Sandyinlove Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I told a little of my story in another thread. I started thinking about regrets. Isn't it something how we do things even we know better? I've been reading threads on why some women enter in affairs. My story sounds familiar...sexless marriage, husband never home, etc, etc. All excuses. My husband actually has improved by having more sex with me and being home more since my affair started which would make me think it would be easier to drop OM but it's not. I just feel guilty now whereas I didn't so much before. Before I just blamed my husband for not listening to me. Affairs have an amazing power over an otherwise rational person. Here are things I regret the most in entering this affair: 1. I'm always thinking OM when I'm not with him which is most of the time 2. OM and I have better sexual chemistry than H and I. I wish I had never found that out. 3. I'm ashamed and feel guilty that I'm not who everyone thinks I am. If my husband, parents, and friends knew what I'm doing, I would be so ashamed. I am ashamed anyway. 4. I hate that I was faithful for 10 years and then screwed it up literally 5. I hate that I didn't respect my marriage enough to resist temptation 6. I hate that I fell in love 7. I hate that I've tried to quit several times but get so upset I cave in. I feel like the only way to keep it together and not go into full depression is to continue in the affair which is crazy I know. 8. Most of all, I regret not being to be strong and do what is right regardless of my emotions. I know it's not too late but I don't know where the strength will come from now. I do realize how pathetic I sound. I'm not sure how I got to this point.
whichwayisup Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Get some counselling in to help you sort this out. Either end your affair, grieve the OM, confess and tell your husband the truth, do marriage counselling or, divorce your husband and go be with the OM. To continue to cheat, play the 'I'm too weak to walk away from OM, scared of feeling pain and going through depression' isn't an excuse NOT to end it. You can't keep going on like this, sooner or later your H will find out. I'm sure he knows something isn't right.. Also, I really hope that you're using condoms with the OM.
desertIslandCactus Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 Sandy, I'm glad you have been reading on LS, because I think it can be very beneficial .. and learning about the workings of an affair .. so you don't feel that it is only isolated to you.. that affairs seem to be similar with stages and emotions. There do seem to be warning signs before going from friendship to relationship.. and the affair appears to be of a selfish nature .. While those in them feel that it is overwhelmed by the so-called 'love' factor .. still it is without regard for others or the innocents. So far I haven't told you anything you didn't already know .. right? Well, with your burden - I just wanted to tell you that in many situations, the A does wear itself out.. Usually one of the partners will begin to be indifferent toward the other. This could be from guilt, fear, wanting to work on the M, not wishing to make a decision at 'd day', etc. This indifference many times causes the other partner to hurt, regret, be angry, etc. But hopefully start to work on your M. It is essential though that the AP realize when doing this, that the relationship was not meant to be .. and a destruction force to Your life, as well as to others. I don't know what stage you are in, but hopefully it should help to know that the A very possibly will wear itself out - and also hopefully this will happen while your M is still in tact.
pureinheart Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 I told a little of my story in another thread. I started thinking about regrets. Isn't it something how we do things even we know better? I've been reading threads on why some women enter in affairs. My story sounds familiar...sexless marriage, husband never home, etc, etc. All excuses. My husband actually has improved by having more sex with me and being home more since my affair started which would make me think it would be easier to drop OM but it's not. I just feel guilty now whereas I didn't so much before. Before I just blamed my husband for not listening to me. Affairs have an amazing power over an otherwise rational person. Here are things I regret the most in entering this affair: 1. I'm always thinking OM when I'm not with him which is most of the time 2. OM and I have better sexual chemistry than H and I. I wish I had never found that out. 3. I'm ashamed and feel guilty that I'm not who everyone thinks I am. If my husband, parents, and friends knew what I'm doing, I would be so ashamed. I am ashamed anyway. 4. I hate that I was faithful for 10 years and then screwed it up literally 5. I hate that I didn't respect my marriage enough to resist temptation 6. I hate that I fell in love 7. I hate that I've tried to quit several times but get so upset I cave in. I feel like the only way to keep it together and not go into full depression is to continue in the affair which is crazy I know. 8. Most of all, I regret not being to be strong and do what is right regardless of my emotions. I know it's not too late but I don't know where the strength will come from now. I do realize how pathetic I sound. I'm not sure how I got to this point. Hi Sandy...ok who is beating you up so bad? Your post sounds like there is a lot more going on besides this A. I see some deep rooted guilt that IMO could have not all come from 1 single A. Please keep posting and should you get any unkind posts, please stay with us, because to 1 unkind posts, there will be multitudes that will be supportive ...(((((((((hugs))))))))) Sandy.
East7 Posted January 2, 2011 Posted January 2, 2011 (edited) Sandyinlove you sound soooo much like my xMW (except some minor details) I cant give you a magic recipe, but what I can say is : - Tell your husband as soon as you can and be upfront. If you tell him by yourself you have a chance of reconcilation, if you get caught, he will never trust you again! Also he better not to know that it was physical, a man can get over emotional infidelity but never over a physical one. - Like Wichwaysisup said : Consider your options 1/ Leave OM, grieve him and work on your M, 2/ Divroce and be free to share your life with OM or someone else. The reality is you can't have 2 men, period, you have to pick and the more time you spend in the limbo, the more pain you will suffer when it will be over. Either your OM will be done, or you will feel guilty and break it. - I don't think you really love your husband (regardless what you feel for OM). You are just feeling guilty, but I can feel in your words it is all about your status, reputation or anything else but love for your husband. Edited January 2, 2011 by East7
Recommended Posts