4thofjuly Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I've been dating this guy for about a 2 months or so. I am 24 and don't have much of a dating past. Due to circumstances in life we are keeping things casual and I have no idea if there is a future with us or not. Now because of this and being inexperienced when it comes to the dating world, I second guess myself on what is acceptable behavior it comes to someone you are casually dating. I want to say its alright to just go up to him and cuddle on him while we are watching tv, but then my shyness gets in the way and I don't. Or when we do end up cuddling and we are looking into eachothers faces I want to just lean in and give him a kiss, but I then second guess myself. I don't want to get too attached so I will also tend to distance myself. I also will follow his lead more than initating something first when it comes to physical contact. I am also shy so it's hard for me to initate. So my questions for you are (and I know they might seem silly): 1. What kind of behavior is acceptable when you are casually dating, but want to prevent yourself from getting too attached? 2. What are some things I can do to initate physical contact with him that I can slowly work out my shyness of initating it? Thanks!
northern_sky Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I've been dating this guy for about a 2 months or so. I am 24 and don't have much of a dating past. Due to circumstances in life we are keeping things casual and I have no idea if there is a future with us or not. Now because of this and being inexperienced when it comes to the dating world, I second guess myself on what is acceptable behavior it comes to someone you are casually dating. I want to say its alright to just go up to him and cuddle on him while we are watching tv, but then my shyness gets in the way and I don't. Or when we do end up cuddling and we are looking into eachothers faces I want to just lean in and give him a kiss, but I then second guess myself. I don't want to get too attached so I will also tend to distance myself. I also will follow his lead more than initating something first when it comes to physical contact. I am also shy so it's hard for me to initate. So my questions for you are (and I know they might seem silly): 1. What kind of behavior is acceptable when you are casually dating, but want to prevent yourself from getting too attached? 2. What are some things I can do to initate physical contact with him that I can slowly work out my shyness of initating it? Thanks! This is why casual dating sucks after more than a few dates, if you have any feelings for the person. I went through similar emotions when I tried to casually date a guy over the fall who wasn't ready for a real relationship. I was always worried about doing something inappropriate. Like is it too emotionally heavy for me to turn over and give him a kiss the next morning? As long as he was taking the lead with the mushy stuff, and I was responding in kind it was fine, but whenever he pulled back I got uncomfortable. I felt like I was always having to hide my affection for him. I would pull out if it doesn't seem like this is going anywhere.
ivalm Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) I don't get girls who want to date but don't want to touch. You're 24, you're an adult. Touching him doesn't mean you need to sleep with him. And if you do sleep with him, then definitely touch him! But seriously, if I went out with a girl for 2 months and she would be unwilling to touch me freely I would most likely leave. Kissing is more intimate, but again, if you want him to be your boyfriend, perhaps short term and casual, you need to do it. While fun conversations and other interactions are important, kissing and cuddling are critical for all healthy romantic relationships. Edited January 2, 2011 by ivalm
zengirl Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 If you don't want to sleep with him, don't take off clothes, get horizontal, grind on him, or make out for more than, say, 30 minutes at a time (even that much seems pushing it, unless you're getting closer, within a few dates, to sleeping with him). But kissing, hugging, general signs of affection, handholding, cuddling, leaning against him on the couch. . . these are all normal. Two months without any affection would drive me mad! My BF waited till the second date to kiss me, and I thought he was batty. But I guess I've never casually dated anyone for 2 months either, so what do I know?
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