Difficulty finding closure...

[rich46]

Hi,

 

I'

m

really struggling to get over my

LDR

, and I'

m

not completely sure what to do.

 

Basically we had a

LDR

for 9 months or

so

. I was working in South Korea and she was in Japan, but I used to visit every month for a long weekend together. I have always wanted to live in Japan,

so

i made the move in August but still, we didn't live particularly close. Anyway, the next step was going to be me moving closer to her in March when my current contract expires, but she got cold feet (seemingly) all of a sudden and started having doubts, which confused me.

 

So

in November, she said she needed some "space" etc and I gave her it by going

NC

after explaining why in an email. Since then we have had sporadic contact usually initiated by her after a couple of weeks, although I did relent and messaged her yesterday with a Happy New Year text.

 

I know what I should be doing here and that is moving on, because the "space" thing usually means the end, especially with the Japanese who will often avoid saying things directly to avoid confrontation.

 

I've tried spending time with other girls, and even kissed one last week, but it was a big mistake and clearly I was using her as a rebound, and I am ashamed about that. I have never done that before. It just feels extra difficult because I am in a culture

so

different to my own, and even though I have some friends around me, I feel

so

lonely. I know I could easily find another girlfriend because they love foreigners here, but even though I would love to just do that, I still feel like it's not completely over with my ex-girlfriend.

 

Any ideas what I should do? I don't particularly want to initiate a "talk" with my ex but I feel like until I do that, I will be subconciously prevented from moving on.

 

Thank you for reading,

 

Rich

[D78]

rich46,

 

From the posts I have read here, talks with exs often result in more questions and less closure. It's hard to not have the answers as to what went wrong. You seem to be dealing with your feelings and the situation really well. I hope you can find closure without opening yourself up to more pain that might come from initiating a conversation with your ex. Good luck.