing her own "wants". It's a whole dimension of life she'll miss if she just yields to order.

 

If men apply this to themselves perhaps they will learn not to take things so personally, catch themselves when their actions of infatuation will actually work against them, and work on a healthy detachment which could become the grounds for a "mystique" a women will "want" to avail herself to.

Posted

^^^ A very insightful post, Feelin Frisky.

Posted

A simpler way of saying what Frisky did, is that women want a guy who is challenge. Someone who is not easy to get.

 

The problem is that most guys are not a challenge, they are actually the opposite.

 

Frankly it's really messed up that a guy can't get a girl because he wants one...

Posted

I think Frisky is spot on and it applies to both sexes as another poster stated. People like the thrill of the chase on both ends. Hunters want to go bag their own moose, not have a dead one dropped on the doorstep ( now I am not a fan of sport hunting, but the analogy holds). No one should be too easy - you just get taken for granted. This applies to platonic friendships too.

Posted (edited)

This topic has been beaten to death. If someone isn't going to appreciate what you have to offer, regardless of attraction level, a LTR won't work. Moreover, if someone isn't even attracted enough to you to want to get to know you on a deeper level, why on earth would you want to be with them?

 

Of the people I know, the good men who are secure in themselves have never had trouble with women unless they are extremely picky in some aspect.

Edited by Isolde
Posted
hey this is like one of my favorite topics just ask somedude81 if you don't believe it lol.

 

Only topic I like better is "I'm a pretty girl who can't find a guy ever"

 

You got mentioned by like a bunch of people today on a thread about posts that touch you or some sht... kinda made me jelouse (since I post way more and don't get mentioned)

 

The only good guy myth that exists is the self created myths such as friend zone and nice guy ect... Be yourself, don't take it personaly, Don't expect people owe you anything, and just enjoy the HUNT. and be a pervert if you are one it helps... don't hide that

 

I was sincerely flattered by the mentions! The thread got locked, so I'd like to thank everyone who mentioned me. Of the posters on that thread, nearly all have them have been inspirational to me in some way too.

 

I agree that self sabotage is the worst for both men and women.

Posted

This is why I have little sympathy for women who complain there are no good men. There are plenty out there but they get passed up.

Posted
...People like the thrill of the chase on both ends. Hunters want to go bag their own moose, not have a dead one dropped on the doorstep....

 

Great analogy.

Posted

Yes in my experience people love the hunt and love the chase... The hard part for me has been how to transition from the hunt to the comfortable part.

Posted

In my experience, verrry carefully. You have to make sure you don't get too far ahead of your lover in these stages. Loving someone way more than they love you at any point can make them back off. It's kind of like fishing. Never make the big yank to pull them into the boat until you know the hook is deeply enbedded. May sound cold, but it is very true.

Posted

My boyfriend is what you might call a "good guy". He's been told by numerous women that they just see him as a friend, that he's a lovely person but they "don't feel that way about him", etc.

 

So how did he end up dating me?

 

Well, firstly he demonstrated that he was a high-status, desirable man. I clearly saw that he was talented and successful, he was obviously popular within a particular social group, everyone said what a great guy he was, plus he seemed decent and nice. Then when I began to get interested, he ignored me. There was a bit of a chase, with me trying to demonstrate my interest and him feeding me crumbs but still appearing kind of disinterested. He let me chase him for a while, then eventually he let me catch him :D

 

He, of course, would tell you that the whole chase was unintentional. He didn't purposely try to demonstrate that he was a good catch, I was just in the right place at the right time to notice that he was talented and smart. He ignored me because he has low self esteem and he assumed I couldn't possibly be interested, not as a tactic to make me chase him. Nevertheless, the result was the same: the combination of him appearing high-value and desirable but (at least partly) disinterested and unavailable encouraged me to chase him, and to be happy when I eventually caught him.

Posted
Let me break it down for you guys... if you have trouble getting women you are not HORNY enough. If jacking off is fine for you then you're not hungry enough for the real thing. When I'm with a woman I'm hot for I have to actively concentrate on not pouncing on her or tearing her clothes off. Find a woman who makes you feel like this and you'll have all the motivation you need to win her over.

Interesting point Green.

 

One of my resolutions is not jerk anymore. Which also means I'll have to stay away from porn and basically anything that online that has attractive women in skimpy clothes.

 

Because, I definitely do not have that pouncing on a girl drive. Even though I really liked Danielle and wanted her to be my girlfriend, I just didn't have a really strong desire to bang her. Sure I often thought about it, just not when I was actually with her...

Posted
I don't complain that there are not any good men. I complain that they are the ones who pass ME up...;) lol

 

I don't know your situation but having read some of the things you posted would you even want them if they wanted you? No offense but you do come across as a commitmentphobe who only wants what she can't have. I apologize if I am wrong.

Posted

They want a good guy THEY ARE ATTRACTED TO. Unfortunately, many men are not good guys.

Posted

I dunno Lovelace, you might find that "perfect" man someday... to me no man is perfect but there is limitations to what I want.

 

Yeah they would have to be attractive but I don't have a definition of what they should look like;

 

Yes we should be compatible but I don't know exactly how they should act/not act;

 

Yes, there are things that are not acceptable about their behaviour, but outside of drug/alcohol abuse, violence, physical/verbal/sexual abuse, and cheating I would take it on a case-by-case basis.

 

I would date a "Nice Guy" if I was attracted to him. I would like a stable relationship with a nice comfortable love and mutual admiration. Sometimes that is asking too much though haha

Posted
Well of course I would. I just dated a very good guy. But I had a list of perfectly good reasons not to stay with him. I wanted it to work out, but it didn't. I won't settle for something just because it looks good on paper. I want true love and if that's not what it is, I won't stick around. I easily could have kept that guy around for a long time just to have someone but I chose to be honest and be lonely again instead. Not a commitphobe, I refuse to settle just for the sake of having somebody. My Ex had everything a girl could want from lots of money to plenty of attention. But our personalities did not mesh well, he was horrible at being romantic, and borderline too controlling. He was a 38 year old man that acted 15 when we were out to dinner. Thanks but no thanks. If he had been more mature the rest of his goodness and everything else would have made it perfect. But I felt like a damn babysitter, and like a possession (how he treated me) most of the time. I don't have the one yet because I know EXACTLY what I want, and that was close, but not it.

 

Maybe you are right but many times when women say they won't settle it is pretty much impossible for any man to live up to their standards/

Posted

I've passed up a lot of good guys in my time. The reasons varied but the bottom line was that I wasn't ready to accept that I deserved a good guy in my life! I didn't feel good about myself, so I either passed up, or sabotaged those opportunities when they arose.

 

I've been dating a really "good" guy for a couple of months and I couldn't be happier. I got to a place in my life where I felt content with myself, and all of a sudden I was overly accepting of being with a person that was going to treat me well.

 

I think people choose partners according to how they feel about themselves.

Posted
A lot of women I have met have told me they "JUST" want a good guy, where are all the good guys? I want a good man with a heart, Well, let me tell you something about the "GOOD" guy Myth, Women never fall for the good guy, because, "THEY" are more likely to get the "Oh" your sweet but "I" just consider you like my "Friend" speech. Then pick the most "Arrogant" "BASTARD" in the bar, Then the next day "CRY" about how He was just using "ME" for Sex and He has a girlfriend. "Wow" seriously "Women" should just be honest about what they want.

My best friend has been Divorced for over 13 yrs now, He is the walking "POSTER" boy for the "GOOD" guy image. He has a great potential to be a great "HUSBAND" and father but women won't give him the time of day, Women pore their hearts out to him about their relationships and He is always gets the I wish I could get a "GOOD" guy like you speech. His mind is soo messed up now from women passing him up for other Bad boys. I feel sorry for him, but in a sense its a doggy dog world out there and If you want to be with a women you have to be the Great @ss hole type guy that they love and adore. So my question of the Year is : Do you still want meet the "GOOD" "GUY" this year too? or fall for the ever BAD BOY image all over again?

 

I have a very good guy, he's great. There are plenty of women out there who really do want just a good guy. Just keep on looking and you will find her.

 

Oh and the saying is Dog Eat Dog World.

Posted
I've passed up a lot of good guys in my time. The reasons varied but the bottom line was that I wasn't ready to accept that I deserved a good guy in my life! I didn't feel good about myself, so I either passed up, or sabotaged those opportunities when they arose.

 

 

Exact same way for me, but mostly that was in my 20's. Those are the kinds of guys I wish would come around now but don't as often as back then.

 

Well woggle I know this much about my standards (referring to my ex): I shouldn't have to tell a 38 year old man that making jokes about his c**k while we are out for a nice dinner is not appropriate, nor romantic. I also know I want someone who knows how to be happy without relying on someone else for happiness....that alone made him all wrong for me. A guy like him with the same job stability and affection, but more mature and independent, would be just fine. :)

 

Maybe you are different but with some of these women who refuse to settle it is pretty much impossible for any man to measure to what they want. Some guys are like this as well.

Posted

Refuse to settle=lonely for rest of their life

 

Well at least their standards will keep them warm at night.:laugh:

Posted

 

Maybe you are different but with some of these women who refuse to settle it is pretty much impossible for any man to measure to what they want. Some guys are like this as well.

 

I think I am just different now (this after years of trial and error and some heavy introspection). I am dating someone that makes me really happy, and I didn't have to settle. Some people have really unrealistic expectations when it comes to choosing a partner. In cases such as this, it's not "our" job to measure up to what they want because it's essentially their issue, and not ours.

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